Normal Conversations 3rd Edition

Note: This blog contains some gross information so unless you want to get all up in our personal business stop reading. You’ve been warned.  Know that the kids know a lot about reproductive things because of the surrogacy we’ve done (although they do not all know the ‘how’ a baby is made they know what is needed for the baby to grow).

This story comes after several months of horrible menstrual cycles that have caused crippling pain and multiple incidents of blood gushes causing what looks like murder scenes on the floor.

::I pick the kids up from school and Eli runs up to me::

Eli: Hi Mommy

Me: Hey buddy, how was school?

Eli: Good! Why are you here?

Me: To pick you up so we can go to church

Eli: ::looks puzzled for a moment:: Oh, you can leave the house because there are paper towels at school and church!

Me: huh?

Eli: So, if like your period is really bad and there’s lots of blood you can just use paper towels to clean it all up ::saying this at full volume as more kids are being picked up by parents all around us::

Me: Um, I guess, but I’m fine so I don’t need to worry about that

Eli: but just in case

Me: Sure

::a few minutes later::

Eli: Mommy?

Me: What?

Eli: Mommy?

Me: What?

Eli: Mommy?

Me: What?

Eli: Mommy?

Me: ::silence::

Eli: ::finally begins talking:: I know why we don’t have space ships don’t exist

Me: Why?

Eli: Because we don’t have enough money to build it. But when we do we can make one and go back in time

Me: No, it is just not a real thing buddy. We can’t travel in time.

Eli: But if you did, you can’t change anything! Like with the guy and his kite. If you cut the string on the kite, then we’d never discover electricity.

Me:… sure buddy.

Do I Even Know My Kids?

Nothing quite makes you question every parenting detail like being evaluated (judged) on your parenting abilities.

There’s always this little the voice in the back of your head that makes you question most of your choices, responses, conversations, rules, discipline techniques and so on. 

Should you have said that to her, maybe she isn’t old enough for that conversation?

Maybe grounding him for that was a bit excessive.

Why did you snap at her like that?

So, as we start the lengthy interview process with our adoption case worker for our home study my confidence of like 75% doing this parenting thing right has quickly dropped to like 50%.  They’re all alive, I feed them, I dress them, I make sure they get to school, I make sure they have a bed to sleep in (even though they beg to sleep on the floor), and we even keep the house at a reasonable temperature (most of the time). That covers 50%.

We haven’t even had our first interview yet (Next Thursday 12pm-4pm so you can be praying for that) and my confidence is dropping. Why? Because apparently, I know nothing about the kids’ lives and have no time in my life for kids. Is that an exaggeration? Most definitely. But I’m just being honest on how I’m FEELING at the moment, even though logically I know it is irrational.

Case Worker: So, when can you meet?

Me: Normally, we are pretty flexible, but Justin’s school schedule right now is crazy packed because he has so little time to fit in a TON of observation hours.

Case Worker: So, what day works best? We can only meet Monday-Friday during regular business hours.

Me: Um, right now… he is only free on Thursdays from 12PM-4PM because of class and/or class hours and/or work.

Case Worker: We usually meet at 9Am or 2PM, can you make that work?

Me: Not in the next 3 weeks. Maybe after that, but I’m not sure about that either because he’ll have hours to do at a different school and we don’t know that school’s schedule yet.

Case Worker: Is your schedule always this busy? (that’s what she said, what I heard was, “So, do you have time to take on another kid? Do you have time for your kids? Why are you such horrible people?”)

Me: Not usually, this semester has just been a lot busier than others.

Case Worker: Well after we finish your interviews we’ll need to meet with the kids. When do they get out of school?

Me: Um… sometime around 3

Case Worker: You don’t know when they get out? (that’s what she said, what I heard was, “Why don’t know you when your kids get out of school? Don’t you love them? Shouldn’t you know every detail about their lives?)

Me: Well…they are in an after school program that takes them as soon as they get out of class until we pick them up around 5:00ish.  So, we never pick them up when they actually get out so I’m not sure. I know it is around 3 because we have picked them up for a special date a couple of times at 3.

Case Worker: But you don’t know the exact time?

Me: No, I can call the school and ask though.

