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Monday, February 2, 2015

Sister Surrogate

I’m now an “experienced” surrogate.  That feels odd to me.  I still feel like I’m slightly stumbling my way through all of this.  Maybe I should have paid more attention the first time.  It is hard to focus on all the random…seemingly mundane things that are involved in the surrogacy process when all you are really looking at is the excitement of what is to come.
Sign this form, fax this here, call this person VS soon I might be pregnant, soon I’ll find out if I’m having 1 or 2 babies, soon I’ll be giving this baby back to it’s mommy and daddy.
The 2nd half is FAR more exciting.
I remember enough to feel comfortable with the terms and a general idea of what is coming.  But I also know enough to worry more about things that I didn’t even think about before (since I didn’t know it was a thing).
 Like the fact the injections gave me SEVERE nausea…I lost SO MUCH weight that first trimester.
What if there are placenta problems again? That was painful.
All that said, I learned a new term this time around.  Sister Surrogate.
I almost had a Sister Surrogate the first time I did this (without knowing it – or what that term was).  This time around I found out after agreeing to work with these new IP (Intended Parents) that I would have a Sister Surrogate.
And my “Sister” is an experienced Sister Surrogate.
So what is it?  The IP have selected 2 surrogates to carry their babies at the same time.  They are hoping for 4 babies…all…at…once (I told you in my last blog they wanted a lot of kids).  HOLY MOLY!
I think this is the part that makes this surrogacy feel slightly uncomfortable.  What if they like her more? What if she emails them more?  What if she sends them more pictures?
I think women (as a generalization) are uncomfortable (let’s be honest, HATE) being compared to other women.  We do it to ourselves constantly and assume others are doing it too.  I feel like this is a forced comparison situation.  How could you not have 2 of something and not compare them?!  I have to apples, one tastes better.  I have 2 shoes, one definitely feels better on my left foot.  I have 2 sisters (I don’t, but if I did) there is probably 1 I like better.
I KNOW it’ll probably come down to a situation that is more like how you feel about your children.  I love them all tremendously, but in different ways.  Some days I like some of them more than others.  Other days the one I liked yesterday is not the one I like today.  So if that situation is OK it should be ok with my Sister Surrogate too.  BUT that doesn’t help the fact that it still feels a little uncomfortable.  I think it would be just as uncomfortable if I was the 2nd surrogate for a family that had a surrogate before.
This doesn’t make me feel any less excited for the end goal – providing a healthy – super adorable – baby (or babies) to a family that wants them so badly.  That is awesome.  That is why we do this.  That is why we go through all the sickness, pain, and discomfort that next year will bring.  I wouldn’t be so bold to say that God has called me to surrogacy, that doesn’t seem right.  But I am so bold to say that doing this gives me a way to show them God’s love.  That the reason I am willing to do all of this to myself is because God has commanded me to love others and this is a way I can do that. This is a way for me to minister and serve a family who needs to see God’s love.  THIS IS NOT THE WAY EVERYONE SHOULD DO THAT!  I just want to make that clear.  Just like donating $1,000,000,000 to charity is not the way everyone should do it.  Or just like fostering 5 kids isn’t for everyone.
So let’s begin my prayer requests:
  • That the next few weeks as we deal with “Paperwork” goes smoothly and I it will not be a struggle to get everything in the contract I want to ensure this baby (or babies) will be protected
  • That the baby (babies) will be healthy from day 1 (or day 6-ish technically since they are already about 6 days old)
  • That every time I interact with my IP they see Jesus in me


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