Family Life (82) Surrogacy (66) Rachael (44) So Sayith... (23) Justin (17) Jordan (16) Taylor (14) Elijah (7) Nerdness (3) Adoption (2)

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Events of the Night

It all started with a phone call to Sam on Monday around 3 (per the request of Luann). He mentioned that my husband was helping him paint the youth room at 2 on Tuesday. Justin had mentioned something to me a few days prior, but nothing was confirmed… so I called Justin to find out what was going to happen.

Tuesday my grandmother took Taylor in the morning and my mom watched Jordan when Justin left for Sam’s around 2 PM.

I picked up Taylor at 4:15 and was home for Taylor around 4:30.

I called Justin around 6:00 to find his phone was dead, so I called Sam’s phone. Justin just wanted to make sure the girls were being good and just check to see if I needed him home. I told him he could stay as long as he needed (he doesn’t get to get out of the house very often).

I put Jordan to bed at 8:00 she was out of bed at 8:10, 8:30, 8:40, and then asleep by 9:00. I nearly was too. I put on the Sword and the Stone for Taylor and we started to watch it. At some point the movie finished and she pressed play again because I woke up at 10:44 and it was back to the first 15 minutes or so of the movie.

I turned it off and told Taylor she could sleep in my bed with me. She was very excited and said “I have to go potty first so I don’t pee in your bed!” I love that kid!

Jordan got out of bed around 2:15 AM. Justin was not home, but from past experiences he had probably just left Sam’s or was almost home. I put Jordan back in bed and fell back asleep.

5:02 AM Jordan is back at the side of my bed. I’m exhausted from waking up a few times, having an early day at work the day before AND Braxton Hicks. I put her back in bed and then realize what time it is. I have never woken up so fast in my life!

In my bed is Taylor and Me… no Justin. I call Sam’s phone 7 times between that time and around 5:30. I woke up both of my parents trying to figure out what to do. I wrote to Roxy (Sam’s Mom) on facebook to see if he had fallen asleep on their couch or something, but she didn’t answer. The stress/crying/freaking out was making me feel really nauseous so I jumped in the shower at 5:30 to try and relax myself. Shortly before leaving the shower I heard the bathroom door open! He was HOME!!! I’ve never been so angry and happy at the same time ever!

His version… He was painting with Sam until 3:30 AM. He went to his Dad’s to drop some stuff off and grabbed a soda to take with him. Since his Dad left the TV he was going to turn it off, but it was Princess Bride so he figured he’d sit for a “few minutes” while he drank his soda. When the movie ENDED he realized what time it was and headed home. Not once did he call because he thought waking me up was worse then giving me a heart attack. ::sigh::

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

My Secret Obsession - Now Not So Secret

I don’t know what it is, but I am assuming it’s the thought of knowing this is our LAST baby. I’m not talking about the excitement of never having to be pregnant again, or never having to endure childbirth again (both perks, but worth repeating). I’m talking about the excitement and joy of knowing my family is soon to be complete! I no longer will have to plan thinking “this is only temporary since there will be another baby/kid to add to the mix”.

For example, the kids room. I had no theme or color scheme really. Some bright bold colors for the girls, and they did have matching blankets (made by Grandma Shirley), but nothing “special”. I never went all out to get matching curtains and laundry baskets. I never even had matching furniture! I didn’t want to spend a ton of money on these things only to have another child added to the room and have things not match.

This being said I have a slight obsession with “making it right” this time. NOT because it’s our first and only boy which some think to be the cause, but because this is it! I can plan and decorate and know that it won’t change (Lord willing! ::says prayer::) It took me forever to find a cute matching set of bed linens (See Picture of bedding in "Just an Update" from Feb. 2010). My dad also built the girls a bed so I could get “matching” furniture without having to find a bunch of pieces that were different styles to fit in one room. I’m just so excited now to see it all together! My mom says I’m “nesting”, but I really don’t think that’s it. I don’t feel like I need to clean or get organized. I just want it to be done. Not that “nesting” feeling, but the sense of accomplishment. The idea of knowing their room will be complete and nice for ALL of them. Something to feel proud of.

I know it’s lame to get embarrassed by how the kids room looks, but I am! It embarrasses me to show people their room (not for the toys on the floor, which just comes from having kids) but the mismatched furniture and bedding. I feel like it screams “these are all cheap things or hand-me-downs”. It makes me feel like I can’t provide for my kids. I know its lame, but still how I feel.

