So Sayith Tay, Jay, and Eli #1

Buck Baker: If mommy and daddy where super heroes what would there powers be?

Taylor: It will be flying and fireballs and pushing bad guys away when they are too close.

Jordan: Fireballs and waterballs.

Elijah: His power would be a bad guy.

Jennifer Baker: Yay blog night is back! if you only had one thing to eat for the rest of your life what would want to eat? 

Taylor: Ice cream.

Jordan: Juice grapes.

Elijah: God.

Jennifer Baker: What is the your favorite day of the week and why? 

Taylor: My favorite day of the week was when I was at purple because I like being at purple.

Jordan: Uh, Taylor doing her earrings.

Elijah: Going to the ballet to get chocolate.

Jennifer Baker: What is your favorite game to play with your family?

Taylor: I like playing with my dad CubeWorld.

Jordan: Wreck it Ralph

Elijah: Tickets.

Sam Welbaum: If you were a hot dog...and you were hungry...would you eat yourself?

Taylor: I would another hot dog.

Jordan: mmhmm

Elijah: No. I don't want to.  It would make me sick.

Brittany M: What does a unicorn look like? 

Taylor: Um it has a horn on its head and um it has four legs and a body and a tail.

Jordan: Uh, butter.

Elijah: Um..

Brittany M:  What's the worst and best day of the week and why? 

Taylor: The worst one is when I twisted my friend's arm. My best is when I was on purple.

Jordan: My worst day of the week is having a dream of Taylor pooping on me.  Having ice cream with mommy.

Elijah: Getting some chocolate and cimonon.

Brittany M:  How much does a car cost?

Taylor: A lot.  I mean can we do a new one? I mean its expensive.

Jordan: One hundred dollars.

Elijah: God, Yeehaw!

Definitely Not an Update

I’ve been sort of down lately with this surrogacy thing.  I started off this journey a little hesitant.  Did I really want to do this? COULD I do this?

As things moved and the process began the hesitation dwindled and excitement quickly took its place.  I was excited to do this.  Partially because of the money (because seriously it would be a nice boost for the family and our attempt to buy a home), but mostly for the experience.  The experience of being able to help a family that has been struggling to produce their own life.  Some of the stories I have heard from these couples break my heart.  They want this child SO badly and have, in most cases, heart wrenching stories about their many attempts to do it on their own.  It’s also for the experience of carrying a baby…again (I really like pregnancy most of the time).

So with each family I meet and with each family that says “no” sadness starts to replace that excitement.  Some say “no” for reasons outside of their control (embryos with problems), but some say “no” because they don’t like that I’ve made a choice not to compromise (see blog for details). 

Part of me wants to say…the chances are small so if I just tell them “Yes I will compromise” they’d be happy and choose me and the chances are so small that there would a problem where they would ask me to terminate.  But what if they did ask me? What if the baby has a disability that is not life threatening, but the parents still don’t want to deal with it? What if then they ask me to terminate?  I just can’t.  The very thought of taking a life of baby breaks my heart in ways I could never fully express.  I can’t take that risk.  And so instead I keep dealing with the “no”.

And with each “no” comes a little more sadness and slowly replaces the excitement.

Don’t get me wrong.  I still REALLY want to do this.  I’m just having to face the reality that I am difficult to match and that means this may never actually happen.  And although I’ve known that was the truth since the beginning it doesn’t make it any easier.

So please excuse me while I mope a little and dream of being 5 months pregnant (that is a fun time).  And please continue to pray for me and the family through this journey: that if it is God’s will for me to become a surrogate, that the perfect family does come along.

So Sayith Tay and Jay #47

Taylor asks Jordan:

What is your favorite animal?
Uh, a green dog and a kitty that is pink and fluffy.

If you can make what color sky, what would it be?
Purple.

What's your favorite thing to do?
My favorite thing to do is paint.

What's your favorite color?
Uh, pink and blue.

What kind of dye do you like?
Um, pink and blue.  I mean a rainbow.

Jordan asks Taylor:

Why do you paint a tree green?
Because um because its green.

Why does a tree sometimes be brown?
Because its Fall.

Why do ants live in holes?
Um because they need protection.

Why do people live in houses?
So they have somewhere to stay warm and not get wet.

Why are doggies real?
It's because God made them. Or you can say Jesus.

