Thursday, April 29, 2010
I have 1.5 days of work left until my maternity leave officially begins and I am both excited and anxious for what that means.
The initial thoughts of “relaxing” and “sleeping in” which sound so appealing are just wishful thinking for me. With a 3 year old and 1 ½ year old running around (not to mention some intense potty training efforts to come) I don’t see myself relaxing much. I guess I could consider myself sleeping in because instead of being up at 6:30 AM I get to sleep until 7:30 AM before Jordan comes to the side of my bed with a finger in my eye or her stuffed pushed to my face.
I don’t get the luxury of lying back with my feet up and watching TV or reading. However, the more I think about how much I really have to do while I’m on maternity leave I do feel a sense of relief.
There is such anxiety about waking up every morning and being alone, with nothing to do except anticipate when you’ll go into labor. Every small cramp or odd feeling sends a rush of “is this it?” I don’t think I’ll have much time to worry about that! For this I am thankful, but also nervous as to what that means for my poor tired body. Will I have the time I need to rest and relax before I have 3 of them? Here are some things I need to get done in the following 2-3 weeks (this is with the assumption little Eli will come early like the first 2)
Potty Train Taylor Fully (no more diapers!)
Deep cleaning/disinfecting of all toys and surfaces I can find
Buy all the things left I need (bassinet, diapers, tons of batteries etc)
Prepare/freeze meals (I heard this is a good idea, but I look forward to this the least)
Buy large Tupper wear to store the aforementioned meals (I’ve always wanted to use that word…I hope I used it correctly)
Due to nesting… probably re-clean everything 5 times
Help my sister in her delivery (My niece is due in 12 days!) AND after baby assistance
Get Jordan to sleep through the night in her bed without an hour long power struggle
Help Justin finish his last 3 classes for graduation at the end of May (WOOOO)
Keep my sanity
Although looking at that list does make me feel rather anxious, it’s good to know that in a few weeks I’ll be holding my little boy!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Last week Justin took Taylor with him to worship practice – one of her favorite things to do. On their way out Taylor was saying goodbye to everyone so Justin told her “Taylor, you’re a nice person”. There was some very humorous conversation after that, but since I was not there I do not know if this is completely accurate:
Justin: Taylor, you're a nice person
Taylor: I is a nice person
Justin: That doesn't make sense
Taylor: I is make sense
Needless to say, Taylor now refers to herself as a nice person. If you ask her what kind of person she is she will tell you “I’m a nice person”.
A couple of nights ago Justin was helping at a Youth All Nighter with Sam so it was just us girls. She was being her usual pushy/bossy self with poor Jordan and I asked her “Why are you being mean to Jordan Taylor? It’s not nice.” To which Ms. Sarcastic (although she doesn’t realize it yet) stated, “I’m not a mean person, Daddy tell me, I’m a nice person”.
If only I could tell Jordan, “Don’t worry, the minor abuse from your sister doesn’t matter, because Daddy says she’s nice”
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
What I LOVE about this phase for Jordan is that she asks for kisses by giving kisses.
Say Jordan gets her finger squished by Taylor running around (a common occurrence in our home). Jordan will approach you while "kissing" the air and hold her hand out for you to kiss. It makes me smile every time.
I wanted to get it on camera, but not sure how to "force" that moment without her being hurt and for some reason stepping on her hand just for picture doesn't seem quite right :)
For now, I'll just enjoy that the little kisses make everything better... until she realizes it still hurts after!
Monday, April 19, 2010
However, over the last couple of weeks things have gotten worse. I wonder if she has night terrors or maybe her bed is just so uncomfortable she wakes up screaming. She doesn’t just whimper and cry a little when she wakes up, its usually this loud and sometimes scary scream followed by crying and more screaming.
Last night was horrible! She woke up about midnight in this same way. She was rolling around in her bed (looked like in pain) and she could not be comforted. She didn’t want to be held, or rocked, or given a drink, or even have her back rubbed. Her eyes weren’t really open either which led me to believe she could be sleeping still and maybe just having a nightmare. She’s not usually this bad, but it was so hard to watch and hear. Justin took her from me after trying for about 10 minutes and tried to rock her. She didn’t seem to have a fever, but because she looked like she may be in pain I gave her some Tylenol just in case.
