WOMEN making CHOICES about LIFE

I know I promised something more fun and entertaining, but I’m a liar today.  Today I am feeling rather broken – well actually the brokenness has been slowly creeping in over the last week (granted a good portion of that is probably just those psycho hormones that we women have to deal with).

There are a million blogs about this topic.  I know for a fact I will not bring anything new to the table.  I will not be writing some incredible blog that changes the world – I’ll likely not change the mind of anyone.  But none-the-less, when I get emotional – I write.  So, this is me, writing.

I am Pro-Life.  I am NOT anti-woman.  I am NOT anti-choice.

I am NOT anti-choice

You have every right to make whatever choices you want.  God created us to make our own choices.  He allows us to decide whatever we want.  It just happens that because you make a choice – it doesn’t make it the RIGHT choice.  Right choice? Yes.  Choices are right or wrong.  RIGHT choices are the choices we are MADE to make.  Because we are MADE by God, IN HIS IMAGE.  So, I support you in your free will to make the RIGHT or the WRONG choice.  But because of my love for you (I mean really – I love you) I want to see all of my friends/family make the RIGHT choices.  And sadly, the RIGHT choices are NOT relative.  TRUTH is not relative.  Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it relative.  Playing in the street is not safe (TRUTH) even if don’t think it is a big deal since you think its OK/Safe (until you get hit by a car and it’s too late).  I am NOT anti-Choice.  I just know that not all choices are the right choices.

I am NOT anti-woman

I am a woman.  Woman rock.  Do you know the things our bodies can do?!  Do you know the flood of emotions we have to process every day and still act like normal human beings? We are rock stars! However, we are NOT men.  We are different.  We do NOT deserve less, but we are different.  We process things differently.  Our bodies do things differently.  We have a different role to play in life and that is OK.  Not everyone is a doctor.  That is OK.  I made to follow my husband’s authority.  That is OK.  I don’t want the burden he has.  It’s his job to make the choices for his family, to lead, protect, provide.  That’s a LOT of responsibility I am glad I don’t have.  And a “submissive wife” doesn’t mean I’m all “yes dear” or, “as you wish dear”.  I support him.  I offer advice.  I help him in the decision making.  I pray for him.  I take care of things so he can focus on the big stuff.  We work together, but in the end, it is his choice to make (and his neck on the line if it goes awry).  I am NOT anti-woman.  I just know we are different – not lesser – just different.

I am Pro-Life

Wait, isn’t this anti-choice? Well no.  Make your choices, it is your right to.  But EVERYONE should be able to make their own choices.  You should NOT be able to take away somebody’s choice.  That baby in you is a life.  A life that deserves the right to make their own choices.  I don’t care the circumstances that made that life, it is still a life.  You have a choice not to be part of the life of that baby.  Being pregnant does NOT ruin/end your life.  But killing a baby – well that ruins/ends their life.  That removes their choice to life or death.  So, I will continue to fight for their life while so many deem them unworthy to live it.  Because they can’t fight their own battle.  Because a 2-year-old being beaten to death and fetus being torn from the womb are not different.  They are lives, too young to be able to stand up for themselves.  Lives that deserve the right to make their own choices.  It is NOT your right to make the choice of life/death for them. 

A Tale of 6 Davis'?

So the original Davis blog was, "A Tale of Four Davis".  We used to have 2 kids.  We used to have 1 kid.  We didn't have much married life without a kid in the mix.

But 2 kids, that was 'normal'.  When we announced our 3rd the comments / remarks / disapproval / concerns really began.

• 3 kids are too many
• 3 kids are too expensive
• They'll out number you
• You wont have time for all of them
• You don't have room for all of them
• Why would you want that many
• Good thing Justin is getting "fixed"

Really, I mean really-really, all of that didn't really bother me.  3 kids was overwhelming at times (especially in the beginning), but we made it work.  As they've gotten older it has gotten easier - not EASY, but easier.  We've gotten better at balancing our time with them so they each get their one-on-one time.  We've gotten better at learning how to parent each one a little differently because they are NOT the same.  Sometimes our tempers are short.  Sometimes we have to seek forgiveness from them when we screw up.  Sometimes we can't buy the new and fancy things because we have 5 mouths to feed.

And that is ok.

We have hit our groove. We are NOT perfect.  We can be rather bad at parenting at times.  But we're learning from our mistakes and learning how to love our kids better every day (I can feel Justin's judgement at the cliche of what I just said).