Case Worker: No, its fine (that’s what she said, what I heard was, “You’re sort of a horrible mother”)

And with less than a week away before she begins asking us every detail of our lives (from birth to now) and marriage I’m sort of freaking out!  I mean, she hasn’t even officially started the interview and I feel like I failed.  Even as I write this and ask for prayer that it goes well I wonder if I really mean that. I keep getting these doubts creeping in. Can we handle this? How messed up have we made our kids already? Should we really mess up another kid? I want you all to pray it goes well because I KNOW that is the right thing, but my mild panic is whispering that if it doesn’t go well all of this will be over quickly and we will move on with our lives like they are now so no big deal. I feel like a horrible human for admitting that. I’m not looking for reassurances, I’m just “talking it out” with myself in a very public format because then I can’t hide from dealing and processing it all.

And every time I get on the brink of calling it quits I stop focusing on ME (because at my roots I’m a broken and selfish human) and focus on that little boy.  AND then, my heart shifts from ME to HIM.  And then mostly I get a little choked up.  HE deserves a life where he feels loved, safe, and cared for.  I can do that. We can do that. I may not get “parenting” right every day, but every day I do love them.

OK, moping over.  Let’s look at this picture of my awesome kids and move on now.

Normal Conversations 2nd Edition

::Taylor hits Elijah in the head with a pillow::

Eli: OWWWWWWW ::cry:: ::whine:: Taylor hurt me

Taylor: It was a pillow, it didn't hurt that bad

Eli: Well...you don't hurt that bad (said in a mean/sarcastic tone)

Me: Eli, why are you trying to be mean and hurtful? Go to your room to cool off.

Eli: ::cry whine::

5 minutes later

Me: Eli come to the table for dinner

::Eli runs out butt naked::

Me: Eli, we don't come to dinner naked. Get pants on.

::Eli leaves and comes back with a blanket on him::

Me: Eli, why are you still naked? Why are you naked at all? I told you to go to your room? Where are your clothes?

::Eli just stares at me giggling:

Taylor: Eli! Get pants on! Mom, I can't eat with him all naked like that.

Me: Eli! Go get clothes on

::Eli comes out with shorts on::

Taylor: Gosh! Mom, I can still see his chest!!

Me: Taylor, get over it

Jordan: Oh, OK! We are allowed to eat without shirts on! ::starts to lift her shirt::

Me: NO! Girls keep their clothes on and boys keep their pants on for dinner! This isn't complicated or new!

Normal Conversations 1st Edition

On this edition of "Normal Conversation" we find that Jordan has not yet given up her serial killer tendencies.

Enjoying National Cheeseburger Day at Farmer Boys with $1 burgers a young man approaches our table staring at Jordan and smiling.  Jordan, after a moment of gathering herself seeing a person she knows out of context, says, "Oh, its a friend from school".  But that's nothing special we chatted, finished our meal, the young lad gave Jordan a "gift", I glared judgingly (apparently that's not a word) at the back of his head as he walked away.

In the car on the way home...

Me: What was that kid's name? Matthew?

Jordan: Ethan. Mom, I thought you said we weren't going to be a long time? Now I won't have time to play with my friends!

Me: We are leaving so late because you stopped to talk to friends.

Justin: Yeah, you are getting mad about leaving friends to hang out with friends so you wont have time to hang out with friends.

Me: You have too many friends. Stop having friends.

Jordan: I have a friend at school and after I stabbed him...

Justin/Me: What? Back up. What do you mean you stabbed him.

Jordan: with a toothpick, but then...

Justin: Jordan, you really shouldn't stab people.

Jordan: No, its fine. He doesn't care.

Justin: Nobody likes being stabbed.

Jordan: No, after I did it he was like, its OK.

Justin: No.  We don't stab our friends.

Around the [Country] in 80 Days (more like 140)

Hello my friends!  I was feeling all nostalgic the other night as my kids were flipping through a photo album of our year in 2013 with some friends.  Mostly I was realizing that my plan to complete an album every year had pretty much stopped 3 years ago so I needed to get back on that.

So I jumped on my computer and began prepping/organizing my photos.  THEN I came across our summer photos for the last 2 years, like these gems:

I did thoroughly enjoy our last 2 summers of travel. Like a lot.  There were moments of tears and yelling, but overall it was just fantastic.  A sweet time of seeing some amazing things, some amazing people, and doing it all as a family.

So nostalgia was the start of this. There was also the fact that I've been asked by a few (3 to be exact so nothing all crazy) for our itinerary for this last year because they wanted to do a similar trip.  This got me thinking...