I want it to be done so when people come to visit pre-Elijah’s birth they can see that we CAN provide and take care of them. This is also probably linked to the fact that we can’t afford to live on our own and live in garage turned apartment at my parent’s house. I feel like people look down on us for that. I think the kids room is my attempt to show we can do it! Even if we can’t afford our own place yet, we can still care for our children and provide for their needs.

Is that crazy? I know the feelings are all superficial, but I just don’t want to be judged anymore for our circumstance and I just hope this helps.

So I will continue to obsess and get excited for all the things on my registry I can’t wait to be gifted to me OR buy myself after the showers are over!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

One More Yawn... And Then It's Done?

I’m just getting tired. Tired of a lot of things. I am tired of…

…feeling like I’m about to pee my pants only to run to the bathroom to just “tinkle”
…of being sleeping
…of being hungry
…being poked by doctors (more so the people that draw my blood)
…being told I’m “anemic”
…being told I don’t weigh enough
…being told what I can/can’t eat
…not being able to hold both my girls without feeling uncomfortable (belly in the way)
…not fitting in regular clothes OR maternity clothes
…random cravings with no money to tend to them (fast food runs add up!)
…having a sore back/feet/belly
…being overemotional (Justin whispers “Amen”)
…wanting so much for the new baby and the girls without the means to provide
…my bangs falling in my face
…pee on the couch (not mine)
…kids whining
…working and wishing I was home
…being at home and wishing I was working
…seeing the names on my baby shower guest list start to disappear (I just wanted to see everyone)
…feeling “naggy”
…seeing how much more expensive “healthy” food is vs. the other stuff ($50/wk in groceries vs $125!)
…seeing Justin frustrated/stressed over school, kids, and not having a job
…ovary/bladder soccer
…actually needing things for this baby (almost everything for the girls was donated to me) but seeing my registry with no purchased items
…the anticipation of seeing that the baby is ok (or not)
…getting sad by the amount of "followers" I have (I know that's lame)
…wanting to say/do things and then forgetting

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Our First Ministry

Justin and I have been married for 4 years (in July) and we have both done our own separate service in ministries at church, but never served together.

Tonight is our first night! We will working with the High School group at our church! Well… we have to go “observe” for a month and then pass an application process, but after that we will be youth leaders!

This got me to thinking of all the wonderful leaders I had and all the special memories we made! I hope I can find a good balance between being approachable and fun, but not let them get away with things. I know I need to help guide them, but they won’t listen to my guidance unless they respect me. I’m nervous that I will not be able to find that “perfect” balance though. I just really hope I can!

I need to get some ideas from some of my old leaders haha :)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

To Take The Pain

One of the worst things to deal with as a parent (in my opinion) is a sick/hurt young child. They don’t understand what’s going on and you can’t explain it to them.

Jordan has a horrible rash right now and it’s so hard to hold her down while you try to clean her up. She doesn’t understand why she’s in such pain and that we MUST get all the crap (literally) off of her in order to make it any better. When they look at you in desperation it breaks my heart. It’s the look of “Why are you doing this to me mommy?!” I HATE IT! And because she’s so young half the time I can’t even give hear anything for the pain or illness. I’m sorry you have a bad cold… they don’t make cough syrup or throat sprays for your age.

She shook with pain last night while we (this was a 2 person job) tried to clean her up. We even tried putting her in water so we didn’t have to “wipe”, but that seemed to hurt her just as much. Finally we got her clean and I drenched her little toosh in powder. I mean I didn’t dare try to rub ointment on her at this point. I just held her as she sobbed and tried to catch her breath and my heart broke. This is the worst part about being a mom. Even Taylor was crying because she was scared about the whole situation. Justin had to sit with her to try to calm her down. I just kept hearing Taylor say “Daddy/Mommy gave Jordan an owey (spell check)” She didn’t quite understand either and was just so upset to hear her baby sister scream in pain.

I’m glad that night is over. I just hope Justin has an easier day with them today.

Monday, March 15, 2010

What's for Dinner

I have the hardest time when it comes to dinner. This pregnancy has made me dislike anything made by my hand… well anything cooked. I can make myself a sandwich or a frozen burrito and be just fine.

So every night I come home and think what will I make for dinner? I take the whole time on the drive home thinking about what “sounds good”. Once I have it figured it I get home and start the meal.

As I start I think, “Wow! I’m hungry and this looks so good!”

