The Parking Lot Exchange (Part 3)

So although the guy taking care of the baby was a stranger to me, he was obviously trusted by the parents. However, it still was hard for me to think about handing this baby to a man I never really met.

We had talked via text and he seemed like a nice guy, but it still felt so odd. Just thinking through how the hand-off would happen was odd... like some shady black market exchange, "meet me in the parking lot with the car seat and I'll hand over the kid."

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Here we are, Sunday morning.  Our last moments with baby Mason.  Dressing him in his "going home" outfit, packing up all his things, and making sure he had a full tummy for the drive home.  Then we were done. Mason, in his very typical chill state, just glancing around the room.  Justin spent a few minutes saying his good-byes before handing him to me.

THIS was probably the hardest moment of the weekend. It came suddenly really. I was doing OK. I was sad, like saying good-bye to a friend you know you wont see for awhile, but I was OK.  Then suddenly I wasn't. I KNOW most of it was hormones. I mean, the night before I cried while watching Guardians of the Galaxy...I don't cry at stuff like that. But still, I sat holding this precious baby fighting back tears.

I was really going to miss him. But more, I was feeling a loss. NOT the loss you might expect.  The loss of "that moment". I found myself wanting so badly to hand this kid to his mom and dad. His mom who hadn't slept more than a few hours the whole weekend because she was also grieving the loss of those moments she was missing. I was sort of throwing a tantrum in my head. It wasn't fair that they couldn't be here. It wasn't fair that he had to spend the first month (or 2) of his life without his family.

But also, it wasn't fair that the family that spent 9 months taking care of him had to say good-bye so soon (fast forward, all 3 of my kids have been super bummed about not getting the chance to meet him face-to-face...they've always had the chance to meet the babies).

The nurse comes in with the wheel chair to roll us out.  And there they are.  The guy and the nanny ready to take Mason "home".  I found myself avoiding eye contact. Worried that the tears would start if I caught anyone's gaze. I buckled Mason in and said my good-byes. I thanked the guy and the nanny for taking care of Mason and then we headed to our car.

The guy actually wasn't so bad. It was reassuring to actually meet him, even for a few moments. And I made it through the whole exchange without any tears.  Until my stupid fat head husband put his arm around me.  Suddenly, the flood gates opened and the tears flowed freely.

I'm honestly not sure how much of tears belong to hormones vs the actual emotion of the whole situation. We're all home now (well "home" for Mason since he'll probably be stuck in the US until the end of June/July). I'm grateful for sleep and family as we get back to normal.  I'm grateful for updates from the guy (and the parents). I'm especially grateful that the parents trusted us enough to take care of him for those few days.

SO, was it all worth it? Would I have done this again had I known what the end was going to be like? TOTALLY. I want to tell you all that I am VERY over being pregnant and will not do another surrogacy. I knew that before I even started, this was it. This was the last time. It didn't end like we expected, but it was still a pretty amazing experience.

Welcome Baby Mason (Part 2)

The delivery itself was pretty uneventful.  We had a scheduled induction. It took 5 hours from start to delivery. The epidural only worked on my left half (again). I went from 4-10 in like 3 contractions and he was out with 3 contractions of pushing (5 minutes I was told).

Look at that cute little baby. 7lbs 8oz. 20 inches.

Because I wasn't as numb as we all hoped, Justin was able to focus on doing a video chat with mom and dad so they didn't miss the birth of their son. That was huge. We were worried we would have to start the call just after his birth, but instead they were able to be part of entire first 30 minutes of life (then my battery died).

My husband was awesome. 1 phone with a video chat, 1 phone taking pictures so they had that too. There really isn't anything worth mentioning more about the delivery.

Oh, except the glorious moment where my amazing doctor got me setup for delivery and so nonchalantly said, "oh look, you have little pimple on your butt".

Mason was such a relaxed baby. Those first few hours he cried for like 2 minutes total.  At this point everything seemed pretty normal for a surrogacy delivery.  Then we headed to our post-delivery recovery room.

Then suddenly it was just us 3.  Mason slept for most of the first day/night. Waking him up even to eat was such a pain. At some point that first night though I realized something. Mason was in his little hospital bassinet (plastic tub), all bundled, fed, and warm.  BUT he seemed so alone. This poor guy should be with his mom and dad.  And here I sat just sort of numb and watching him. Happy to see this little guy, but realizing I was definitely putting up a wall. I realized I was so scared about accidentally stealing something from his mom that I was nervous to get to close.

