The Twin Story (Part 6)

My first thought… AWESOME! I’m having these babies today!  I’ll get to go home and see my family!

My second thought… CRAP I’m having these babies today! They are too early! The parents won’t make it time!

Up to this point (up to a day earlier) baby A had been head down the ENTIRE pregnancy.  Ready for me to do a nice, smooth, vaginal delivery like all 4 deliveries before.  I was excited.  I knew the chances of a C-Section were high with twins, but the babies had been cooperative.  Then…

The doctor looks at me, I see it in her eyes…something is wrong…

“Rachael, I see baby A’s toes”

The doctor KNEW of everything that had gone wrong so far, this was one of my biggest fears.  I could handle Bed Rest… I could handle missing my family… I could handle gestational diabetes…but being cut open terrified me.

“Call your husband, we will be going into the operating room in about an hour”

The next hour is a blur (and not just because I’m writing this 9 months late).  The fear was overwhelming.  I remember calling Justin sobbing.  I remember texting the Intended Parents (IP).  I remember sitting on the operating table shivering as the doctor prepared me. I remember laying there and feeling the calmness of my amazing husband holding my hand.

Then I felt a few tugs and there she was.  Baby A (Arleen).  A few more tugs and there she was.  Baby B (Angel).

The nurses got to work and before wheeling them out paused briefly so I can see them. 

I cried.  I don’t know exactly why I cried.

Joy? Yes, they were alive!  

Fear? Yes, would they survive? They are so tiny!

Failure? Yes, I didn’t do enough to keep them in… what could I have done differently?

Sadness? Yes, the IP didn’t have enough time to get here.  The babies are going to be alone for another day or 2.

I remember starting to feel discomfort as the stitching/stapling began.  I remember the SEVERE pain of being forced to change beds and having to move myself because they needed my room.  I remember the horrible pain that comes with being sliced in half.

And the best part… I remember being able to go home.  I missed home.

So Sayith Tay, Jay, and Eli #8

Remember when I was a good mom and did Family Blog Night once a week... good times.  This is in no way a commitment to do this regularly, but I saw this posted on Facebook to ask husbands and figured it would work well for the kids too.  Enjoy!

I asked all these questions about me to my kids:

What is something I always say? 

Taylor: No

Jordan: For us to clean up our room, do chores

Elijah: Cuddle with me Elijah

What makes me happy?

Taylor: Obey You

Jordan: When we listen to you

Elijah: When I cuddle with you

What makes me sad?

Taylor: Not obeying you

Jordan: When we don't listen to you

Elijah: When I hurt you

What was I like as a child?

Taylor: you loved to scare your sister

Jordan: small

Elijah: baby toys

How old am I?

Taylor: 30 (I'm 31)

Jordan: Right now? I don't know

Elijah: 18 no no no 6

How tall am I?

Taylor: about 4 feet (I'm 5' 7'')

Jordan: Very tall

Elijah: 8

What's my favorite thing to do?

Taylor: you love to spend time with your family at Knotts Berry Farm

Jordan: Spend time with us

Elijah: play with me

What do I do when you're not around?

Taylor: Watch scary movies that we cannot watch

Jordan: You would normally lay down

Elijah: play with Taylor or Jordan

If I become famous, what will it be for?

Taylor: being in choir

Jordan: Uh because of your singing

Elijah: You're gonna be a pretty girl

What am I good at?

Taylor: you're good at singing

Jordan: You're good at being a mom

Elijah: stacking things

What am I not good at?

Taylor: taking care of me ::giggles:: I said that as a joke. You're not good at basketball, but I'm just guessing

Jordan: You are not good at playing the guitar

Elijah: stacking dominoes...like when you stack it straight up, you're really bad at that

What is my favorite food?

Taylor: Artichoke with that other stuff, that dip you put it in (she means garlic aioli)

Jordan: Artichoke

Elijah: spaghetti and meatballs, that was easy

What do we do together?

Taylor: puzzles and paramedic (she means pandemic)

Jordan: Cuddle

Elijah: play

How are you and I the same?