So, when we started toying with the idea of adding another child to our home it seemed like a good idea.  The Davis' - a 4 child family?  You say you have (or are going to have) 4 kids and all of a sudden you are a psychopath.  WHY?

• You should buy a house first: Why? Does owning a home mean we will suddenly be better parents?  Does going into debt again mean we're suddenly more financially stable?
• You need a bigger home first: Why?  If we have 2 girls in their own room and Elijah in his own room - it is ok, but if Eli now has to share a room suddenly our house is too small?  Between church and school, we don't spend that much time at home anyway.
• You need more money: Do we? We are debt free.  Again, we don't always have new shiny things.  We can't always go out to eat with friends.  But every month we have enough to save for our future home, enough to set aside some family fun cash, enough to pay for each of the kids to do an 'extra curricular' activity, enough that we can save a little for each of the kid's futures. 

SO instead of being super negative, can you pray for us?  Instead of secretly gossiping about how crazy we are, can you talk to us?  Our adoption journey has begun.  We don't know what it will look like.  We don't know if we'll ever actually be able to give Elijah a brother. BUT we could use your support :)  Support in the form of conversations (if you have doubts lets talk through them).  Support in the form of babysitting offers (not very many people will take 4 kids).  But most importantly, support in the form of prayer.  Prayer that God prepare our hearts AND our kids' hearts to welcome a new boy to our home.  Prayer for our future son (just FYI we're trying for a 6-8 year old), that he can make the transition.

Anyone Know a Lawyer?

Every 2-3 weeks for the last 3-4 months the following has occurred:

• Get a notice from my apartment complex saying they will be spraying for pests so I must “prep” my apartment – attached is a list of how to prep based on the pest being sprayed for.
• I call the office to figure out what “prep” needs to be done since the notice doesn’t tell you what pest they are spraying for
• They don’t know so they tell me to do everything
• I do “everything” which takes 4-5 hours (empty kitchen completely and put everything in living room/dining room table, empty bathroom, empty all closets)
• I get these notices late on a weekday and so that means I have to do all of this the following weekday (at night) which means I have to do it after work which means I am getting in bed around midnight and getting up at 6AM.
• That whole night (and the day they spray) the living room and dining room are unusable because they are full of stuff.  The kitchen is also unusable because we can’t dirty any dishes since we can’t wash them because everything is “packed up”. This means we have to eat out 2-3 meals which costs us unnecessary money.
• Their window for spraying is 9AM-3PM and we can’t return for “4 hours” after they spray.  They don’t tell you when they spray so you don’t know when you can return.
• ALSO since we have to be gone when they spray and for 4 hours after we have to find something to do all day.  During the summer this meant Justin couldn’t do homework for an entire day AND that he had to somehow entertain kids for an entire day.  During the school year this means again – Justin can’t do homework and neither can the kids (well not easily).
• The next day I have to put everything back (3-4 hours)
• Repeat every 2-3 weeks.

If I fail to do any of this I am in lease violation and get a write up.  HOW IS THIS REASONABLE? HOW IS THIS OK? How can they keep doing this and costing me hours of work, costing us money (since we can’t be at home or use our home for 2 days), making Justin miss homework, and making me miss work getting this all done so often?  If “pests” are that big of an issue shouldn’t they be paying to move us somewhere temporarily while they address it?  Why should I have to pay for somebody else’s problem?  OH I forgot to mention…they aren’t even spraying our apartment because we reported an issue… the “pest” issue is some other apartment…

I understand this happening on occasion.  But at what point, at what frequency is it "too much"!

The Boy Named Nico

I dropped Taylor off today at CF Dance Academy and headed to the stairs to sit and wait for her to finish.  At the half way point was a young boy dancing about.

Me: Do you mind if I sit here to?
Boy: Sure! (a huge smile spread across his face)

I sat down and took out my dinner and began to eat.

Boy: Is that your food?
Me: Yup.  Did you eat dinner already?
Boy: No
Me: How long before you leave (I assumed he was also waiting for somebody to finish a dance class)
Boy: I don't know, what time is it?
Me: 5:45
Boy: Oh (I could tell the time actual meant nothing to him)

The boy sat looking at his hands and fidgeting next to me.