The Birds, The Bees, And Easter Bunny

WARNING: This may not be suitable for everyone.  And by suitable I mean a kid shouldn't read it nor should parents/adults/teens who giggle when they see the word for certain "private" body parts.

We've tried the approach in our house to say things like it is.  That means we don't have nick names for body parts and if my kids ask a question we give the a detailed (age appropriate) answer.

Remember...I warned you.  Seriously stop reading if you can't handle it.

So its not uncommon for Elijah to run out and say "Mommy my penis is growing" when he wakes up in the morning with man parts standing straight up.  Its also why we've had awkward conversations like when Jordan asked when she would grow fur on her vagina.  Or when Taylor asked if she could have mountain boobs like mommy someday.

We don't shy away from these conversations.  We don't laugh and draw attention the conversation.  We answer their questions and move on.

Some parents don't appreciate this so much and freak out a little when my kids reference these body parts with their real name.  I get it.  Its not an approach everyone agrees with, but its what we do and I don't have any intention on apologizing for it.

I will correct my kids if they are using these terms without purpose.  Like just yelling penis at the dinner table, but if they happen to be in front of your kid and say something like "when I peed my vagina hurt" I will not correct them or scold them.  In our house its no different then saying "wee wee" or "private parts" instead.

Aside from that my kids know other things typical kids their age don't know.  Because if they ask.  We answer.  Its why my kids know Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real and just pretend like in movies (and we do tell them not to talk to other kids about it because some mommy's and daddy's like to play pretend with their kids so other kids might think they are real).

It is also why Taylor can explain to you how some babies are born with genetic disorders (at a 6 year old level). It also means that Taylor knows why women have periods.  It also means the Taylor knows how babies are formed (that an egg from a mommy comes together with an egg from a daddy and makes a baby)... thank the lord she hasn't asked how those eggs come together...well not yet anyway.  And in case you haven't picked up on it, Taylor is the much more curious kid of ours.  The other 2 haven't asked nearly as complex questions yet.

So today this conversation happened
T=Taylor (female, age 6) and J=JC (male, age 8)

T: do you have sister?
J: no
T: why?
J: my mommy doesn't have one yet
T: well you just need to tell your daddy to give her an egg
J: huh?
Me: Taylor tell JC about your school ::topic successfully changed::

Yeah.  So I won't apologize for that conversation happening, but I'm wise enough to change the topic so my 6 year doesn't start explain the birds and the bees to your kid.  So I'm not that horrible of a person, right? :)

Release the Beast

There has been a whopping 2 times in my life that my inner mother wrath has attempted to make its way out.  I think generally try to take the crappy moments my kids go through as a learning experience and teach them how to cope and move on with life’s little hassles.

But on these 2 occasions the anger nearly emerged.  The action against my child was something the mom inside me could not process in a calm manner.

The first time was when we were at a friend’s house.  A friend who we love and adore.  A friend that I completely trust my children with.  While hanging out this friend’s mom took it upon herself to offer my then 4 your old daughter to try her cigar.  I had full faith my children were in good hands so I did not actually see this happen.  What I saw a crying Taylor.  If you know Taylor you know she’s typically a crier so that is nothing to cause alarm.  But this was different.  This was a fearful sort of cry.  We were on our way out so I picked her up and we walked outside.  When we got in the car I asked why she was crying.

Taylor: Because the dust made me cough?Me: What dust?Taylor: The mommy told me to breath in the stick with the dust?Me: What?Taylor: The stick she had in her mouth she told me to try it and the dust went in my mouth and it hurt me.

Yeah…I sort of flipped and for the sake of my friend decided not to jump out of the car and tackle his mother.  But vowed that we would NEVER go back to that house since I NEVER wanted to see her again.

The 2^nd occasion happened yesterday.  There is a little boy in Taylor’s class that has always been pretty rude to her.  I am pretty sure it’s his mother’s doing since I have seen Taylor playing with this little boy and then the little boy’s mom whispers something in his ear and then the little boy stops playing with Taylor and just ignores her.  I told Taylor to just keep being nice to this boy even if he was being mean and just to not play with him if he was being mean.  She’s come home with a few stories about this boy.  Little rude comment he makes and what not.  And we just keep telling her to be nice and just don’t play with him.

About a week ago she came home and told me excitedly that this boy was now her friend, but that she had to keep it a secret since he wasn’t allowed to be her friend.   I told her I was happy that they were getting along and left it alone.

