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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Emotional One

My kids have vastly different personalities.  As a recent post of Facebook clearly shows:
“How many kids does it take to kill a spider? 3. One to scream “it’s moving to get me” (Taylor), one to stare and say “wow it’s so big” (Elijah), and one to run and get a shoe, try to calm Taylor, and explain to Elijah how to properly squish it (Jordan).”
Sadly, I feel Taylor usually gets the short end of the stick.  As the oldest she gets some perks, but not many.  And due to her VERY emotional personality most people tend to lean towards my other 2 kids.  Honestly, I even tend to lean towards my other 2 kids. 
Horrible mother confession time:
It’s easy to see Jordan and Elijah and know that I like them.  It takes work to remind myself of the “why” when it comes to Taylor.  I LOVE all my kids dearly, but I don’t always like them. 
They all have their moments.  Taylor just happens to have more of them.  But in my time trying to be very intentional about reminding myself what makes Taylor special and enjoyable I find I learn so much more about her.
She’s very sensitive to things people say about her and the slightest judgment weighs heavy on that little heart of hers.  She yearns for approval and is easily jealous when others get it when she doesn’t.  I constantly have to remind her not to be selfish.  We focus a lot on what the “right” choice should be for situations.  She strives to be “grown up”.  Over the last few months I’ve been seeing glimpses of our parenting finally begin to work. 
As she screams in frustration she yells “I’m SO frustrated and I can’t control myself!”…so yes she’s still freaking out, but she’s acknowledging it. 
As Jordan cries because she really wants something Taylor has (that Taylor rightfully has access too), Taylor will hand it to Jordan…then run to her room crying – being un-selfish is rough after all.
But if you can look passed the emotional chaos happening in that little 7 year old girl you see something amazing.
She’s rather brilliant.  She learns things SO quickly and remembers things from forever ago and is curious about everything.
She’s pretty stinking hilarious. She says the funniest things and tries so hard to make people laugh (yes, I know most of the time it gets annoying, but she is really just trying to make you happy)
When it comes down to it, she has an amazing heart.  She loves so deeply and fully (which is why she is so easily hurt).  Everyone is her best friend (again…which is why she is so easily hurt).
Anyway, I know this is random.  I’ve just felt extra guilty lately about how annoyed I can be by this little girl.  And I want to end this with a small story called “Remember when I saved Jordan’s life?” – Taylor Davis
A couple of years ago the girls were playing in their room.  I heard Taylor scream.  As a mom you know the difference in what the screams mean.  This was a scream of pure terror…I’m talking real fear, not “I just saw a spider” fear.
I ran to the room to find the dresser had fallen over and Taylor was holding it up, keeping it from falling on her 3 year old little sister.  Taylor was screaming from the pure weight of the dresser, tears pouring from her eyes.  I ran and lifted the dresser and Taylor fell to the ground sobbing.  Those 15 seconds must have felt like a year to her.
She was shaking and scared.  Jordan was rather oblivious to what was going on.  I sat Taylor in my lap and just hugged her to calm her down.  I whispered to her that everything was ok now.  I told her she did a good job and kept her little sister safe.
Can you imagine what was going through that little head? At 5 years old she put herself in harms way to “save” her sister.  In that moment I didn’t even realize the emotional weight of that until Taylor told me just yesterday “Mom, remember that time I saved Jordan’s life?  I held the dresser so it didn’t squish her and make her dead”.   So at that time (to me) she was keeping her sister from getting some pretty bad bruises and maybe cuts.  To her, she sacrificed her life to save the life of her sister.
And THAT is who Taylor really is.

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