Me: So do you dance?
Boy: Yes! (his eyes lit up) I do ballet, jazz, and hip hop!
Me: That's cool, what's your favorite?
Boy: Ballet
Me: How long have you been dancing?
Boy: What month is it? (doesn't give me time to answer and instead begins counting on his fingers)
Boy: 7 (I have no idea if that is weeks, days, months, years, or the age he began)
Boy: I don't live here you know
Me; Oh? Where are you from
Boy: Oregon.  I come here every summer to visit my dad, but I only see him on weekends.  The rest of the time I'm with my cousins.  Dylan's a bully.  He started punching me for no reason.  I miss Oregon.  We have rain there!  And we get do do neat things.
Me; What kind of neat things?
Boy: Like play in sheds.
Me: That sounds cool.
Boy: Yeah!  I miss it there.  I have lots of pets.
Me: How old are you?
Boy: I'm 8 and I turn on 9 on December 19th.
Me: My daughter is 9, that's who I'm waiting for. Who are you waiting for
Boy: Dylan, he's the bully.
Me; What makes him a bully?
Boy: He just gets mad and mean all the time
Me; I'm sorry. Is there anything you like in California?
Boy: My dad. I like when I see him on weekends.  He's fun.  He takes me to the movies.
Me: What's your name?
Boy: Nico.  My friends call me Nico.  My real name is Nicodemus.
Me; That's a really cool name.
Nico: I think it sounds like a fish.

An older man who was sitting at the bottom of the stairs the whole time playing Pokemon Go stood up and walked passed us.

Nico: Oh, I gotta go.
Me: Nice to meet you Nico
Nico: That's my grandpa.

I had no idea the man at the bottom of the stairs who never once looked up at us was actually there WITH Nico.  And for some reason I was just sad for this young boy named Nico.  He spends summer away from his mom, in a place he hates, with family that is mean to him, and during our 30 minute chat I could tell he just craved attention.  Obviously this is just a summary of the conversation (which involved all his pets names, stories about Oregon flooding, how CA beaches don't get waves, and how he knows his dog can open doors because while he slept his tablet magically fell and cracked so it must be the dog).

I know this is random story, but this little boy has been on my mind since I left so I figured I'd share the story of the time I met a boy named Nico.

1 of 11

See what I did there?? I covered my mistake(s) in the countdown by starting to count up! I'm a genius! A genius who can't count or look at a calendar.

I will not being doing count UP lists.  That seems a bit much. I'm sure a count down was a bit much, but you are still reading so it was probably worth it.

So today's "fact"? Today's story? Actually, it isn't for you! It's for my husband, but you are welcome to read it because I love him and you should all know it.

Hey Fat Face,

I had my dream man all pictured by the time I was 16.  I was very wise at 16 and had a great list of dos & donts, of haves & have nots, and of wills and will nots.  Important things like he would have blonde hair, blue eyes, and NO chest hair (I would have added back hair, but I didn't know that was a thing).  Then there was you.  This funny guy that stood next to me in choir.  The guy who would elbow me to make me laugh when trying to hold a note.  The guy I accidentally felt up trying to be funny like him and "tap his leg" when trying to hold a note. 

The first day I saw you upset because of girl (a friend of mine no less) and we spent the ENTIRE bus ride to LA talking and becoming friends.  I didn't realize then that my brain was forming a new "man of dreams".  Maybe it was all flirting, but your compassion and heart during that time were amazing to me.  You went out of your way for me and you barely knew me.  You made me laugh - the kind of laughing that made my cheeks and belly sore.  It didn't hurt that you had the cutest dimples that accompanied your mischievous smile.

Eventually I realized that I wanted to be more than a friend (it took me awhile).  But once I realized it, I was certain you were "it" for me.  In 10 years we've made a LOT of mistakes - we do not fight well.  However, in 10 years we've learned from almost all of those mistakes.  We've grown.  Our relationship has morphed into something awesome.  Somebody even asked us to give marriage advice because we had a "good marriage", how did that happen??

You put up with my stubbornness and need to control everything.  You calm me down when I stress over absolutely nothing.  You never have to say it, and you may not even realize you are doing it, but you constantly help me to step back and remember that the only peace and joy in this world comes from God.  I am the wife, mother, and child of God I am today because of your awesome leadership and compassion.  I know I am NOT an easy woman to "lead", so thank you.

I know this year has sucked for you in a lot of ways.  I hope I show/tell you enough that all the sucky stuff that could leave you feeling defeated don't define you.  I know that's tacky, but I said it so deal with it.  I also meant it.  You are awesome.  I love you.  I wouldn't want to go through life with anyone else (for realsies - you know I couldn't remarry so don't die).