DUDE! What was I doing? That is WHY we were taking care of this little guy at the hospital. He needed those first few days to be loved and cuddled and that's what we were there to do. Justin did a much better job than I did. Seeing him talk to his "little buddy" is what got me out of my head.

He really was such an easy baby.  He slept pretty great (minus some gassy moments on night 2) and had sweet awake time where we got to chat with the little dude and take a billion pictures and videos to send to mom and dad.  It was really a great couple of days. A mix of "I'm so glad I don't have babies anymore, this is exhausting" and "but it'd be fun to take care of you a bit longer because you're so stinking cute". As we woke up on Sunday morning it began to sink in that it was our last few hours with Mason. It would be the last time for a LONG time we will see him in person because of Covid stuff. Usually we get the chance to meet up with the families for the next 4-6 weeks as they get everything in order to travel home to China. This time since Mason isn't with his family AND because of the worries of the virus we won't be seeing him.  That was a hard thought to process. That in a few hours we were saying our "final" good bye.

Yes we would see pictures of him, just like we do of his big sister. I am super grateful for that. I also know that with the amount of time his parents spend in the US (typically) that we will actually see him again, even if it may be a few years. But we sure were going to miss that little guy. The last few hours really were bittersweet.

So enjoy more pictures of this precious baby and tomorrow I'll tell you how the "hand-off" went.

Preparing for Delivery (Part 1)

In all honesty, this one is more for me than you. There are so many things I don't want to forget about my final surrogacy journey.  I'm going to start with the weeks leading up to the due date.

If you don't know, the family is in Beijing. Up until recently, we were able to see each other a couple times a year since they have houses locally in CA that they visit.  I carried their first baby girl about 2 years ago and only agreed to doing a 4th surrogacy because of how close we had become over the last few years.

Once I heard China/US flights were locking down I began to grow nervous. What does this look like if they can't be here?

I kept pushing the thoughts away to try not and dwell on the "what ifs". I kept telling myself we had months to be in clear...there was no way this whole Corona Virus thing would still be an issue for that long.

Then CA issued the stay-at-home order 2 months before the due date and things got crazy. It was clear at this point that the parents would not be able to come for health reasons, so what now?

After talking things over with Justin and the kids we offered to take care of the baby until he could be taken home to Beijing.

They were worried it would be a burden. They told us that we were already doing so much for them they couldn't imagine asking more from us.  I didn't push back (although I wanted to).  There was this awkward tension.  Do I try to convince them it isn't a burden? Honestly with 5 sets of hands in the house it would be easier than when I had to do it with any of my own. BUT what if in trying to convince them I make them nervous?

There is this thing...deep down I think almost everyone has thought it (very few are honest enough to express it) that assume a surrogate MUST experience some attachment with the baby she carries.  She MUST be heartbroken to let the baby go. She MUST feel that maternal bond.

Having done this 4 times now, I want to tell you that isn't necessarily true. I try to tell people (the ones honest enough to ask those questions) that is like babysitting for a close a friend.  I love my friends babies and would take care of them anytime.  We miss those kids when we don't see them for awhile, because we totally love those kids, but in the end we are not "attached" to them like our own.  That is what surrogacy is like.

Getting excited to hear the heartbeat like a friend telling us they are pregnant.  That's the feeling.

BUT I didn't push with the parents to try and convince them to let us care for the baby.  I didn't want them to feel that we were trying to take anything from them. So with only a couple of months to figure it out suddenly everyone was scrambling to figure out what to do.

They landed on having a close friend of theirs who lives in LA take care of the baby. This was hard for me at first. A strange man (strange to me) taking care of this baby boy in place of his parents. This man who had no connection to baby. Would he love and cuddle him like he needed? I pictured some horrible orphanage from movies with babies having their basic needs met but laying there alone the rest of the time.

Obviously, deep down, I knew they wouldn't trust a person like that to take care of the baby and once we all connected and starting chatting it eased my mind.  They were also hiring a nanny to live with them to care for the baby since he hadn't had any children of his own.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks before the due date. We find out the hospital will only let this man in (not the nanny) due to Corona Virus restrictions.  Everyone decided it would be better for the baby to stay with Justin and I at the hospital instead. That made for a chaotic couple of weeks trying to get legal documents in order. I kept waking up every morning grateful I was still pregnant until we had the signed papers. A few days before the due date everything was in order.  Baby Mason would be spending a couple nights with us and it was a huge relief.

