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Friday, August 14, 2015

The 2 Month Update

Let’s pretend it has not been 2 months since my last update.  Let’s pretend I remember what has happened in the last 2 months and you all know all about it.  

I would like to say I’ll get better at this, but life is busy.  Busy like last night was 1 of 3 nights in the last 2 weeks I’ve actually had a conversation with my husband.  Hi Babe, I’m glad we are still friends.

There have been long work days….long work weeks.  Youth Events.  Church Events.  Birthday Parties. Back to School Planning/Shopping.

I’d like to say things are slowing down, but they’re not.  Instead I’ll provide you with a mini update and prayer requests for this crazy season:

The Kids:
My children are adorable.  They are “ready” for school which included tutoring for new Kindergartner over the summer since he refused to learn any letters/numbers.  This has been fixed.  Supplies are bought and packed.  I still have some clothes shopping to do, but I’m putting that off as long as possible since it sounds exhausting.  We’ve had 3 lost teeth in the last couple of months and a lack of major illness or injury (WOO)!

The Husband:
Summer is CRAZY for this man.  He has 1 youth event a week PLUS week long events (4 of them).  We are also getting ready to finally split our Jr. High and High School kids starting with this school year in just a couple of week!  AND (although we’ve been talking about it for a year or so) he is going back to school to finish his BA.  Hopefully starting this Fall (we totally decided this with 3 weeks until the semester started).  He should be done in 18 months though, so that isn’t too bad.

The Me:
Work has been interesting.  There have been long days…very long days.  At least I love what I’m doing so it isn’t too bad.  I’ve changed departments…sort of.  It’s all rather confusing really. My house is a disaster since I can’t keep up with it and we are likely having somebody come live with us for a while which adds to the stress of my horribly messy house that I have to embarrassingly let someone walk around in.  My back is KILLING me and I have heartburn from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep.  I’m slightly less tired than before…slightly.

The Babies:
I know this is the part 90% of you care about most.  The babies are nearly 24 weeks.  They are growing at the correct rate.  Their hearts are strong and healthy.  Baby A moves all day and Baby B seems to only move when Baby A kicks her (she kicks back).  The blood issue (subchorionic hematoma) is gone – I think…didn’t see it on my last ultrasound.  However, Baby B has been diagnosed with multicystic dysplastic kidney.  Her left kidney is full of cysts.  It came out of nowhere.  The first ultrasound looking at the kidneys showed both kidneys looked good/normal.  Fast Forward 1 month and it’s full of cysts.  Feel free to google it.  In the end, she is “healthy”.  She will lose a kidney (either before she is born it will be absorbed by her body OR she will have it removed post-delivery), but the right kidney is doing its job.  She is growing at the same rate as her sister and she should live a normal life with 1 kidney.  We’ll see the progress in a few weeks.

Prayer Requests:
·         Baby B is completely healed before she is born.  This is not “possible” so it would be purely God’s healing if it happens.

·         Peace for the IP (Intended Parents).  I can’t imagine having to process this kind of information about a baby you have been wanting/waiting for.  

·         Justin gets into CBU and can start classes on time.  If you’d like to throw in the miracle of him actually getting financial aid that’d be awesome since we are paying for everything out of pocket (NO LOANS!)

·         Me and work.  So many things to go with that.  Just keep it generic and God will know the unique needs.

·         As always – that the IP can see the love of Christ through my family.  I so deeply desire for them to “feel” him the way I do.  

Peace out homies.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Nobody Really Likes Prunes (true story)

I’ll say I don’t like prunes because I assume that is true.  I have never actually eaten them and have no desire to change that. So I’ll just say I don’t like them.

I am 10 weeks and 3 days along in this pregnancy carrying 2 prune sized girls.  Seeing their big heads and stubby arms and legs wiggling in an ultrasound today I sat baffled.  I mean, I’ve seen this before.  I just truly don’t understand how that living, growing, squirming child is “less than human” to anyone.  If you are one of them I am telling you, I DON’T GET YOU.  That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, I just don’t get it.  Then the doctor switches to the heartbeat and the fast flutter of those heartbeats causes pulses on the monitor and then there is that sound.  THAT SOUND you just never understand until you hear it.

And then there is that moment that is SO unique to surrogacy and SO exciting.  

Pure joy and excitement for the Mommy and Daddy to be.  I lay there almost giddy.  Look at those little girls squirm.  Listen to those hearts race.  Those are THEIR BABIES!  All I want to do is call them and let them see and hear that ultrasound screen. They are going to get to hold those precious girls in their arms in just a few months.   I can’t wait for that moment.  

That moment when you get to feel the relief of “It was worth it”.

It was worth the 1-4 injects a day for 4 months causing a bruised rump.

It was worth the constant nausea for 4 weeks (and counting – yes that means it is not gone yet)

It was worth the exhaustion as those growing girls suck out all of my life juices.

It was worth the heartburn, back aches, headaches, contractions, and whatever else is to come.

And then the doctor finishes the ultrasound and life returns to normal.  I’m back to work on the verge of puking or falling asleep while standing at any given moment.  