About half way through I think, “Maybe I’ll just eat a little, and make a sandwich later”

When I’m done I plate up 2 kids plates and Justin’s and sit at the table with them. Justin asks why I’m not eating and usually by this time my answer is, “I’m just not hungry” or “I just don’t feel like eating that”. Both statements true on different occasions.

However, then I smell or see something my mom or sister are making and get hungry all over again! I can eat a LOT of whatever they made… I just can’t eat what I make! What’s wrong with me?

This got me thinking of all the random things that this last pregnancy has put me through that I’ll never have to deal with again. So in order to not forget them I figured I’d list them : )

-I can’t stand my face being touched at all. This includes late night kisses. I can handle the small quick pecks, but anything more just freaks me out.
-The smell of a dirty diaper makes me gag. I can’t do it at all! Poor Justin.
-Gagging while brushing my teeth, won’t miss that at all
-Every time I get out of the shower I gag… I have NO idea why!
-I really want sugary things, but then I get them I take a bite and wish I hadn’t eaten it at all. Pretty much all sweet sugary candy or baked goods does not appeal to me once in my mouth
-Garlic anything is always good…mmmmm, but probably not garlic ice-cream
-I get cravings for Crunch Rolls a lot, maybe its just the wasabi that makes me drool though
-I stutter, weird!
-I forget things I said or did or heard like 2 minutes ago.

I think that’s everything. Or at least I think that’s all.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Not to Sleep

These are all actually excuses, lines, or just stories Taylor has used to get out of bed…

#1 I need a Drink (or a different one then what she has)
#2 I need to go potty (for the 5th time in 30 minutes)
#3 The Music is scratchy (The CD skipped)
#4 Jordan is sleeping upside-down
#5 I can’t find ______ (fill in the blank with something useless)
#6 I have pee pee in my diaper (AFTER her 5 “trips” to the potty that mad her get out bed earlier)
#7 ::open door:: mumble mumble mumble ::close door:: (we don’t know what she said, but it sounded important before she closed the door and went back to bed)
#8 I’m sick, I need medicine ::insert fake cough::
#9 Jordan is crying (we ask why is she crying) because I was in her bed and waked her up
#10 I need a kiss (by far my favorite)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Highs and the Lows

The Highs and the Lows

Blood Sugar 142… supposed to be 138 or less… means I’m “diabetic”
Hemoglobin 8.9… supposed to be 12… means I’m “anemic”

This is what news the doctor gave me yesterday over the phone. Hi, you failed your 1 hour Glucose test and your anemic (for those of you that know me… DUH!). AND apparently my doctor has no idea how to deal/treat thalassemia so now I have to see a specialist for no reason. What this all means:

1. I have to retake the glucose test. This time for 3 hours, getting blood drawn 4 times. If I fail there are a number of possible complications such as (not limited to)
a. A FAT baby… that’s gonna hurt
b. A C-Section
c. High chances the baby will develop diabetes in his lifetime
d. A weird diet (which I’m already on for the anemia/thalassemia)
e. Possible finger pricks several times a day and insulin shots
2. I have to see a hemoglobin specialists for my anemia/thalassemia. This means more time off work and a possible blood transfusion to “fix” the problem that is unfixable. THIS means more time off work for blood tests and what not. ::sigh::

I am un-excited. Please pray that all my next tests are in the clear, but more importantly that the baby is safe and healthy :( I’m scared something will be wrong with him since I’ve had so many complications during this pregnancy.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Doctor Who? (Inspired by Rachel K)

I recently read a friends post about her frustration finding a good OB. It reminded me of my rollercoaster of doctors over the past three years and I felt the need to share.

Doctor #1 - When I first found out I was pregnant with Taylor I had my primary doctor, the one I’d had for 20 years (give or take)! He didn’t do OB anymore and referred me to another doctor in his office.

Doctor #2 – This guy seemed ok, he was nice and what I thought was thorough. I had my first trimester blood work done and he sat me down one visit to explain to me I had a blood type that could harm the baby. He went on to explain what “could” happen. Pretty much that my body would think the baby is a virus and attack it. GREAT!! I was devastated! After a few more visits with him I began to dislike him. He didn’t seem to really know what he was talking about. So I asked for another referral.