I suddenly realized how scared I had been to never get to meet this dear baby boy. Without the parents at the hospital he would have been taken out of the room immediately, no pictures or anything. Now I would have the chance to meet him and still be there to "introduce" him to his mommy and daddy (even if it would be over facetime). That was a huge relief.

I mean, that's why I do this. To help a family grow. To have that moment taken away would have been so much more devastating than I had realized.

So how did it play out in reality? That'll be tomorrow's blog.

1 Day To Go = Today Is That One Day

So, you guys, I'm not a very secretive person. Especially with Surrogacy. It is so unknown to most that I want to give all the details and craziness that comes with it.  I want to be approachable and honest so people are comfortable asking questions so they understand it all.

I hope that's how it all comes across.

All day today I've been extra nauseous.

Is it because I'm pregnant? Is it because I'm nervous? Is it because I'm stuffed full of more hormones than a Turkey? Maybe all 3?

Waiting is the worst! And can you imagine my poor IP. 13 hours ahead and unable to sleep with the anticipation. Today dragged on.

Then the phone call came.

You take the first few seconds to try and read the nurses voice. Does she have good news or bad? How can that 10 seconds it takes her to introduce who she is feel like minutes?  How is she so good about staying calm so her voice gives no indication of results?

Then the butterflies kick into high gear - my nausea can't handle this. Will I puke on that VPs shoes as he passes me? Who knows? No guarantees.

Then, finally, after what seemed like forever she gave me the news. I'll summarize the texts between Justin and me for the news:

Me: I'm pregnant with somebody else's Baby!
Justin: HUZZAH!

For like a good hour I panicked at my 767 number though.  Wasn't my singleton at 500?  Wasn't my twins at 850, what is a number in-between mean? Could it be twins?!

So, super scientific like I looked found my old blog announcing my results. Not helpful. I didn't include the numbers for most of the 1st tests. HOWEVER, I did post them last time. Last time they were 733 (with 1 baby - this baby's older sister). I'll take it!

I'm pregnant. I still think I'm going to puke. But at least there is only one kid in there.

1 Day To Go - A Family Is Born

Mom 1 and Mom 3 had tried for years to have children of their own. They had lost babies and struggled to get pregnant. Just meeting them and hearing their stories broke my heart. I didn't know I could ache that way for a woman I had just met. But I did. And I wanted to help them have the family the yearned for.

Then there is this moment in the delivery room. Labor sucks. It always does. The room's full of controlled chaos as a baby enters the world. Then those beautiful baby girls I carried for 9 months entered the world. The doctors (or maybe nurses I actually don't remember) hands that little girl to her mother.

Sure, I've had my own babies that I love. But when they were handed to me for the first time I was IN that moment, not watching that moment.  Now here I am watching it. Here I am seeing this woman I've grown to love hold her baby for the first time. The baby she's waited years for. Suffered tremendous loss for. Being there for that moment is indescribable.

I cried.

This is what makes it all worth it friends. Every shot, every night of heartburn, every moment of nausea, every craving, every contraction.

2 Days To Go - I'm Home

I think I mentioned before that the hospital was out of rooms after my first surrogacy so mom and baby stayed in the room with me.  Just the 3 of us. Justin was home with our kids, after all, I didn't need "support"...I had no baby to care for. I just got to sleep (so I thought).

However, I spent 2 days helping mom care for baby.  I didn't realize how draining that was.  I was being the support (which I really didn't mind), but doing it while my body was recovering from labor. My body was tired. I was emotionally drained.

So when I got home I was on edge. I felt emotions ready to creep out and I fought it. I don't cry.

Then I saw a small mess in the corner of the room. For some reason, that was it.

I cried.

3 Days To Go - I Cried

I'm not really a crier. I mean I cry, but not very often.  I cry ANY time I see a sad Daddy/Daughter moment (I'm a Daddy's girl), like Armageddon.every.single.time.

Then there's things like my wedding where Justin did something amazingly sweet and nearly every woman in the room was crying. I wasn't. Justin hold it against me to this day.

