So if you are a friend on facebook (which I’m sure anyone reading this is) then you may have already seen my post relating to this, but it is well worth explanation.
Last night on the way to Church I expressed to Justin how “drained” I am feeling right now. I feel like so many things in my life have been an uphill battle. I’m crawling to get out of this ditch… I’m tired, broken, bloody, dirty, and I just can’t get out! This hit me hard today when a new position I applied for was offered to another person. However, it was one of the most amazing rejections I have ever had and for that I am extremely grateful!!
I feel like I keep barely falling short of these “dreams” or “goals” that I have, and if you know me that is huge pill to swallow (I wonder how many cliché sayings I can fit in this one post haha). I want to move out of my parent’s house, but I make barely too much for an affordable housing unit in my price range or I don’t make enough for a place that would fit my pretty large family. I want more from my job (I really do like what I do, but I just want a little more from it), but I can’t seem to find another position that is good fit for me that the hiring manager feels I’m qualified enough for. These are the big things with tons of small things feeling the little gaps.
I am tired of all of me, just not being enough… Then it hit me last night or I should say HE hit me last night. Why am I trying to be “enough” for things in this world and not focusing on being enough for HIM?
Our Music Man, Jarrett LeMaster (sorry if it is spelled wrong) sang the hymn last night Be Thou My Vision and the following verse hit me like a truck –
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
Pastor Brian spoke last night of Prayer and Fasting. He emphasized this is a commitment between that person and the Lord and it is nobody’s business to know when you are fasting or what you are fasting from, but still very important to make that commitment to God if you feel God is putting it on your heart to do so. Needless to say, I know God is calling me closer to him right now so I wont’ tell you when, for how long, or what I will be fasting from, but that I will do it and I am excited about what God has in store for me. I need to strive to be enough for HIM which in turn will make all my dreams and goals a reality.
Now for those of you that might be reading this that are not saved I want to make a couple of important notes:
1. I am thankful you have read this far into a post about God when it is probably not important to you.
2. I may never get my dream job or dream home, but if I make my ONLY dream to live a God honoring life, to please HIM then no matter what my job is or where I live my dreams will “come true”. If I do get one of these other things it’s a perk, but not a necessity. I hope that makes sense!
Thank you friends and family for your prayers for our family. It is appreciated so much more then you know!