It Has Begun!

Hey, remember me?  It's been awhile. I hope we are still friends.

The last couple of weeks have been crazy.  From illnesses, to packing our ENTIRE house, to unpacking our entire house, oh and this surrogacy thing.

Again?! Why yes, again.  Because the last one was a little rough we weren't sure we'd be back here.  Even when we decided to give it a shot we weren't expecting to actually get matched with a family.  We were being pickier then before and  I had the twins preemie. Not a good combination.

But to our surprise we met an amazing family.  We will call them P2 because both of their names start with P.  P2 are amazing.  We clicked when we met them and we are super excited to work with them.  Within the last 2 DAYS s a lot has happened:

• Match Agreement Signed
• Contract Signed
• Calendar Given (injection and transfer schedule)

In the last 2 days a whirlwind of paperwork ended with me realizing that in less than a month I could be carrying my 7th baby!  Justin pointed out that this will mean over half the babies I have carried will not be his.

And so the process begins (well officially next week). And as always we'd love your support in the form of prayers.  Specifically...

Prayer Requests

• P2 only have 1 embryo.  Let's pray this little girl sticks and that she is strong and healthy.
• Injections.  So many injections are coming.  I know they hurt, I don't expect anything less, but pray for a fast recoup between injections (soon to be 1-3 per day).
• And as always, pray that P2 can see Christ in us.  That our interactions with them just ooze with Christ's image on our lives. Side note, they MIGHT come to church with us when they are in CA which would be crazy awesome.

DISCLAIMER aka THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

Click here for my Surrogacy FAQ. As always PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact Justin or I if you have questions or concerns. We are open and willing to share everything

A New Type of Nickname

Growing up, my parents were always very honest with me.  I was an inquisitive child.  I asked a question, they gave me an answer.  They didn’t really dumb it down either.  Whether that was always intentional or related to the fact that they were teenagers raising a child who just HAD to know EVERYTHING.  All that to say I knew a lot about things kids my age had never heard of.

When raising our kids, Justin and I decided on a quite similar approach.  There have been times we have told them we are NOT giving them the full answer because they were not ready to process it all.  Add to that the fact we were a surrogate family which involved a lot of explanation to the kids about how the baby I was carrying was NOT our baby – which involved a lot of explanation about the difference in a baby mom and dad created vs IVF.  Needless-to-say, my kids know quite a bit about growing babies and understand clearly that mom and dad are incapable of growing their own.

Then adoption came up.  As we explained that we might bring home another brother.  Not a baby brother, but a brother their age, they understood.  They understood that for some reason another mom and dad couldn’t take care of their son so we would help for a while (foster) and if after some time, they still weren’t able he would join our family permanently (adopt).  We’ve been having these conversations with them for about a year.

That being said, for Christmas I got this awesome gift from my mother-in-law.  I’m not typically a jewelry gal, but this I love.

Jordan sat with me one day being an awesome cuddler, playing with the necklace and then this happened:

Jordan: Mommy, this isn’t a very good necklace.

Me: Why? I love it.

Jordan: It will make our new brother sad.

Me: It will?

Jordan: yeah, his name isn’t on here.  That’s not fair.

Me: Maybe I can get a new one or we can figure out how to add him.

Jordan: I know! We can just name him Taylor, Jordan, or Elijah!

Me: We don’t get to name him.

Jordan: We can just give him a new nick name.

Me: That’s not really how nick names work.

Jordan: No, it’s OK.  It’s a great idea.

My kids are ready for a brother.  Justin and I are ready for a son.  Let’s hope our adoption agency actually gets back to us AND when they do it is good news (that we qualify).

WOMEN making CHOICES about LIFE

I know I promised something more fun and entertaining, but I’m a liar today.  Today I am feeling rather broken – well actually the brokenness has been slowly creeping in over the last week (granted a good portion of that is probably just those psycho hormones that we women have to deal with).

There are a million blogs about this topic.  I know for a fact I will not bring anything new to the table.  I will not be writing some incredible blog that changes the world – I’ll likely not change the mind of anyone.  But none-the-less, when I get emotional – I write.  So, this is me, writing.

I am Pro-Life.  I am NOT anti-woman.  I am NOT anti-choice.

I am NOT anti-choice

You have every right to make whatever choices you want.  God created us to make our own choices.  He allows us to decide whatever we want.  It just happens that because you make a choice – it doesn’t make it the RIGHT choice.  Right choice? Yes.  Choices are right or wrong.  RIGHT choices are the choices we are MADE to make.  Because we are MADE by God, IN HIS IMAGE.  So, I support you in your free will to make the RIGHT or the WRONG choice.  But because of my love for you (I mean really – I love you) I want to see all of my friends/family make the RIGHT choices.  And sadly, the RIGHT choices are NOT relative.  TRUTH is not relative.  Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it relative.  Playing in the street is not safe (TRUTH) even if don’t think it is a big deal since you think its OK/Safe (until you get hit by a car and it’s too late).  I am NOT anti-Choice.  I just know that not all choices are the right choices.

I am NOT anti-woman

I am a woman.  Woman rock.  Do you know the things our bodies can do?!  Do you know the flood of emotions we have to process every day and still act like normal human beings? We are rock stars! However, we are NOT men.  We are different.  We do NOT deserve less, but we are different.  We process things differently.  Our bodies do things differently.  We have a different role to play in life and that is OK.  Not everyone is a doctor.  That is OK.  I made to follow my husband’s authority.  That is OK.  I don’t want the burden he has.  It’s his job to make the choices for his family, to lead, protect, provide.  That’s a LOT of responsibility I am glad I don’t have.  And a “submissive wife” doesn’t mean I’m all “yes dear” or, “as you wish dear”.  I support him.  I offer advice.  I help him in the decision making.  I pray for him.  I take care of things so he can focus on the big stuff.  We work together, but in the end, it is his choice to make (and his neck on the line if it goes awry).  I am NOT anti-woman.  I just know we are different – not lesser – just different.