Rachael

PS You may not have made me cry on our wedding day - but writing this blog totally made me cry.  I am so stupid blessed to have you even if sometimes I want to throw a shoe at your face.

2 to 10

Let's keep it real.  I thought of doing this countdown when I thought I was a day behind and I though...my actual anniversary can be day "1" right?  Sure it can! I'm making this up as I go.  The problem is I've been calling it 6 to 10...4 to 10.. so on our anniversary (a mere hour away) it would be 1 to 10 an that makes no sense.  But it's 11.  I'm tired.  Justin's grumpy. And the kids are STILL up talking.  So I'll think of some way to make it all seem like it was planned correctly tomorrow.  So the list of 2 (is that still a list?)

The most memorable moment from our wedding day:

1. Justin: Leading up to our wedding I knew I wanted to sing a song to Raych (probably because I apparently like music and stuff), and I knew it would be a Tyrone Wells song because we both think he's awesome plus he has a lot of great songs that would fit. So I went back and forth (not for too long though) and ended up picking "looking at her face" cause it fit, it was a beautiful song... it was just perfect. So I got it all ready and had this cool plan to surprise her before our first dance and it all went to great. She was brought to the middle of the dance floor and sat in a chair, confused out of her mind, and I started playing just as I entered the room (I think David Hart got my guitar ready for me). I think my voice only cracked once and my cheeks started hurting cause I was smiling so much. I'd never really had a "song" with anyone before but that is now it. However, with all that said, the one thing I will never forget about this moment is how every other women, every single female in the room, started crying EXCEPT Raych. Apparently everyone else was more excited.
2. Rachael: There are actually many, but the first one is oddly related to Sam (who was the best man).  Because like a normal person...as we were doing our vows I may have stopped listening to the pastor at some point.  And while staring into nothingness I caught a glimpse of Sam and naturally winked at him all flirty like.  I was NOT flirting, it just happened.  So there you have it.  I flirted with best man OVER my soon-to-be husband's shoulder during the pastor's speechy thingy.  And then there was that awkward moment that when our first dance was supposed to start Justin put a chair in the middle of the room and made me sit on it...then he came out with a guitar and sang me an amazing song then we finished by dancing to that song.  It was awesome, although he was disappointed he didn't make me cry.

2008

2007

4 and 3 to 10

So this one time I thought it was the 13th, but it was actually the 14th which meant this totally awesome countdown was a day off.  I don't know what kind of loser makes that mistake.  But let's all feel bad for her and say, you know...you're life's crazy...we get it... Group Hug!

And because lists are awesome she didn't want to skip a day so you get 2 for the price of one...well more like 7 for the price of 1...or something like that.  So here you go:

4 to 10: The four best dates ever

1. The night we first hung out - the story deserves it's own blog...and it has one! Read it - you'll love it especially if you love sappy little stories.
2. The time he surprised me at work (as mentioned in an early list this week).  He took me to the beach (because unlike him I find the beach awesome) and we had dinner at a beach view restaurant. Actually the picture below from 2009 was from that date.
3. That time we saw Wicked.  It was amazing and probably the best musical I've seen.  I want to see it again 10 times and them make a blog counting down the 10 days until I see it for my 10th time.
4. When he surprised me and took me to see Newsies.  Sadly the play was just OK.  It was good, but the changed some things that didn't' need to be changed.  The best part of that night was actually on our way out we saw Taylor Williamson chilling in the back and we talked to him, and took a picture, and he made a video for our kids.  AWESOME

3 to 10: The 3 worst dates ever

1. For my 21st birthday he took me to Macaroni Grill. They usually have some opera singer or something sing to you, but she/he was not there that night.  Then as soon as we got to the car I puked in the bushes... this was pre-marriage (and he still married me!)  I am likely one of the few people that can say "I puked my brains out on my 21st birthday...and I didn't have a single drink of alcohol to make this occur"
2. Actually...also the night we first hung out...AFTER the cute hang out thing he decided 2 AM was good time to take me to his mom's house, wake her up, and introduce us.  Thank the Lord she doesn't recall this first meeting.
3. The time we thought it was a good idea to see a movie called "40 Year Old Virgin"...like we neglected any rational thought on that one.  Why would it be a descent "clean" movie.  That was a bad life choice (although funny)

2010

2009