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Thursday, April 17, 2014

I'm 29!


I have been alive for 29 years.  Well nearly 29 years.  I’m pretty sure I was born in the evening sometime.

And really I’ve been alive for 29 years and about 9 months (give or take).  We should celebrate birthdays at conception “Happy Day Your Mom and Dad Got It On”… I guess that doesn’t work… but I may begin torturing my kids in that way once they hit puberty ::insert evil smile::

So to celebrate my 29th year of life I will tell you 29 facts about me.  Some of you know them all…some of you know some of them…some of you know none of them… 

1.       When I experience true road rage I yell at the evil car “You Butt Wipe”…I know… I’m horrible

2.       The more kids you have the less you can control your bladder.  I don’t just walk around peeing on myself, but if I don’t “brace” myself before a sneeze or cough I will pee a little… this has happened in the last week

3.       IF Drew Barrymore, Sylvester Stallone, Drew Carrey, Louis Anderson, Gilbert Gottfried, Salma Hayek, and Sofia Vergara got in a boat and disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle…I’d be ok with that

4.       I bit my nails (both fingers and toes) until my freshman year of high school when a girl looked at my feet and told me I was not allowed to wear sandals without painted nails – so I stopped biting and started painting

5.       I cut (or bite) off the chocolate from all the sides and bottom of a snickers before I eat it.  Because chocolate is gross

6.       I think Kraft Mac N Cheese is the best – if Mac N Cheese is made with real cheese its gross

7.       I have an addiction to nachos – again…if it is made with real cheese though it is gross

8.       I have a bald spot on the shin of each of my legs (always been there)… it probably means I have some kind of rare disease that will kill me abruptly one day… but it also means I never have to worry about shaving that spot

9.       Since I’ve only been wearing pants or dresses with boots my legs are currently only shaved from mid-thigh to mid-shin… it has been that way for about a month

10.   Sometimes I cough so hard I gag… that can’t be normal

11.   I have 2 toe nails that grow in a funny direction (so does Eli..poor kid got it from me)

12.   I haven’t ridden a bike in 18 years… I may not remember how

13.   Most all breakfast foods are gross… I’d prefer to eat dinner 3 meals a day

14.   If I cook chicken I can’t eat it…if you cook chicken I can eat it…if chicken is on a bone I won’t eat it

15.   I like the flavor of most all fruits, but will not eat most of them because of their horrible texture (blueberries, raspberry, cranberry, banana, kiwi, peaches, and Apricots are out)

16.   I may have eaten so many baby carrots in one sitting I pooped orange…this may have happened more than once

17.   When I was younger I would take an entire head of iceberg lettuce and just eat it like a giant apple

18.   I am so not-flexible I cannot sit with my legs straight in front of me so my body is at a 90 degree angle without feeling the muscle pull/stretch in just my left leg

19.   I’m an obsessive budgeter and saver and would rather take any cash I get as gifts and put it into a savings account than buy something I want (if I NEED it than its fine)

20.   I do however love splurging on things for my friends and family and when I decide to get something “big” I want it now…not tomorrow…let’s go shopping today!

21.   I can’t get rid of clothes…I have many a shirt in my closet I haven’t worn in years (because it doesn’t fit or because it has a hole that “I’ll fix someday”, or that is just hideous) and I can’t throw it out.  Unlike my husband though…I don’t wear those shirts in public

22.   I got picked on A LOT in school…I was white (when 80% were Hispanic), I was smart (when other kids barely showed up to class), and I was quiet and awkward

23.   I like the tingly feeling of a foot/hand that fell asleep

24.   If I’m playing a video game with “collections” or “achievements” I must have every single one

25.   I nearly always have a bruise on my knee or leg that I don’t know the source of.  I assume it’s Justin kicking me in my sleep.

26.   I rarely ever throw away gum…I usually always swallow it

27.   If I’m watching a tv show that has a main character that has something “off” about their face…it is very difficult to watch.  Like Dick Butkis in “The Neighbors” or Alice and the Red Queen from “Once Upon a Time in Wonderland”

28.   Vomit makes me Vomit.  So it may be true that recently while driving home Jordan began puking in the back seat of the car and I had my head out the window (in the rain) gagging and praying I could make it home before I lost all my stomach contents.

29.   I’m a super nerd who enjoys long days of creating excel workbooks with crazy formulas and SQL queries…if you don’t know what both of those are your life is incomplete

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