However, there are moments in surrogacy that have made me cry. Granted some of those moments were due to being stuffed full of extra hormones. I have 3 particular stories to share. So with 3 days to go you get 1 a day :)

This Isn't How It Was Supposed To Be
With surrogacy #2 I went in for my 24 week - routine check up.  The doctor noticed something she didn't like on the ultrasound. My cervix was beginning to shorten. She asked if I had noticed any contractions. I hadn't. She wanted to keep me for an hour or so to monitor to.  I was having contractions. 1 night in the hospital to see how bad it was.

1 night turned into 1 week. 1 week turned into "you'll be here until delivery". So here I was. 45 minutes from home. From my family.  3 weeks passed. I missed them, but facetime is magic and my amazing mother-in-law was staying with my family helping fill that mom sized gap at home.  I was OK.

Then the first day of school came. I had never missed dropping the kids off. That sucked. I barely held it together. That same day they did my gestational diabetes test. I failed. I barely held it together. That same day the nurse came in to do the blood sugar test before my meal for the first time. The small prick on my finger was enough. That small prick of pain opened the flood gates.

I didn't cry. I sobbed.

The nurse was amazing, she had been there for my 3 weeks and just held my hand. She smiled and said, "It's about time. Nobody gets stuck on hospital bed rest without a breakdown, you made it longer than most"

ALSO a week later I had an ultrasound to check things out. Baby A was still head down (which meant when I did deliver I didn't need a c-section so that was great news) and my cervix was holding steady.  A day or so later, my water broke. The doctor checked to make sure and the look she gave me... I knew it wasn't good. I knew it was my water and that babies were being delivered today (27 weeks 5 days).  However, it was more than that. "Rachael, I see feet. We need to take you in for c-section fast. Call whoever you need, we'll do it in 1 hour".

I called Justin. I cried.

4 Days To Go - Eli Wants All The Babies

It is very important that my kids understand what is going on with each surrogacy. When we started, the kids were 4-7 years old. So the extent they understood was much different than now at 9-12.

At the time, Justin was watching one of our friend's kids about once a week (which was a huge help). We started the conversation with something like this.

You know how Matt and Kim bring Sophie to our house? We play with her for awhile, take care of her, love her, and then she goes back home with her mom and dad.  Sophie belongs to Matt and Kim, not us. Just like the baby they will be putting in my tummy.  The baby was made by [Mom's Name] and [Dad's Name], but [Mom's Name]'s tummy doesn't work well so she can't hold her own baby there. So we are going to put the baby in my tummy and let it grow and take care of it and love it. Then when it is born, she'll go home with her mommy and daddy.

In a nutshell, that explains it. They know it isn't our baby (we aren't giving up their brother/sister).

Sometime around my 3rd surrogacy Eli was watching some TLC show where this family had a billion babies. I think like 4-6 of them, plus 1-2 older ones.  He decided he wanted to have that many babies. He became temporarily obsessed with how many babies he wanted to have.  So one day he was looking at my preggo belly and asked, "Mom, next time you have a baby, can it be you and daddy's baby so we can bring him home? Maybe you can have 4 (or maybe it was 6 - I don't remember) at the same time and I can help take care of them."

My response, "No way buddy! Not only is it physically impossible for us, I'm done with babies. But when you grow up and get married you can have as many as you want. Just make sure your wife knows how many you want before you get married because you'll have to agree."

He was still a little bummed, which is what prompted the adoption journey conversations. After all, we didn't want a baby, but we weren't against having another kid. 

5 Days To Go - Money Doesn't Solve All Your Problems

Sometimes, being a surrogate means working with a family who has very little understanding of how pregnancy and childbirth work.

I had one of those families.

A very wealthy family who was used to throwing money at their problems to fix them.  Who didn’t understand that you can’t pay a pregnancy to do what you want it to.

This family wanted 4 babies at the same time. So, they had 2 surrogates carrying twins.  They didn’t want to take more time away from home than needed so it was very important to them that me and the other surrogate deliver on the same exact day.  They were told several times (by doctors and the agency) that there was no way to control when the babies were born.

So, although willing, I was frustrated initially when I had to postpone the transfer day a week because they wanted us to transfer on the same day (extra week of shots). Because, they just “knew” if we transferred on the same day we’d deliver on the same day.

