A Choice Not To Compromise

First: I’m sorry I’ve sort of disappeared.  In short it’s due to many things and here it is in 5 words with more to come later…maybe…probably (school, layoffs, infinity, sleep, friends).   Now to the real point.

I’ve been told by the surrogacy agency that I will be difficult to match.  They aren’t telling me this to be negative and in no way is it based on my body’s ability to produce a healthy baby.  Instead it’s related to the fact that I do not consider termination/reduction an option.  Let me elaborate on what I mean by that since I did not understand what that was going into this.

Reduction:  Taking 1 or more fetuses (fetusi?) from the womb to reduce the number of babies.  A family who does not want twins or if say the surrogate ends up with triplets and it would be dangerous to carry that many for the baby’s or surrogate’s sake.

Termination: This can be for MANY reasons from the baby being an undesired gender to finding out the baby has a fatal disease/deformity that will mean a short and/or painful life.  It could also be because the Surrogate’s health/life is in danger.

I don’t think it’s a secret (it’s not intended to be) that to me a life is a life.  From the moment of conception the thing growing in that mother is not a “thing” it’s a human being.  It’s a life.  I am adamantly against abortion and this is not intended to my way of telling you why.  The why right now is not the point.  The point is I have decided that it is not ok with me.  It is something I will not do.  And for that reason I am hard to “match”.

I get it.  I get that these families are paying $100,000+ to have a baby (that is not my compensation by the way it’s the cost for EVERYthing).   I get that if you are paying that much for a baby you want a perfect healthy baby.  But that doesn’t change the fact that even an unhealthy baby, or a girl instead of a boy, or a baby with a disability to me is still a life.  A life that deserves the chance to be lived. 

So when I got an email this morning about another couple interested in allowing me to be their surrogate I was reluctant.  Because unlike the couples I have met before, this family thinks Reduction/Termination is an option.  And for me it is not.  For me it is not a compromise I am willing to make.

That being said I still plan on meeting them.  Maybe I can express myself and my opinion in a way that will make them reconsider.  Not because I want them to “choose me” over somebody else, but because I want them to understand why to me it is not negotiable.  To me that life, despite its “flaws”, is not for me to choose to end.  That it is not a choice I will make.

Anyway, despite all of that I have a medical screening tomorrow morning to get the “ok” from a fertility doctor.  I ask for prayer that this goes well and that if it is God’s will that I carry a baby for somebody that he brings the right family along.

And to end it, one of my favorite pictures of all time.  The girls talking to Elijah just before we left for the hospital to bring home baby bruder.

 

Things That Don’t Make Sense: Marathons

There are things in life I just don’t understand.  Like how a piece of paper can pierce your skin providing you with some of the worst pain imaginable.  Or why there are only like 5 fruit snacks in a pack of fruit snacks.  

But the one thing I don’t understand that I am choosing to talk about today is why people run marathons.

A recent conversation with my husband got me thinking about this.

He took the kids to the park and in his attempt to get more exercise he ran.  And felt like he would vomit from this venture.   So as he was telling me of his woes I thought (and pretty sure I said out loud) “running is never a good idea”.

I know some people enjoy it.  I think they’re crazy.  But I still love them, because I love me a little crazy (mostly because I want them to still love me despite MY crazy).

This got me thinking even more.  I realize as I type this I think FAR too much about pointless things in life and I could probably be a multi-millionaire or discoverer of the cure for cancer by now if I put my thought to much more useful things.  But instead I think about the pointlessness of marathons.

Not all marathons are pointless.  If you are doing one of those marathons that are just for the heck of it and you like running and peeing on yourself then go for it.

But if you are doing one of the far more common type of marathon that is “running for a cause” I think you might be an idiot.  WHY do you pay say $100 to be in a marathon to “cure breast cancer”?  Half of that is going towards things like a t shirt for you and a medal for the winner and ropes and ribbons along the way.  If you care that much about curing breast cancer why not just donate the $100??? And if the argument is that you can get “sponsors” for your run why not just ask those same people to just donate directly??

It makes no sense!

All this to say if you want to run a marathon because for some crazy reason it’s on your bucket list or you actually enjoy that whole running thing I fully support you (knowing I think you’re a little psycho).

If you are running for “cause” I think your being stupid. 