Doctor #3 – This time a Russian lady I could barely understand in the same office. She was short and abrupt. Not very “personable”, but at this point I just didn’t care. I asked her more about my blood problem and she looked at me confused and said my blood type was fine. What a frustrating relief that was! She delivered my first baby AND even yelled at the nurse in the delivery room for not “prepping” me as she had asked which resulted in an undesired/unnecessary episiotomy. So although not very “sociable” she was good. She also did my OB for Jordan, but was on vacation when I delivered. That’s a whole other story in itself (involving 4 women all “pushing” at the same time and be being told to ‘hold it’ until they could find a doctor).

Doctor #4 – The joys of Blue Cross HMO. They stopped paying their bills so my doctor/hospital ended their contract. I couldn’t see my doctor of 20 years OR my OB. I just picked a name off the list of doctors and went. (not for OB yet). He was horrible. The office was dirty and I just felt uncomfortable the entire time!

Doctor #5 – Picked yet another name off the list. I walked into the office and saw pictures with bible versus on them and the office was even called Grace Medical Group. I LOVE this doctor! She is an amazing, sweet, Christian lady. However, although she does OB, my insurance will only let her be my primary care physician, so she had to refer me… again.

Doctor #6 – She is SO fake! Here is how one of first conversations went…

Doctor – So tell me how the pregnancy is going
Me – Well it’s been a little rough…
Doctor – Good! Everything will be great
Me – umm….
Doctor – Do you have any concerns?
Me – Actually, can you tell me about…
Doctor – Good! Everything sounds fine, do you want to see the baby today?
Me – ok
Doctor – The baby is so cute ::THEN she turns on the ultrasound machine::
Me – ok
Doctor – you have adorable children (note she has not seen a single picture of my kids)
Me – ok
Doctor – See you in a month!

I hate her, but I’ve had worse so I’m just dealing with it. It’s my last kid so I don’t have too many questions and after Jordan’s delivery I don’t really care WHO catches the baby as long as somebody is actually there.

Monday, March 8, 2010

How to Un-Break a CD

It amazes me how kids “know” you can fix anything. Nothing is really broke in their world, just temporarily out of service.

Taylor wanted to play a computer game my dad brought home for her, but it was so scratched the computer couldn’t read it. I told her it was too scratched so she could pick another game… here is her reply:

Taylor - It’s ok mommy, you can fix it if you want
Me – No, I can’t fix this one its too scratchy
Taylor – You can wipe it on your shirt

Problem solved I guess… We just played another game :)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Bribery – It works!

I need to start off by saying I taught a classroom of 20-24 2-year-olds and did a LOT of potty training… but nothing compares to trying to get your own kid to do it! Here is the bath we took…

Potty Training Solution #1 (Age 2y) – We started taking Taylor to the bathroom just several times a day to get her adjusted to sitting there. 90% of the time she cried and yelled. Since we didn’t want to make it a negative experience we gave up for awhile and figured we could start up again soon.

Potty Training Solution #2 (Age 2y 6m) – We started the routine again when we realized she was actually willing to sit on the “adult” toilet instead of the “potty”. However, this too only lasted a couple of weeks before the screaming and crying started.

Potty Training Solution #3 (Age 2y 8m) – Started with candies every time she TRIED (jelly beans, M&M’s etc). She’d sit for a minute and get up. We’d put her diaper on her and she’d tell us 2 minutes later she peed ::sigh::

Potty Training Solution #4 (Age 2y 10m) – The “just pee on yourself” technique. We’d let her run around in just a dress or something… that didn’t work. She had no shame. In fact, on one occasion she came up to us and said “I poopoo in the grass” ::even bigger sigh::

Potty Training Solution #5 (Age 3y) – The sticker chart approach/reward approach. By this time Taylor was not peeing IN the bath so we’d keep her in there extra long in the evening until she’d tell us she had to go. So she was going at least once a day. A row of 10 boxes: 5 boxes meant she got a “big” candy (or the fun sized bars as apposed to her usually single M&M) and 10 boxes meant she’d get to play a board game with us (new obsession with CandyLand). We also bought those SUPER padded undies for her… this increased her average successful potty going to about 2-3 times a day, but still accident 2-3 times a day.

Potty Training Solution #6 (Age 3y – 1m) – Pure Bribery! We bought her this little Sesame Street computer game and every time she goes potty she get’s to play for 10-15 minutes. It is a number/letter/shape/color game so I don’t feel that bad about letting her play so much, only a little. Since we brought it home she has gone potty 1-3 times every 2 hours AND only one “accident” last night, but we did put her in a diaper before bed so she didn’t really pee on anything… I think we found our trick with her!

Hopefully this will all be done before the baby is born in June!