Then add to the situation that the other surro was a planned c-section and I was not. They started asking me to schedule my c-section the same day as the other surro.  The doctor and I reminded them repeatedly that the plan was NOT a c-section for me so a c-section would not be scheduled unless there was an emergency.  They ignored this and asked me every few weeks anyway if I could “change my mind”.

Sadly, my body was not a fan of twins and I went into labor at 27 weeks.  The babies were small and had complications (expected with such an early delivery). I was pumping for them since breast milk has so many amazing health benefits, especially for these wee ones.  HOWEVER, my body was NOT ready. It still thought it had 10+ weeks to go.  It was not ready to product enough milk for 1 baby let alone 2. Repeatedly, they offered to “pay me more” to make more milk. Despite doing every trick known to man to increase supply and pumping every 3 hours for weeks, my body just wasn’t having it. At one point the doctor told me they were shocked I was able to produce as much as I was, they would have expected less than half the volume with how early I delivered.

I finally stopped pumping because the guilt/pressure from the parents because of the unrealistic expectations they had of paying “my body” to do something it just wasn’t going to do. I felt horrible, but it forced them to seek other options that worked better for both of us anyway.

FYI, the babies are beautiful and healthy now. Well, not so much babies. They’ll be turning 4 in a few days! Despite our horrible ending to the pregnancy the parents do send me pictures every year on their birthday which is cool. However, they don’t want any picture shared online so I can’t show you here. But trust me, they’re adorable.

6 Days To Go - Congratulations?

What's the fun in being a surrogate if you can't have a ridiculous sense of humor?

There's this line of amazing surrogacy t-shirts I always told myself I'd get, but never did:

- My oven, their bun
- Their Peas, my pod
- (triangle with a pregnant lady, a husband and a wife) It's complicated.

The last one is my favorite. So you get a picture!

So, one of my favorite stories was after the delivery of my first surro baby.  The baby and mom stayed in my room with me because they were out of rooms in the hospital and I didn't want the mom to have to spend her first couple days as a mom only seeing the baby in the nursery for small amounts of time. At one point, the mom asked if she could leave the baby with me for a couple of hours so she could go buy a new car and car seat that were safe for baby.

Sure, why not. I really didn't mind.

So here I was holding the baby and the nurse walks in and without really looking at me, she looks at the baby and says, congratulations! She's beautiful.

To which I respond. Thanks, I'll tell the mom you think so.

She looked up and suddenly realized that small Asian baby didn't belong to me and had a panicked look on her face.

To avoid alarms going off (literally), I let her know I was the surrogate and the mom had stepped out. I did have a wrist band that matched the baby's.  She checked. Laughed it off. And left the room.

We're still holding out hope that at this delivery one of the nurses in the room won't realize it is a surrogacy so Justin can watch the baby born then say "That's not my baby!"

However, with the mom and dad standing in the room it probably won't work.

7 Days To Go - Look At That Baby Bump!

For those of you that don't know. I have been pregnant 6 times and delivered 7 babies.

3 of those are mine, the others are not.

When doing surrogacy (IVF in general) you get this amazing experience of knowing exactly when the baby is in your belly. You get to find out your pregnant super early into your pregnancy and get blood tests and ultrasounds almost every week to check things out.

AND if you are an overly sharing kind of person, like myself, your group of people know all about it to.

BUT there's this odd thing that happens. When people know you are pregnant they make comments about your baby bump.

I get it. I love seeing my friends' growing belly (shout out to Angie right now with the cutest baby bump ever).

But, during those first few weeks...you are not seeing my belly growing with the life in there. You are just seeing past pregnancies and growing older fat.  This my friends, is not a baby bump. This is leftover chub from pregnancies past. Also, it is my love of carbs (breads, nachos, and pasta - I could live without sweets).

So my friends, if you want to comment on how cute my baby bump is. Don't. Just hand a plate of nachos and tell me you appreciate my nacho belly.  Until I'm like 4 months pregnant at least, then you tell me my baby bump is cute (and still bring me nachos).

This is my nacho bump.

8 Days To Go - Let's Talk Uterus

The awkward phase of when people start talking about your uterus like a new pair of shoes is an odd one.

When you first start the surrogacy journey they have to do a medical approval. So, a fertility doctor checks out your insides.