However, if it just so happens that the marathon you are running in because you actually enjoy it is one of those that are for a “cause” I find no fault in that.  But if the “cause” is what’s making you do a horrific thing like a marathon give yourself a break and just give the money directly to the darn charity.  I promise you it’s the better life choice.

Cookies

I enjoy baking.  To clarify I enjoy baking cookies.  I don’t really enjoy baking much else. 

As I’ve talked about before Tuesday night in our house is typically baking night so the girls and I usually bake cookies.  Sometimes brownies.

I use the EASIEST recipe in the world to make some yummy cookies.

Literally:

1 box of cake mix (any flavor)
½ Cup of Oil
2 Eggs

Then I just add ingredients as I feel led to make them interesting.  Since Justin has been gone with the kids for a couple of days I took last night to just bake for the heck of it.  And I as I tried a new recipe I thought I wanted to capture somewhere all of the different kinds I have made so my list is below.

I’ve also decided I want to try 1 new cookie combination a month until the end of the year.  Because as most of you know when Christmas comes so do LOTS of cookies and I’d like to add a few new recipes to the mix.

So without further ado, here’s what we have so far:

Lemon Cookies
Lemon Cake Mix rolled in Powdered Sugar

Mixed Berry Cookies
Strawberry Cake Mix with ¼ cup Mixed Berry Jelly rolled in Powdered Sugar

Strawberry White Chocolate Chip Cookies
Strawberry Cake mix with White Chocolate Chips

Chocolate Chip Cookies
Butter Recipe Cake Mix with Chocolate Chips

Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies
Butter Recipe Cake Mix with 1 Smashed Banana and Chocolate Chips

Chocolate Mint Chip Cookies
(Dark) Chocolate Cake Mix with 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup with:
1. 1-2 Tablespoons Mint Extract with Chocolate Chips
2. 1-2 Cups Andes Mints chopped up

Strawberry Chocolate White Chocolate Chip Cookies
(Dark) Chocolate Cake Mix with 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup with 1-2 Tablespoons Strawberry Extract with White Chocolate Chips (I may try this again using some strawberry preserves instead of extract)

Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip Cookies
(Dark) Chocolate Cake Mix with 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup with Reeces Peanut Butter Chips

Apple Cinnamon Cookies
Butter Recipe Cake Mix with 1 Tablespoon Cinnamon and 1 Granny Smith Apple Finely Chopped

Apple Butterscotch Chip Cookies
Butter Recipe Cake Mix with 1 Granny Smith Apple Finely Chopped and Butterscotch Chips

Caramel Apple Cookies (fail)
Butter Recipe Cake Mix with 1 Granny Smith Apple Finely Chopped and Caramel Chips (the caramel chips become hard after cookies cool and make the cookies hard instead of soft and chewy)

Chocolate Caramel Cookies (fail)
(Dark) Chocolate Cake Mix with 1 Granny Smith Apple Finely Chopped and Caramel Chips (the caramel chips become hard after cookies cool and make the cookies hard instead of soft and chewy)

Snickerdoodle Cookies
French Vanilla Cake Mix rolled in Cinnamon Sugar

Sugar Cookies
Butter Recipe Cake Mix rolled in Sugar (or powdered sugar)

Waiting

I'm not a very good "waiter". Not in the service sort of way (I was freaking awesome waitress), but in the sit and wait for something kind of way.

It’s not just waiting for something for me, it’s just waiting.

From Christmas gifts to taking a test. I just want to see the outcome.

My husband can tell you...it’s a pain to deal with me around Christmas. If I buy a gift I want you to open it NOW...now in 5 days when it’s actually Christmas. Every year I beg Justin to open his gift early. Every year he says no.

He's mean.

So admittedly I wasn’t ready for this waiting thing for Surrogacy.

I was ok waiting when I had no “options”.  When I had no potential parents out there interested in me.  I was ok waiting.  Because there was no outcome.

But not now.

Now that I have a couple that wants to use me IF something occurs.  That drives me crazy.

Now that I have another couple that wants to use me but they aren’t far enough in the process to actually do it yet.

I don’t like waiting. 

But this time it’s because I want to get started. 

This time it’s because I’m excited to help somebody have a baby. 

I’m impatient because I so desperately want to give them this.  I want to walk through this with them as we see the pregnancy come back positive.  As we look at the first ultra sound or hear the first heartbeat.  I’m excited to walk this journey with them and experience their highs and lows right along with them.