Taylor: we like Goosebumps and we're Christians

Jordan: Freckles

Elijah: um, we do exercise the same. Remember when we do exercises together and I was stronger than you?

Where is my favorite place to eat?

Taylor: Olive Garden ::giggle:: I heard dad

Jordan: A place where there's artichoke

Elijah: At Ruby's

If I could go anywhere, where would it be?

Taylor: Texas

Jordan: You would go to your bed to sleep

Elijah: Disneyland to get cotton candy of course, momma loves cotton candy (I hate cotton candy by the way)

Do you think you could live with me forever? 

Taylor: Yeah

Jordan: No, because I'll be old and then die

Elijah: Yes, well until you die...then I couldn't.  Or until I die...because bees can sting you.

What is your favorite thing about me?

Taylor: That we are alike

Jordan: That you make us all dinner

Elijah: When you play with me

The Twin Story (Part 5)

27 weeks, 3 days I was FINALLY getting my glucose test.  Before getting this test I was told that I would FAIL – because when you have twins it is very likely you will have gestational diabetes AND when you are bed rest the test isn’t very accurate because you aren’t on “normal” activity. 

So I failed.  And for the first time in my 3 weeks in the hospital I full all sobbed.  I know…gestational diabetes is not that big of deal.  It was just that final thing… I just finally broke.  My calmness took a 10 minute vacation right as the shift change and my new nurse, Maria, walked in, asked “how are you today” and I…just…broke

She was awesome.  She showed me the whole finger pricking process and told me that I would be seeing a diabetic consultant the next day and that I should ask for a “take home” tester because they hurt less than the hospital ones.  This small suggestion from the nurse knocked me out of my funk and the calmness returned.

I met with a dietitian and argued with her.  You see – I have a blood disorder that causes anemia that cannot be treated with iron pills.  So I have to eat iron rich foods.  Vitamin C helps you absorb the iron in foods.  She was telling me I couldn’t have any Oranges/Orange juice (which is what I needed for the vitamin C).  She finally agreed to allow it every-other-meal.

So a couple of days into my finger pricking days – Week 27, Day 5 – I woke up at 6AM like always and was feeling a tad nauseous.  This is not uncommon for me. 

I forced myself to eat about half of my breakfast and my stomach was like “STOP!”

I went to the bathroom and emptied my bladder (a quite frequent occurrence) and as I stoop my stomach got revenge.  All of the contents of my stomach decided to evacuate briskly (I’m glad I was already in the bathroom or the rest of the story would have been much messier).  As the food made it’s exit I felt a tiny little gush in my lady bits.  I thought…UGH I peed on myself (again a quite frequent occurrence when you are pregnant).

I walked back to my bed and was suddenly hit with a flood of fear.  I had JUST peed.  How did I pee on myself?

As I sat in bed and hooked myself back up to the monitors my doctor came in and asked how things were.  I told her – I told her what just happened and she was confident I had peed on myself (like I said this happens ALL THE TIME).  To be safe, she’d do a swab to test for “water” (amniotic fluid).

She got me in position and immediately told the nurse she didn’t need the swab “your bag of waters is actually hanging out of your cervix.   You are about 5 cm dilated and you are going to have these babies today”

The Twin Story (Part 4)

The doctor told me the day of 24 Weeks, 1 day into my pregnancy that we would take this whole bed rest thing in chunks.  My first “Goal” was to make it to 24 weeks over the weekend which I had done.  Now my goal was 28 weeks (from there 32…then 36 for delivery).

So what in the world was I going to do stuck in a hospital bed for 4 weeks??

A nurse came in shortly after the news and told me now that I was in for the long haul she wanted to change my room to a room with a view.  So she helped me pack my things and gave me a nice room with a huge window looking outside to a mall across the way (before my window faced another window from another hospital wing.

I also have amazing friends and a great church family that stopped by with things to help me pass my time like a laptop to borrow, crosswords, snacks, etc.  

I watched WAY too much reality TV and started a “read your bible in a year” program with a goal of doing 1 week worth of reading every day.

