My kids have vastly different personalities. As a recent post of Facebook clearly shows:
“How many kids does it take to kill a spider? 3. One to
scream “it’s moving to get me” (Taylor), one to stare and say “wow it’s so big”
(Elijah), and one to run and get a shoe, try to calm Taylor, and explain to Elijah
how to properly squish it (Jordan).”
Sadly, I feel Taylor usually gets the short end of the
stick. As the oldest she gets some
perks, but not many. And due to her VERY
emotional personality most people tend to lean towards my other 2 kids. Honestly, I even tend to lean towards my
other 2 kids.
Horrible mother confession time:
It’s easy to see Jordan and Elijah and know that I like
them. It takes work to remind myself of
the “why” when it comes to Taylor. I
LOVE all my kids dearly, but I don’t always like them.
They all have their moments.
Taylor just happens to have more of them. But in my time trying to be very intentional
about reminding myself what makes Taylor special and enjoyable I find I learn
so much more about her.
She’s very sensitive to things people say about her and the
slightest judgment weighs heavy on that little heart of hers. She yearns for approval and is easily jealous
when others get it when she doesn’t. I
constantly have to remind her not to be selfish. We focus a lot on what the “right” choice
should be for situations. She strives to
be “grown up”. Over the last few months
I’ve been seeing glimpses of our parenting finally begin to work.
As she screams in frustration she yells “I’m SO frustrated
and I can’t control myself!”…so yes she’s still freaking out, but she’s acknowledging
it.
As Jordan cries because she really wants something Taylor
has (that Taylor rightfully has access too), Taylor will hand it to Jordan…then
run to her room crying – being un-selfish is rough after all.
But if you can look passed the emotional chaos happening in
that little 7 year old girl you see something amazing.
She’s rather brilliant.
She learns things SO quickly and remembers things from forever ago and
is curious about everything.
She’s pretty stinking hilarious. She says the funniest
things and tries so hard to make people laugh (yes, I know most of the time it
gets annoying, but she is really just trying to make you happy)
When it comes down to it, she has an amazing heart. She loves so deeply and fully (which is why
she is so easily hurt). Everyone is her
best friend (again…which is why she is so easily hurt).
Anyway, I know this is random. I’ve just felt extra guilty lately about how
annoyed I can be by this little girl.
And I want to end this with a small story called “Remember when I saved
Jordan’s life?” – Taylor Davis
A couple of years ago the girls were playing in their
room. I heard Taylor scream. As a mom you know the difference in what the
screams mean. This was a scream of pure
terror…I’m talking real fear, not “I just saw a spider” fear.
I ran to the room to find the dresser had fallen over and
Taylor was holding it up, keeping it from falling on her 3 year old little
sister. Taylor was screaming from the
pure weight of the dresser, tears pouring from her eyes. I ran and lifted the dresser and Taylor fell
to the ground sobbing. Those 15 seconds
must have felt like a year to her.
She was shaking and scared.
Jordan was rather oblivious to what was going on. I sat Taylor in my lap and just hugged her to
calm her down. I whispered to her that
everything was ok now. I told her she
did a good job and kept her little sister safe.
Can you imagine what was going through that little head? At
5 years old she put herself in harms way to “save” her sister. In that moment I didn’t even realize the
emotional weight of that until Taylor told me just yesterday “Mom, remember
that time I saved Jordan’s life? I held
the dresser so it didn’t squish her and make her dead”. So at
that time (to me) she was keeping her sister from getting some pretty bad
bruises and maybe cuts. To her, she sacrificed
her life to save the life of her sister.
And THAT is who Taylor really is.
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