After another 10 minutes or so of Justin rocking her (he thought she had fallen back to sleep) she sat straight up and said “down”. Just set her down and I could her little feet hitting the ground as she walked to her bedroom and climbed in bed. So odd… but she went to sleep after a few whimpers.
I’m just out of ideas. I don’t know what to do to help her sleep or even what it is that causes her to get up still. She’s 18 months (almost) and although we put her in bed much earlier, she sleeps from 9:30-7 and if we’re lucky takes one nap during the day between 30min – 1 hour which is not enough sleep for her age.
I just feel so bad for her!
Friday, April 16, 2010
We’ve settled into this routine (routing is VERY good!) and the more things become routine the less I feel noticed. I’m not saying I expect some kind of recognition for everything that I do, I mean really it IS my job to take care of my family and I enjoy it.
Now it is very important to point out to all you children, husbands, and fathers that this “joy” that comes from taking care of your family does not mean you necessarily enjoy the tasks… I hate laundry, I despise dishes, vacuuming is annoying, cooking is tiresome, grocery shopping (although followed by the word shopping) does not make it fun.
I do not like doing these things at all, but I do them. I work a full day and come home to do these things because I like to know that my family is taken care of. There is something satisfying about knowing the meal my family is eating was made by me or that my house is clean and is a ‘home’ because it is cared for. This is not to be mistaken with a joy in the actual chore, but the result of the chore.
All this being said, our routine is going well. Things are running smoothly, but I feel lost in the hustle. I feel like I’ve just become Mom and Wife with these expectations to do all these things like it’s my “job”. The only reason I’m around is do these things for my family. Over this last week I’ve felt less and less like me and more and more like I’m just following the motions. The things are getting done so there are no complaints, but there is also no acknowledgement.
I try to let some of the ‘chores’ go so I have more free time to just play and goof around, but most of the time this means things don’t get done in a way or in a time that I feel is acceptable (I know I need to let that part go) so then it stresses me out. It is stressful to me to see a pile of dishes on the counter, or to not be able to relax on the couch because there is load of laundry that needs to be folded. So if I try to let go of some of these ‘chores’ that are having me feel so trapped right now, I can’t really relax or enjoy my free time because I know these things aren’t done.
Like I said earlier, I’m not looking for recognition for every little thing I do, I just want to know that these things, that I am appreciated and that my family is thankful for these things every once in awhile. Not a forced Mother’s Day card or something, but a random, unexpected, just because we love you something. A picture painted by the girls with my husband, a flower, a dinner made before I get home. Little things like this occasionally just help me feel like more then just the title of “Mom” and “Wife”.
I think it may have just been an overemotional pregnancy kind of week though. I could be over all of this by Monday :)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Warning: May have too much detail for some people!
On January 11, 2007 I woke up at about 9 AM and like most mornings really had to use the bathroom! The odd thing about this morning was that I seemed to had lost some control and peed on myself a little on the way. It was a weird feeling though, like it just flowed out instead of being pushed out. Within that hour I had take several trips the bathroom all with the same outcome. I noticed one of the times that the “urine” seemed to be an odd color as well. That’s when I thought maybe my water had broken, but I wasn’t having any contractions at all, so I couldn’t be in labor yet. I called the doctor’s office and told them what I had been experiencing and the nurse said it sounded like my water had broken and I should go to the hospital even if I wasn’t have contractions yet.
Since I was not having contractions I took my time getting my things together, notifying my friends/family, and even taking a shower and shaving (or trying to) before heading to the hospital.
I arrived somewhere around 1 pm. Since I seemed to be in no pain and not having contractions yet the hospital seemed to take their time as well getting me settled in. I had to be “tested” first to make sure that I could stay at the hospital. The nurse hooked me up to a machine to check for contractions and did my exam.
She told me my water had broken and there was meconiumin the fluid (the baby pooped in there) which can cause problems at birth if she breaths any in. She also asked how I would rate the contractions I was having. I told her that I wasn’t having any yet and she laughed and said yes you are. She showed me on the machine the little spikes and I told her the most I was feeling was what I thought was just random side cramps (like you feel after running a mile and not stretching). She also told me I was 4 centimeters and 100% effaced which meant it was “active” labor. I was a little shocked, but glad to know that it seemed to be moving fast.