You would THINK I’d catch up on sleep, but at the time I was being woken up every 6 hours for meds and so at 6AM they would come in and I could never go to sleep after that.

One of THE hardest parts of bedrest came just a few days after I was admitted.  My kids were starting school.  For the first time I was missing it.  Elijah was starting Kindergarten and I wouldn’t be there for his FIRST DAY of starting his “student” life!  It may not seem like a big deal and I am positive my kids didn’t notice, but this was hard for me.

Justin helped and brought the kids (and dinner) to visit after their first day so they could tell me all about it.

From that point things are a blur and I cannot remember what happened when, but here are some highlights:

• I found out the contraction medication I was on could not be given to me if my blood pressure was below 100/70.  I can’t recall a time in my life I have ever been over 100 or over 70.

• The nurses checking my BP were giving me the medication anyway

• There was a couple of times the nurses were going to give me the medication without checking and I had to remind them (and ended up not being able to take it)

• Because I couldn’t take the magic contraction pills they had to give me some injection (It was SUPER painful)

• They did an ultrasound and babies were healthy, but my cervix had gotten down to a .5

• They gave me a round of steroids to help with babies’ lungs (which causes contractions by the way).  THIS caused me to ache from head to toe.  Like a deep ache that made me want to curl up and cry.  I did not handle steroids well. 

• My surrogacy group ladies came to have our group meeting in my hospital room!  This was AMAZING! I love those ladies.

And that is the “in between” time of my bed rest.  So here I was…27 weeks, 3 days… I was almost at my 28 week mark.

The Twin Story (Part 3)

Somewhere in the middle of the night my nurse came in to tell me I had gone from 3 contractions an hour to 6.  I was still not feeling them so there wasn’t too much concern.  However, they started giving me some medication (every 6 hours) to reduce the contractions.

I have to take a short break here for 2 things:

1.  Nurses are amazing.  The amount of work they have is crazy.  The amount of people they are monitoring and keeping safe while doctors float about is incredible.  I believe my story would have been MUCH different if I hadn’t had such amazing nurses.

2. My blood pressure is pretty much always on the lower side.  I’m usually around 90/60 (this will make sense later)

And so for 3 days/nights I just did my thing.  I woke up every 6 hours for blood pressure checks (by the way – I didn’t know why they were doing this), magic contraction prevention pills, and moving the baby monitors so my belly wouldn’t get sore (I had them on at all times).  And since I was being monitored for contractions 24 hours a day I also learned VERY quickly that everything in life causes contractions.

• If I sit up – I had more contractions

• If I laid down my heart burn would pick up and make me cough – coughing caused more contractions

• If I didn’t drink 3-4 ounces of water an hour I wasn’t hydrated enough so – I had more contractions

• Drinking all that water made me have to pee like every 3 hours and when I had a full bladder – I had more contractions

• When I slept – I had more contractions

• When talking to Justin (who makes me laugh) – I had more contractions

So I am apparently REALLY good at having contractions.  But when you are just over 24 weeks pregnant that’s not such a good thing.

So then Monday came along.  I assumed this was the day they’d do another ultrasound and let me know if I could go home.  My doctor had other plans.

She told me they would NOT be doing an ultrasound because it was very likely that my cervix had shortened more because of the number of contractions I was having.  She didn’t want to do an ultrasound and risk irritating my cervix because it could CAUSE MORE CONTRACTIONS.  She told me I would be at the hospital until I delivered.

In my mind I thought… I’m 24 weeks! I’m going to be in here for 12+ weeks?!  Here is where I would freak out.  Here is where my inability to not be in control would cause me insane anxiety.  

However, I had a crazy peace that I know came directly from God in that moment.  A calmness that did NOT come from me in any way.  I felt it and thought, “Why am I not freaking out right now? I should totally be freaking out right now”.

My doctor even seemed confused my calmness  - in the few weeks we had been in this patient/doctor relationship she had seen my desire to be “in control” and want things to go “as planned”.  She asked if I was OK:

In the end, I want these babies to be healthy and if being here is what will do that, then I’m ok with it.

I said it…I thought… “am I ok with this is?”…”I think I am”