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Thursday, January 29, 2015

A Whole New Set Of Emotions

Let’s start with the drama!  Imagine with me… days after delivering a beautiful baby girl for a family that was unable to have their own…you get a phone call to meet a new family “just in case you decide to do it again”.
I agreed, why not? A free meal at Cheesecake Factory and meeting some new IP (intended parents) in the even Justin and I decided to embark on this surrogacy journey again.
The meeting went well; they asked me to get pregnant in 2 months. Um. No.  I told them I wasn’t ready to commit to anything yet.  “We’ll See” is where I left it.
Once I got my medical clearance I reached out to this couple.  I didn’t hear anything back.
In the meantime the agency (who I love – do you want to be a surrogate? Go find Coastal Surrogacy!) called me to meet a new family.
Admittedly, meeting this family did not leave me heartbroken like when meeting my first IP.  I think that is because this family does have children.  She just can’t have anymore.  She is YOUNG.  She is my age.  And her body just can’t do it again.  But she longs for a large family.  She loves being a mommy and wants more kids to add to her bunch (a lot more kids I might add).  After talking it over with Justin we decided to proceed.
After singing my “agreement” with them, I got a message from the IP I met several months earlier… a day too late.  There was some not-so-happy emails about our choice to go with different IP which was awkward.  But in the end, I believe it was the right choice.
So here I am, working on “Legal” (getting a contract signed) and I feel weird.  I feel different.
I am still excited, but not in the same way.  There is a difference between helping somebody who has tried and failed several times to have their own baby and somebody who already has a baby but can’t have any more.
On one hand, I was almost overwhelmed and broken for my first IP.  Hearing her story hurt my heart in such a unique way and all I wanted to do was carry her baby so she could hold that little life that she so deeply desired.
And now I have this “I get it” feeling.  I loved my first baby, but growing my family was just as incredible.  Watching how the brother and sister relationships grow.  Watching how those babies, coming from the same parents, are so unique.  I love watching my children’s uniqueness shine through – just a picture of how God creates each of us to be different to fulfill our singular goal.  So I get it.  For some, one is enough.  One wasn’t enough for me.  And it isn’t enough for this family.
There is more to this story, but this is enough for today. 
Next week (or day or something) on Rachael’s blog: Sister Surrogates…Say What?!

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