By 3 pm we were in the delivery room (we being me, Justin, my Dad, my Mom, and my best friend Sarah). I had an IV with antibiotics because of some bacteria thing I had tested positive for about a week prior. Within an hour I started to really feel the contractions! I remember thinking that I rather enjoyed the time when I was in labor and didn’t know it over that! Because I seemed to be progressing so quickly I wanted to try to avoid any pain meds if possible (which worked!)
Around 6:30 pm I was ready to push. I didn’t do very good at this part though. I did a lot of pushing and didn’t make much progress. I pushed until past 8 pm before I figured it out. Taylor Rowyn Davis was born on January 11th, 2007 around 8:30 pm (it’s sad, but I don’t remember the exact time). She was 6 pounds 6 ounces and healthy as can be! I had been very anemic and had 2 units of blood the following day so we stayed at the hospital for two days before taking her home.
I woke up in the morning of October 27th, 2008 to a large gush in my bed. This time I knew it was my water because it came out quickly as opposed to how it was with Taylor. I woke Justin up and told him my water had broken. I did not “feel” the contractions yet, but I knew they were there. We headed to the hospital with my dad and sister this time leaving Taylor with my Mom and arrived around 10 am. After that I’m not really sure about any of the times haha! But I can tell you the process.
I had to get “examined” again to make sure I was in labor and that my water had broken. My water did break and again there was meconiumin in the fluid. I was 3 centimeters and 80% effaced. They usually don’t admit you until 4 centimeters, but because of the water breaking and the fact that I needed antibiotics again they gave me a room. This time the labor seemed much slower and a lot more painful! Around 6 centimeters I was so tired (poor night of sleep and not eating anything) that they did give me something in my IV to relax me. It definitely did not take away the pain, but made me sleepy between so I could at least rest (not sleep because the contractions were hard and fast!)
Memorable moment for this one… Sam brining Justin a cheeseburger for lunch and Justin eating it in the room while I starved ::sigh::.
Around either 6 or 8 (I can’t remember which, I just know it was in the evening and it was an even number) I felt the urge to push. I had been check a little earlier and only been at 8 centimeters so the nurse didn’t think it was time, but upon request check me to find it was time! One problem, there were NO doctors available.
She told me there were 4 other women delivering (actually pushing) at that moment and they had no doctors available. She told me to wait. If you have ever had a baby you know you CANT wait. It’s like asking somebody to just stop breathing. Your body just does it! The pain of having contractions AND controlling the urge to push was the worst experience ever. Finally a doctor came in. I pushed for about 15 minutes and out came Jordan Ilana Davis. 6 pounds 5 ounces. My anemia was of course making its appearance, but they monitored me this time and did no give me a transfusion. (Praise Jesus!) We went home just a couple of days later.
Monday, April 12, 2010
I love jalapeños, tapatio, salsa... yummy yummy spicy goodness. I'm not sure I understand why.There is something amazing about a chip smothered in some hot salsa or hint-o- peno, but I find myself only reaching for the bag of chips if I have a LARGE drink close at hand. I mean, I can't get through maybe 3-4 chips without a sip of something cold and soothing. So why do I continue to eat?!Am I secretly masochist? I'm a pretty good secret keeper if that's the case, Go ME! Wait... I just told you my secret; I guess that makes me a not so good secret keeper... Epic Fail.Moving on. Another favorite snack of mine is cheeto puffs smothered in tapatio! But before I sit down to enjoy my bowl I make sure to have something nearby to sooth the burning. Last night happened to be these amazing peanut butter stuffed pretzels dipped in chocolate. Odd combination, I know, but it helped! As I felt the burning growing exponentially with every bite of tapatio goodness I'd pop one of the pretzels in my mouth for quick relief... then right back at it.So WHY?! Why do we do these things? I find it hard to believe that ANYone can eat these very spicy things and not feel the uncomfortable burn-sation! Some people are much more tolerable of it, but are the it burning that makes it so good, or is it the flavor before the burn? I couldn't honesty say I'd just eat a jalapeno for the flavor of jalapeño. I mean Jalapeño flavored Jelly Bellies are ::gag::So I sit and enjoy the last few chips in my bag of Miss Vickie’s Jalapeño Chips and my LARGE Dr. Pepper (clear the pallet - dedicated to Sam) and ponder, is it worth it? Because now I have the sensation to pee.