Then yesterday Taylor told me they weren’t friends anymore because somebody found out about their secret.  I asked her what happened and she said that another kid in the class told this boy’s mom that she was playing with him.  So this little boy told Taylor they can’t be friends anymore because his mom knew the secret.  He said he can’t be friends with Taylor because her skin and hair were the wrong color.

WHAT?!!!!

She then asked me if she could dye her hair black so it would be the right color.  I told her no.  Her hair was beautiful and the color of your hair is not a reason for not being somebody’s friend.  That no matter what color hair they have we can be their friend.

She also asked me how she could dye her skin darker.  Inside the anger boiled.  I told her again that we love everyone no matter what color their hair or skin is.  That it doesn’t matter and if somebody is telling her there is something wrong with the color of her hair or skin that she needed to tell the teacher.  I told her it is a form of “bullying” and it is not acceptable.

I knew Taylor would get picked on at school, that’s a given.  I knew she would get picked on for being the “white girl”.  But to actually have a kid tell her that he couldn’t be her friend because the color of her skin AND pretty much say it’s because his mom told him so made me rather livid.

To make matters worse that boy’s mother was sitting next to me about an hour later during the Back to School Night.  The Mother Wrath was contained….but only barely.

And for anyone out there that says racism doesn’t exist - I call you a liar.

And for anyone out there that says if you are white then you don’t know what racism is like – I call you liar.

And for anyone that says because you are white it’s not really racism if somebody treats you like that – I dare you to tell me that to my face.  After all, I have some Mother Wrath I’ve been holding in for a while that’s dying to get out.

And yes…I realize that if anyone does take me up on that last offer I will get my butt handed to me since I actually have no real ability to fight at all… But I never said I was being rational about any of this.

A List of Distractions

There has been a lot going on recently in the life of the mother Davis.  Which of course pours into the rest of the family’s lives.  These things have caused mixed emotions of Joy and Anxiety and have left my desire to blog rather lacking. 

FYI: That last sentence was written and stared at for several minutes before I decided I’m not sure if it makes sense and don’t really feel the need to try and fix it.  So I am completely aware there may be errors in that sentence.  And completely aware there may not be errors and I not knowing may make be quiet ignorant to the English language (that sentence might be bad too).

In my attempt to distract myself from some of this craziness I’m forcing myself to blog.  And what better way to do that then with a list of things from children:

1.       Jordan was playing with playdoh and walked over to me with what I assumed was a playdoh snake and excitedly said “Look mom! I made a penis!”…”And its squishy like a real one too!”

2.       You know you have a son with 2 older sisters when it’s not uncommon to see him running around in a princess dress…

3.       You know your son runs around in a princess dress far too often when you catch him playing Barbies and dressing all the male Barbies up in princess dresses.

4.       Taylor told me she wanted to be a doctor.  I told her doctor’s make a lot of money.  She then told me she wanted to be a doctor 3 times so she would have 3 lots of monies and be rich.

5.       After telling the kids last night to go to bed I went to tuck Elijah in.  To my surprise I found Taylor sitting on his bed tucking him in and singing to him (yes that is your heart melting).

6.       Elijah likes to sing while he pees…he likes to dance while he sings… if you didn’t get what just happened there know that this means there is pee all over the bathroom.

7.       Taylor has learned the internet holds answers to almost everything.  When I don’t know how to explain something or when she wants to see a picture we look it up online.  Apparently she thinks the internet holds ALL answers.

Taylor: Mom will you die someday?

Me: Yes

Taylor: When?

Me: I don’t know

Taylor: You should look it up on the internet

8.       Elijah came to a shocking realization as he screamed “Mommy! Your penis is lost!” and then ran off saying “I’ll find it – Super Elijah to the Rescue!” (and yes that is my 2^nd man part story, but it comes up frequently in our house)

9.       When I asked Jordan why the Barbie house was moved away from the wall she mater-of-factly told me “So I can hide my toys from you so you don’t know I’m playing during nap time”.  I’m not even sure how to respond to that kind of honesty.

10.   Jordan suddenly started recognizing her letters and numbers.  The problem is she reads and writes everything right to left.  So when Jordan arranges our letter magnets to spell “rolyat” Taylor comes around later to fix them to say “taylor”.  Moments later Jordan stops by, notices the obvious error and fixes it back to say “rolyat”.  Neither of them realize what they are doing to each other.