I know this is going to be a life changing experience for me and I’m ready for the change to start.  I’m ready to see how we’ll all end up.
 
So if you want to be crazy right along with me pray that the “IF” happens.  And talk to me if you want more of the awkward details.

Bagelphobia (It’s A Thing)

It all started like 3-4 years ago when I was pregnant with Elijah.  I was enjoying my daily first breakfast (not to be confused with 2nd breakfast) of OJ and a bagel smothered in so much cream cheese you could barely tell there was a bagel.  Seriously…I love cream cheese.

I took one giant bite and began to chew…something tasted off.  I still believe that if I wasn’t pregnant I wouldn’t have noticed.  But for all you mommies out there you know that you can smell and taste EVERYthing from like a mile away.  And yes I realize you can’t “taste” anything from a mile away, but just go with it for the stories sake.

I figured I was just being weird and washed down the odd taste with a big swig of delicious extra pulpy OJ and picked my bagel up for another bite.

To my horror I saw what that odd taste was… my bagel had small green “freckles” of mold on the inside! How does that even happen?? The outside looked fine, but the inside looked like a green version of my face after a week in the sun (hence the freckle reference…I have a lot of freckles).

I instantly began go gag because that’s what I do when I see mold.  Its uncontrollable.  Justin can attest to this.

And cue panic attack.

What happens if you eat mold? WORSE what happens if you eat mold while pregnant?

Point of advice…don’t google it…it makes the panic attack far worse.

In the end I was fine…can’t say Elijah is (this is still to be determined – after all he’s pretty much just mini Justin).

And this is why whenever I eat a bagel I investigate the location of my soon to be bite with every bite just to make sure.  Because I can’t give up cream cheese and the best way to eat cream cheese is with a bagel.  I know...you're impressed by my bravery and ability to face my fears (as long as it isn't clowns).

Ear Piercing

On July 13th what started as a beach day ended so very different.

I got a phone call from my mommy. She was having a rough morning.  One of those mornings where a lot of little things make their way to the surface all at the same time.

All it took was the comment “today is one of those days I really wish you just lived down the street”.  So I turned to my hubby and said, “I think I need to go visit my mom today”.  He was of course in complete agreement because:

1.      It meant he didn’t have to go to the beach

2.      It meant he’d get some uninterrupted game time (because Saturday’s for me are cleaning days which always involves me barking some cleaning chore at him)

So Taylor and I headed out.  She was a little upset about missing the beach day and we had one of those life lesson conversations that we usually have in the car.

“Sometimes when you love somebody very much you don’t do something you really want to do because instead you do something with them to make them feel better”.  So I explained Grandma was having a rough day and just needed some cuddle time.  She was all for cuddle time and made it the whole day only mentioning her disappointment in the lack of beach going like 5 times.

So in an attempt to surprise my mom (bad idea to surprise somebody that lives an hour away) I arrived at the house and she of course was not home.  I called my baby sister (that’s right Sarah, you are a baby) and was like “dude where’s mom” and she was like “we’re on our way home” and I was like “ok don’t tell her I’m here”.  That’s not really how we talk, but you get the idea.

So about 10 minutes later my mom was home and we got in some cuddle time.  Not literally.  I was not literally cuddling with my mom…I’m not even sure what that would look like.

After some “bonding” we headed to lunch and during lunch I had he bright idea to pierce Taylor’s ears.  Taylor was not a fan of this idea.

I tried bribing with candy.

I tried bribing with no bedtime.

I tried bribing with a new toy.

I tried bribing with an open ended “you can pick ANYthing”.

She was not having it.

I decided to take her to the store anyway to see if she changed her mind.  Finally she came around and said she wanted to do it.  Note: I did make sure she wanted to do it for her.  She said she wanted to do it because it looks pretty and she wanted new pretty earrings.  She also added her own fine print with “and this means you’ll never ask me to go on a roller coaster again!”

I told her I’d ask her still, but not make her or ask her more than 1 time. 

She Agreed.

She picked the blue star earrings.

She screamed and freaked out the littler girls in line behind her.

She got a giant lollipop.

She is now quite content with her new studs (that’s what beginner earrings are called for all you boys that read this)

I think they look pretty cute too. Oh and that's my niece in the 2nd picture...my baby sister decided to pierce her ears too.