BUT I didn’t leave without hearing some of the most glorious words every come out of the doctor’s mount first:

“You are now done with injections.”

PRAISE THE LORD! ::happy dance::
4 months of needles/syringes


·         That with the medication ending my nausea goes with it

·         That I get some energy back so I can feel like a normal human being

·         That these girls continue to grow HEALTHY with no problems

·         That my family can be an example of Christ to my IP (intended parents) and their family


Click here for my Surrogacy FAQ. As always PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact Justin or I if you have questions or concerns. We are open and willing to share everything

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

I Am Rather Fond of Olives

Yes I know I haven’t updated you.  And I realize that for most of you that means you do not know the quantity of children currently residing my gut.  

Before I answer the questions, which is why I know you are reading, I am going to make you suffer through the explanation of WHY I’m making you wait.

Because I’m sick, busy, and tired.

Sorry that took so long to explain.  I’m surprised you are even still reading.  I could explain that by sick I mean nauseous almost all the time except when the medication I’m taking decides to kick in giving me a few hours of relief throughout my day.  I could tell you work has been insanely busy and I am working through every extra moment I have so no blog time.  I could tell you that I’m exhausted because I’m not eating nearly enough (ie nausea) AND the medication I’m on causes severe drowsiness AND I’m so busy I’m not resting.

But I won’t tell you all of that now.

I’ll instead tell you that a week ago as I watched the ultrasound move across the screen I saw Baby A with her strong heartbeat (as of today she is 1.8CM big and heartrate of 164 bpm).

I then saw, what last week was an empty sac, a small little being and her fluttering heart.  Baby B is not far behind her sister at 1.7CM and a heartrate of 159 bpm.

So there it is.  Two babies.  Two olive sized girls squirming and growing.


Monday, April 13, 2015

A Long Weekend

Insight into my weekend – don’t read this if you don’t want to hear of many bodily functions and gross things.  You’ve been warned.

Friday started out great.  I had an ultrasound showing two babies at the right stage and development.  I had Tri Tip Man for lunch.  And then I was headed to church to lead worship with my hubby (one of my favorite things to do).

We got through practice and my nausea started to kick in.  I went the bathroom to puke and pee.  After finishing I noticed some blood.  I’ve had light bleeding and heavy bleeding before during a pregnancy and I KNEW it could be nothing…but it could also be something.  I sat a moment longer and noticed the bleeding increase and also started minor cramps.  I convinced myself it was likely nothing and headed back to stage to start the worship set with Justin.

Half way through the 2nd song the cramping got worse.  I felt the bleeding also get worse.  I began to feel light headed and panicked.  As soon as that song was over I headed off stage and back to the bathroom. As I sat there I prayed for those babies – whatever was happening in that moment with my body and those babies.  I prayed that God’s will be fulfilled even if the outcome was not what I was hoping for.  Then I saw a small pea sized blood clot and thought… I’ve had clotting problems before.  Maybe the bleeding is because of this clot.  Or maybe that clot is the baby.

I don’t cry that often or easily, but I sort of lost it in that moment.  Sitting at church on the toilet silently crying in the stall.

I lay down until the service was over to tell Justin what was going on and then headed home and just slept.
When I woke up on Saturday the bleeding had turned to very light spotting and the cramping as gone.  The nausea was not at all gone.  Between Friday afternoon and today I’ve had a total of 1 slice of pizza, a handful of crackers, and a small burger.  All of which were difficult to even make myself swallow or keep down once I managed that.

I heard back from Dr. L’s office this morning and they asked me to come in for an ultrasound a few days earlier than scheduled.

In the ultrasound Baby A’s heartbeat was instantly seen.  She was alive and well.  Dr. L had a little bit of a harder time finding Baby B.  He did find Baby B’s sac, but that was all.  He said that it could just be too early to tell since I am only 6 weeks 1 day.  He said Baby B could still be there and growing, he just can’t see it right now.  So for now to still call it twins with another ultrasound next week to confirm.

For the sake of my IP (intended parents) I’m hoping and praying both babies are growing – strong and healthy.  But my gut is telling me what I experienced on Friday was not “normal”.  Which also makes me feel horrible.  

What if it’s my body that handle twins?  I say it’s ok to transfer to 2 embryos and then lose 1 at about 5 weeks both times?  Is that coincidence or my body saying I’m crazy for thinking I could handle twins.  If it’s my body then that means it’s my fault that one of those babies didn’t survive and THAT SUCKS.  It’s like setting one of them up to fail before we even start.  Today, that is the weight I’m feeling.

The loss of a baby’s life is always hard.  The thought that the loss of that life is my fault has a whole new kind of weight attached.

I am grateful and thrilled that 1 baby is doing well, but I will also be preparing to mourn the loss of the other.  We won’t know “for sure” until next Tuesday, but I just have a feeling…


  • My new nausea medication kicks in fast so I can eat
  • That both babies are actually there and growing and we just couldn’t see it
  • Comfort for my IP as they await the next ultrasound
  • That my family can be an example of Christ to my IP and their family.

Click here for my Surrogacy FAQ. As always PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact Justin or I if you have questions or concerns. We are open and willing to share everything