So, as I lay there with the doctor examining things he asks if he can take some pictures to keep for training because I have a "perfect uterus". That was an odd statement. I agreed and moved on.

Then, you start your injections and the goal is to get a uterine lining to a certain thickness. So, with every surrogacy they check it out and you get a "good to go" or a "let's wait another week".  I've been lucky and always been "good to go." This also means I have heard more than once that my uterus looks good for a transfer. I mean, that's the goal, but it still gets talked about all casual like.

Maybe this shouldn't be weird to me. I mean, at this point it isn't, but at one point it was.

However, I think the most unusual was during my transfer last week.  The Doctor does one last check before the embryo transfer. As he does, he says something about my uterus looking great. It's perfect for the transfer, but then he adds (to the nurse in the room) "She has a magic uterus. She's 3 for 3 (3 transfers 3 pregnancies)".

So, there it is. I have a magic uterus.

9 Days To Go - Jordan Doesn't Tell Her Friends

So after the embryo transfer you have to go on bed rest for a couple of days.  That meant on Thursday I was stuck on the couch and couldn't get the kids from school.

My daddy came to the rescue (Justin had a meeting at work).

Normally the kids go to an after school program until I get them after work, but since Papa was picking them up they went straight to the front gate to be picked up.

Jordan, was not a fan of the "different" after school pick up. You see, Jordan doesn't like unnecessary attention.  She tried to hide her broken arm back in the day so people wouldn't notice it and ask her about it.

So, she was not a fan of people asking her questions about why her Papa was picking her up after school. In her words...

Then I'd have to tell them my mom is on bed rest. And they'll be like OH NO is she OK? And I'd be like yeah, she just had a baby put inside her so she has to rest. And then they'll be all confused and I'll have to tell them you are a surrogate and then they won't know what a surrogate is so I'll have to explain that. That's just too much talking.

10 Days To Go - The Bruise

I'm postponing Jordan's story for now to share the not-so-exciting part about surrogacy. Probably the worst part by far.

The injections.

WARNING there will be a picture of a portion of a very small portion of my rear end.

27 shots in 19 days. Saying it that way doesn't seem so bad actually.

Looking at it my sharps container isn't all that bad either.

Up until today, they had been going pretty well. The injections go in the upper/outter quadrant of your butt cheeks. Each side was speckled with small pin prick holes like a cluster of small red freckles.

Super cute.

But something went terribly wrong. I'm guessing I hit a blood vessel, but I don't really know how this all works.

I remember the first time they walked me through the injections and then they were like, "and now go home and do it for the first time completely unsupervised-untrained idiot" (that's not what they said, but that's how it felt). I prepped the needle and was like, how can these trained professionals trust somebody they walked through 2 minutes of training with stab themselves with real medication for the next several weeks?

But I did (well I told Justin how to do it).  I think sometimes the lack of really knowing what we are doing shows.  And it looks like this (for reference its slightly bigger than a quarter).

It looks significantly worse than it feels. It actually hurts no more or less then the other side that remains freckle faced.  The worst part is trying to find space around it to do the next shot.

11 Days to Go - Taylor Tells Her Friends

So, I should have started the countdown yesterday...but I didn't.

I'm off to a great start with this being a better blogger this time around. 5 points for me.

So yesterday was the transfer. The pregnancy test is 13 days later. I feel like that is SO much longer then before, but even having done this 3 other times, I actually don't really remember. Probably because each baby sucks a little of your brain power out with it.

True story.

I'm going to start with a surrogacy story relating to my children.  One about Taylor (today) and one about Jordan (tomorrow).

Surrogacy #1 - Taylor Tells Her Friends
One day, I go to pick up Taylor from school and run into her teacher.  Her teacher sees my large belly and congratulates me. 

EVERY time this happens with a surro pregnancy this choice runs through your head. Do I just say thank you and move on because I don't have the time to explain the situation. Or do I explain it isn't mine and prepare for a several minute long conversation about being a surrogate and answer all the questions to follow (FYI, I'm an open book so I don't mind answering them as long as I know I have time).

In this instance, I chose to say Thank You and move on. I had dinner to get home and make.

Apparently, later in class the teacher had talked to Taylor about being excited to get a new baby in the house. To which she promptly responded, "We're not keeping the baby, it isn't ours". To Taylor, this was a normal statement. We had done a pretty good job (apparently) explaining the situation to the kids. Taylor then of course added it was a Chinese baby in my belly.