I may have forgotten what it was like to enjoy a cookie or ice-cream of my own.I don't remember the feeling of a car with no cheerios stuck between the cushions.I vaguely remember a time when I could sprawl out on my bed and not worry about being pushed or moved. It has become a common occurrence to roll over around 4 AM to get a big whiff of a urine drenched diaper in my face. My daughter has become a pro at sneaking in our bed in the middle of the night undetected (Thanks a lot Tempurpedic and the no bounce!!!). She curls up in the corner on my side of the bed by my pillow, monkey in hand, thumb in mouth, and sleeps. If it's not the smell of popcorn (Pee smells surprisingly like popcorn after sitting in a diaper for awhile) its a foot in the face from my flailing daughter. She's worse then her dad; when it comes to sleeping still she fails epically. She steels my blanket and knocks it on the floor, she dominates my pillow, and if she so chooses she will slowly push me off the bed. I know, I'm bigger then her, but there is something about looking at 4 AM on the clock that makes me not want to get out of bed to put her back in hers. I think... if I get up now I'll just fall asleep right before I have to get up again. So I take it like a champ and push her to her Dad's side of the bed and enjoy my last two hours of shut eye.
Note: for those of you lucky enough NOT to know that song and/or NOT to know who Yo Gabba Gabba is… do NOT YouTube, Google, Etc… you will regret that choice.
Up until a few days ago little Eli was pretty relaxed in there. He moved a little at night, but nothing too horrible. All of a sudden he has become a super rambunctious, kicking, twirling, little thing. (by the way I spelled that rambucious (forgot the n) and the spell check suggested ambitious and NOT the correct spelling?)
This is not so bothersome during the day. Sometimes slightly uncomfortable and unpredictable which causes some awkward moments (I work in call center). For example, being on the phone with a member and having the wind knocked out of you is odd.
Then night falls… I know most babies wake up during this time because the lack of movement (the walking and moving “rocks” them to sleep). But he just goes and goes for several hours. A jab here, a roll there. This is right when I’m trying to fall asleep. I’ve been lucky so far and not had to run to the bathroom several times a night so once I’m asleep I’m usually out until morning, but the bathroom trips have been replaced by being kicked awake. And unlike bathroom runs, I cannot just fall back asleep because he just goes and goes.
This in combination with usually one if not both of the girls getting up at some point during the night for something (a drink, a wet diaper, etc) means my sleep is interrupted often. So although I am going to bed early, I feel like I’m getting less sleep then ever!
I do have to say; my husband is amazing with the girls though :) After some poking and re-waking him about 5 times until he realizes I’m trying to wake him, he ALWAYS takes care of the girls! This included a 2am diaper change for Jordan and drink refill for Taylor last night! He helps a ton with all those middle of the night things which I am really grateful for!
All of this to say I’m sort of tired and my belly hasn’t stopped moving since breakfast.
Friday, April 9, 2010
It’s not like my girls are exposed to TONS of people. They are at home, at church, and occasionally at MiMa’s (Great Grandma).
Here is one of those things that make me wonder where in the world…
Taylor: Oh No!
Me: What’s wrong?
Taylor: I ruined it
Me: What did you ruin?
Taylor: I ruined my bed
Me: (thinking she peed all over her bed or something go into the room to see her pointing at her bed rail) I don’t see anything.
Taylor: Here ::points to small dent:: I ruined it
Me: No you didn’t it’s just a mark in the wood
Taylor: No it’s ruined… my heart is broken
Me: Your heart is broken?
Taylor: Yes, my heart is broken, it (her bed) doesn’t love me anymore
Me: Taylor, your bed is fine and your heart is not broken
Taylor: My bed is ruined and my heart is broken. I’m sad, I’m crying.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
With two little girls I feel obligated to teach them to respect themselves and be Godly women. I feel that as the “female” role model I need to take on more responsibility in this area. However, it is also important for them to see and experience how a Godly man treats a woman. To me this means when they get older Justin will take them out on “dates”. He will open their doors and all the other gentleman like things. He should never abuse them (physically or emotionally) or call them names. He should be the spiritual head in our house (pray with them etc).