I am Pro-Life

Wait, isn’t this anti-choice? Well no.  Make your choices, it is your right to.  But EVERYONE should be able to make their own choices.  You should NOT be able to take away somebody’s choice.  That baby in you is a life.  A life that deserves the right to make their own choices.  I don’t care the circumstances that made that life, it is still a life.  You have a choice not to be part of the life of that baby.  Being pregnant does NOT ruin/end your life.  But killing a baby – well that ruins/ends their life.  That removes their choice to life or death.  So, I will continue to fight for their life while so many deem them unworthy to live it.  Because they can’t fight their own battle.  Because a 2-year-old being beaten to death and fetus being torn from the womb are not different.  They are lives, too young to be able to stand up for themselves.  Lives that deserve the right to make their own choices.  It is NOT your right to make the choice of life/death for them. 

A Tale of 6 Davis'?

So the original Davis blog was, "A Tale of Four Davis".  We used to have 2 kids.  We used to have 1 kid.  We didn't have much married life without a kid in the mix.

But 2 kids, that was 'normal'.  When we announced our 3rd the comments / remarks / disapproval / concerns really began.

• 3 kids are too many
• 3 kids are too expensive
• They'll out number you
• You wont have time for all of them
• You don't have room for all of them
• Why would you want that many
• Good thing Justin is getting "fixed"

Really, I mean really-really, all of that didn't really bother me.  3 kids was overwhelming at times (especially in the beginning), but we made it work.  As they've gotten older it has gotten easier - not EASY, but easier.  We've gotten better at balancing our time with them so they each get their one-on-one time.  We've gotten better at learning how to parent each one a little differently because they are NOT the same.  Sometimes our tempers are short.  Sometimes we have to seek forgiveness from them when we screw up.  Sometimes we can't buy the new and fancy things because we have 5 mouths to feed.

And that is ok.

We have hit our groove. We are NOT perfect.  We can be rather bad at parenting at times.  But we're learning from our mistakes and learning how to love our kids better every day (I can feel Justin's judgement at the cliche of what I just said).

So, when we started toying with the idea of adding another child to our home it seemed like a good idea.  The Davis' - a 4 child family?  You say you have (or are going to have) 4 kids and all of a sudden you are a psychopath.  WHY?

• You should buy a house first: Why? Does owning a home mean we will suddenly be better parents?  Does going into debt again mean we're suddenly more financially stable?
• You need a bigger home first: Why?  If we have 2 girls in their own room and Elijah in his own room - it is ok, but if Eli now has to share a room suddenly our house is too small?  Between church and school, we don't spend that much time at home anyway.
• You need more money: Do we? We are debt free.  Again, we don't always have new shiny things.  We can't always go out to eat with friends.  But every month we have enough to save for our future home, enough to set aside some family fun cash, enough to pay for each of the kids to do an 'extra curricular' activity, enough that we can save a little for each of the kid's futures. 

SO instead of being super negative, can you pray for us?  Instead of secretly gossiping about how crazy we are, can you talk to us?  Our adoption journey has begun.  We don't know what it will look like.  We don't know if we'll ever actually be able to give Elijah a brother. BUT we could use your support :)  Support in the form of conversations (if you have doubts lets talk through them).  Support in the form of babysitting offers (not very many people will take 4 kids).  But most importantly, support in the form of prayer.  Prayer that God prepare our hearts AND our kids' hearts to welcome a new boy to our home.  Prayer for our future son (just FYI we're trying for a 6-8 year old), that he can make the transition.

Anyone Know a Lawyer?

Every 2-3 weeks for the last 3-4 months the following has occurred:

• Get a notice from my apartment complex saying they will be spraying for pests so I must “prep” my apartment – attached is a list of how to prep based on the pest being sprayed for.
• I call the office to figure out what “prep” needs to be done since the notice doesn’t tell you what pest they are spraying for
• They don’t know so they tell me to do everything
• I do “everything” which takes 4-5 hours (empty kitchen completely and put everything in living room/dining room table, empty bathroom, empty all closets)
• I get these notices late on a weekday and so that means I have to do all of this the following weekday (at night) which means I have to do it after work which means I am getting in bed around midnight and getting up at 6AM.
• That whole night (and the day they spray) the living room and dining room are unusable because they are full of stuff.  The kitchen is also unusable because we can’t dirty any dishes since we can’t wash them because everything is “packed up”. This means we have to eat out 2-3 meals which costs us unnecessary money.
• Their window for spraying is 9AM-3PM and we can’t return for “4 hours” after they spray.  They don’t tell you when they spray so you don’t know when you can return.
• ALSO since we have to be gone when they spray and for 4 hours after we have to find something to do all day.  During the summer this meant Justin couldn’t do homework for an entire day AND that he had to somehow entertain kids for an entire day.  During the school year this means again – Justin can’t do homework and neither can the kids (well not easily).
• The next day I have to put everything back (3-4 hours)
• Repeat every 2-3 weeks.

If I fail to do any of this I am in lease violation and get a write up.  HOW IS THIS REASONABLE? HOW IS THIS OK? How can they keep doing this and costing me hours of work, costing us money (since we can’t be at home or use our home for 2 days), making Justin miss homework, and making me miss work getting this all done so often?  If “pests” are that big of an issue shouldn’t they be paying to move us somewhere temporarily while they address it?  Why should I have to pay for somebody else’s problem?  OH I forgot to mention…they aren’t even spraying our apartment because we reported an issue… the “pest” issue is some other apartment…

I understand this happening on occasion.  But at what point, at what frequency is it "too much"!