I got a phone call.

I was told Taylor was telling people that I was having a Chinese baby and we weren't keeping the baby. I told the teacher she was correct. However, I'm not horrible so I also actually explained what was going on. She was relieved. And also asked if we could ask Taylor to not share it with her friends anymore because it was causing too much confusion. I agreed.

Round 4 - The Baby Boy

For those of you that don’t know already. We are in the midst of our 4th Surrogacy. I did such a great job blogging about my 1st surrogacy journey. It was hit or miss with my 2nd. I had high hopes for my 3rd, but after announcing the transfer was successful, I dropped off the face of the Earth.

This time, my hopes are once again high. I’ll keep you in the loop on the craziness.  I’m starting today (on my lunch break) with an update on what’s going on.

I’m 2 weeks into meds (go here if you want to know what they all do) that consists of 2-3 shots a day and pills.  Shots are the worst. Like really.  If you missed it, you can find a video on Facebook I took trying to do my own injection. I did it…finally.

This Thursday is baby transfer day.  I’ll be getting a baby boy embryo transferred. This is their only embryo (and likely their last) due to medical issues one of the IP (intended parents) is experiencing.

As per usual, I will do a count down to pregnancy test for you all.  So, starting Thursday, you will get a series of blogs leading up to the announcement of whether the baby stuck.  This time, the blogs will each tell a horribly awkward, embarrassing, frustrating, or just weird story related to things you get to experience as a surrogate.

I’ll also try to end each blog with a link to the surrogacy FAQ I created forever ago so for those of you that don’t know what exactly is happening you can read up. Also, Justin and I are open books so ask us any questions and we’ll be more than happy to answer.

Click here to read the surrogacy FAQ I created to find out more about surrogacy and our surrogacy journeys. 

But for now, admire this beautiful baby girl (Surro Baby #3) and be praying that her baby brother is strong, healthy, and ready to hang out in my belly for the next 37 weeks (ish).

733

Over the weekend I began to feel nauseous. It would come in waves.

Was it a sign of pregnancy? Or was I just coming down with something? Maybe knowing the upcoming pregnancy test was a couple days away was giving me butterflies/nausea.

Regardless, I had to wait until Monday (today) to know for sure.  If you are savvy in the world of baby growing you may already know my results.

In case you aren't (or you missed it) the title of this blog is my HCG level.  733.

I am most definitely pregnant.

Prayer Requests:

• That this little girl continues to grow and she is strong and healthy
• That the nausea is manageable (maybe this time I wont lose wait the 1st trimester)
• That my Intended Parents (IP) can see Christ in us

It Has Begun!

Hey, remember me?  It's been awhile. I hope we are still friends.

The last couple of weeks have been crazy.  From illnesses, to packing our ENTIRE house, to unpacking our entire house, oh and this surrogacy thing.

Again?! Why yes, again.  Because the last one was a little rough we weren't sure we'd be back here.  Even when we decided to give it a shot we weren't expecting to actually get matched with a family.  We were being pickier then before and  I had the twins preemie. Not a good combination.

But to our surprise we met an amazing family.  We will call them P2 because both of their names start with P.  P2 are amazing.  We clicked when we met them and we are super excited to work with them.  Within the last 2 DAYS s a lot has happened:

• Match Agreement Signed
• Contract Signed
• Calendar Given (injection and transfer schedule)

In the last 2 days a whirlwind of paperwork ended with me realizing that in less than a month I could be carrying my 7th baby!  Justin pointed out that this will mean over half the babies I have carried will not be his.

And so the process begins (well officially next week). And as always we'd love your support in the form of prayers.  Specifically...

Prayer Requests

• P2 only have 1 embryo.  Let's pray this little girl sticks and that she is strong and healthy.
• Injections.  So many injections are coming.  I know they hurt, I don't expect anything less, but pray for a fast recoup between injections (soon to be 1-3 per day).
• And as always, pray that P2 can see Christ in us.  That our interactions with them just ooze with Christ's image on our lives. Side note, they MIGHT come to church with us when they are in CA which would be crazy awesome.

DISCLAIMER aka THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

Click here for my Surrogacy FAQ. As always PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact Justin or I if you have questions or concerns. We are open and willing to share everything

The Twin Story (Part 7)

Now to wrap up this 7-part series about the twins with a little Q&A:

What happened to the babies?