So whose job is it? I know it is a combination of both, but the responsibility has to rely more heavily on one parent then the other, right?
I’ve been thinking about this more and more now that our little boy is on the way. I told Justin one night, “You know you have to teach him to be a gentleman!” He told me he was taught his chivalrous ways from his mom so it should be my job. I just think… doesn’t it mean more if it comes from the “man” of the house? Justin always opens my door and even puts the toilet seat down! I can tell my son all day that he should do these things, but I feel like it would mean more if the ‘man’ that is supposed to be doing these things is the one telling him to do it. Maybe I’m wrong. And I know it will be, as said before, a job for both of us. But who is primarily responsible?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
As I was thinking of the title for this entry I remembered this old movie I used to watch at my grandma’s about a donut man…
They had this song called good news on one of them that is now stuck in my head haha!
Anyway, here’s the scoop:
- My hemoglobin specialist called and said although my count is still low, its higher then expected for me and his recommendation is I do nothing. I like that!
- Ultrasound on Monday – baby is about 4 pounds and has caught up to what he should be!
- A good friend is in town and I get to see him!
- The main thing that I’m writing about today is the kid’s room though...
After my family baby shower this weekend I was able to piece together what it was that I actually needed. Luckily, it’s very little! I was extremely blessed by family and friends for this little boy. I know most people don’t even have a baby shower after their first so I was really appreciative of everyone that helped me have a wonderful shower despite the fact that it’s our third baby.
I was excited to be able to pass all my girly pink things to my little sister who is due May 10th (just a couple weeks before me!) so I knew it would be used.
I’m just waiting on the last few things to show up in the mail (some mattresses and bedding) and I think I’ll have everything in order! The rest of the little things can wait until little Eli is actually here.
I’ve decided (as long as my doctor will let me) to try and work longer. Instead of the typical one month off before taking 2 weeks (or 3) off instead. This will give me more time after the baby is born to enjoy him AND the extra boost of cash right before leave can’t hurt either! We’ll see what the doctor says at my next appointment (April 23rd).
That’s the news on all things baby I can think of. I have an AMAZING profile shot of the baby… once I figure out how to take a picture of the picture without it being all blurry or have a huge glare I’ll post it for you. I’m biased, but he has the cutest little nose!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Last month (being March) I spent below budget and was super excited to throw some extra cash at my student loan. However, just a few days after my big grocery trip for the month Justin got the news on his blood work so about half of the food I bought wasn’t going to work for the new diet. Good thing my mom hadn’t gone shopping yet! I gave her most of the things I had, saved a few things for the nights when it would be just me and the girls eating, and planned another trip to the store.
One fun thing about this is that I had to buy a new cookbook with low carb/low fat recipes which is great! A lot of the ingredients need to be fresh though so I’ve had to throw out my idea of once a month shopping trips and go one week at a time. This is helping me buy ONLY what I need since I actually plan a meal a day (for 5 days of the week and figure leftovers the other 2 nights) instead of over buying like I had done in the past. I get to try new recipes and cook fresh food which for some odd reason makes me feel like more of a “mom”. Microwaving a premade frozen dinner and adding a salad on the side just doesn’t have the same effect as making a meal for your family!
I am discovering the joys of the crock pot, but also realizing a lot of the recipes taste quite similar ::shrug:: I may just be trying the wrong ones though.
All this to say that when I looked at my alert on mint.com (amazing resource by the way) and realized I had more then doubled my budget I had mini heart attack. That’s when it really hit me though, like it has a million times before GOD PROVIDES.
I am so blessed by the family and friends God has given to me (us). I laugh at myself sometimes for ever worrying about things like this, because honestly when has a bill gone unpaid, late, or food not be available? NEVER! I have this little ideal picture in my head of what my budge should look like but sometimes I have to just let it go and see all those red and orange lines (on mint.com) and realize God works and moves in the most noticeable ways when we are living our lives (for him of course) in red/orange.
For some crazy reason when all things are going well (in the green) we take for granted that its because of God’s hand in your life and not because of ourselves. We are so selfish, but God is so selfless.
Cliché, but honestly, What a Mighty God We Serve! I sure love my daddy! (the heavenly one in this context)