The babies did great! They went home around Thanksgiving and are now really home in Singapore.

Was it hard to give them up?

I don’t like that question. I never had anything to give up.  They were never mine.  I was merely babysitting.  The hardest part about this surrogacy in particular was knowing the babies were “alone” for 2 days.  Their parents weren’t in the US yet and I wasn’t allowed to see them.  So they were in the NICU…alone (obviously they had amazing nurses/doctors caring for them).  Once the parents were there that “instinct” to take care of them was gone – they were “home” in the arms of their parents and that is all I needed to know.

Did you pump for the babies?

Yes, I did.  I found out that delivering early is NOT good for milk production.  I struggled a LOT and had several clogged milk ducts (lots of pain).  I sadly had to stop after about 2 months because my supply was horrible (and so was the pain).

Can we see pictures?

No.  The family asked that I do not share pictures.  

Have you heard from the parents?

No.  The parents have not kept in contact.  I have sent messages a few times, but they have not responded since around Christmas.  I saw them a couple of times post-delivery when I was handing off milk, but overall this family seems to want their space/privacy.

Is that hard for you?

It’s complicated.  I’ve always said I would love to keep in contact, but I understand if they didn’t want to.  So I’m ok with the lack of contact.  The hard part has been the feeling of disappointment.  The family seemed very involved until I delivered.  They always said they wanted to stay in contact after delivery so (although I tried not to) I took it personally that they changed their mind.  Like I “failed” at my job of surrogate so they no longer wanted me involved.

Are you going to do it again?

I said if I had to have a C-Section that I would be done.  HOWEVER, there’s this pull I can’t explain.  Little things like reading an article about a family struggling with infertility.  THIS BREAKS MY HEART!  I want so badly to help these people grow their families.  I will never really know their pain, but there is this part of me that wants to help them any way I can.  So will I do it again? I actually don’t know yet.  My family is supportive of the choice to do it again, but there are still lots of things to consider.   The choice has not been made yet.  If I do there will be some changes: only singleton (no twins), only for a family who does not already have children (unless my first IP wanted more, I’d do it for them again in a heartbeat), my doctor would have to tell me that it is OK to do a VBAC (vaginal delivery after C Section), finding IP that would be willing to work with a surrogate that delivered pre-term (I think this will be the hardest part).

The Twin Story (Part 6)

My first thought… AWESOME! I’m having these babies today!  I’ll get to go home and see my family!

My second thought… CRAP I’m having these babies today! They are too early! The parents won’t make it time!

Up to this point (up to a day earlier) baby A had been head down the ENTIRE pregnancy.  Ready for me to do a nice, smooth, vaginal delivery like all 4 deliveries before.  I was excited.  I knew the chances of a C-Section were high with twins, but the babies had been cooperative.  Then…

The doctor looks at me, I see it in her eyes…something is wrong…

“Rachael, I see baby A’s toes”

The doctor KNEW of everything that had gone wrong so far, this was one of my biggest fears.  I could handle Bed Rest… I could handle missing my family… I could handle gestational diabetes…but being cut open terrified me.

“Call your husband, we will be going into the operating room in about an hour”

The next hour is a blur (and not just because I’m writing this 9 months late).  The fear was overwhelming.  I remember calling Justin sobbing.  I remember texting the Intended Parents (IP).  I remember sitting on the operating table shivering as the doctor prepared me. I remember laying there and feeling the calmness of my amazing husband holding my hand.

Then I felt a few tugs and there she was.  Baby A (Arleen).  A few more tugs and there she was.  Baby B (Angel).

The nurses got to work and before wheeling them out paused briefly so I can see them. 

I cried.  I don’t know exactly why I cried.

Joy? Yes, they were alive!  

Fear? Yes, would they survive? They are so tiny!

Failure? Yes, I didn’t do enough to keep them in… what could I have done differently?

Sadness? Yes, the IP didn’t have enough time to get here.  The babies are going to be alone for another day or 2.

I remember starting to feel discomfort as the stitching/stapling began.  I remember the SEVERE pain of being forced to change beds and having to move myself because they needed my room.  I remember the horrible pain that comes with being sliced in half.

And the best part… I remember being able to go home.  I missed home.