Maybe other people want some ideas of places to see or stay around the US.  Maybe people want to hear about our car nearly falling apart on a horrible dirt road, or Jordan vomiting in the back seat (FYI we now know she gets motion sick), or the freak thunderstorm that prevented a hike.  So, why not blog it?

Admittedly, I will be leaving out 2017 trip because that was way too long ago to remember (it was also not technically part of our plan to hit all 50 states in 8 years).  I also expect that most of 2018 will be missing some fun and/or important details because that was so 2 months ago and who can remember that far back?  BUT I'll start it.  One day at a time with as much as I can remember, lots of pictures, and the nitty gritty details (miles traveled, cash spent, and itinerary). Because yes, I totally made spreadsheets and print outs for the entire trip because I'm hyper-organized (aka anal) like that.

So stay tuned!

In 3-6 Months

Today we met with Olive Crest. Although it sounds like it should be some sort of delicious tapenade, which sounds amazingly delicious right now, it is in fact an agency that is partnering with us to make us a family of 6.

The countdown has begun.

In 3-6 months we will be approved and start the waiting process. Assuming we aren't deemed insane or dangerous... so no guarantees. Holy cow!

We are very much OVER babies. To all my friends that have them, we are happy to babysit for you anytime.  But over are the days of never sleeping in, potty training, changing diapers, and worrying about every exposed cable or button in sight. Which means we want an older child. A boy between ages 6-8 to be exact.

And we found out today that it is not only possible, but can happen quicker than we expected.  I had we were going to do a foster-to-adopt situation. That is the "normal" way things work when adopting through the county (not private).  The foster process usually lasts 12-18 months (time for reconciliation so the child can go back home with their family, which is obviously the goal). THEN the adoption process would start which can be another 12 months.  BUT since we are looking for an older child we could actually bypass the foster process.

What I mean is, the child would have already been with a foster family for 12-18 months.  The court would have decided reconciliation is not possible and ordered the adoption process to start which means the child must be placed in a adoptive situation (aka our house).

Hearing that today has me excited, but feeling super guilty about that excitement. In order for us to have a child placed with us that kid has to go through a lot of crap. It feels weird being excited about that. Obviously the crap isn't what I'm excited about, but I feel the need to remind myself that adoption for these kids isn't how it is "supposed" to be.  But we are ready (well getting ready) to give this kid a stable, although some what crazy, life as part of Team Davis.

Pray for us please.  There is no fund raising needed (it will be 'free' to adopt through Olive Crest), just lots of prayers for what I know will be a difficult time as we wait. Wait to find out if we are approved. Wait to find a child to welcome to our home. Wait to make him part of our family.

For now, paper work, buying emergency escape ladders, fire extinguishers, and locks for all dangerous things.

The Ultimate Parenting Test

I know I've said it before, but there is something evil about homework.  How is it that homework turns children into distracted, crying, hyper messes and turns parents into bodies of pure rage?

I hate homework. I hate how it makes my kids act. I hate how I respond to the way my kids are acting. I hate that my mostly patient self suddenly becomes short, snippy, and even occasionally cruel.

I hate that it is 20 minutes after my daughter's bed time but she is still struggling through homework that is stretching her a little beyond what she is ready for.

BUT (that's a big but...and that makes me giggle like my 8 year old son) it is pretty awesome that the book she is struggling through is one of my favorite books.  It is exciting to listen to her ask questions about what she is reading when I know the exciting stuff that is coming.  My Taytor-tot loves to read and I've been pushing her to read more challenging books so she can get better. I love seeing her work through the new words and think through the challenging story line as it unfolds.

I hate homework, but I sort of love that she's getting old enough for me to share some of my favorite things with.

Start Young

SO, if you have followed us for any amount of time you are likely to know that we are huge Dave Ramsey fans.

All the way, super tight budget for several years to work your butt off to get out of debt.  We paid off a little over $40k in debt in about 5 years making around $30k a year WITH a family of 5.

It is possible people.

We have made a lot of scarifices to get here. And we will not buy anything unless we have the cash to do so.  All that said it is super important that our kids learn this early.  We make them WORK for their money, they don’t work, they don’t get paid.  When they do get paid they make the choice of what to “give”, what to “save”, and what to “spend”.  We talk openly with them about things we say “no” to because it just isn’t in the budget. They understand the must save up to buy what they want and not “borrow” money from anyone (including us).

So, when my credit union started a line of products meant for kids that reinforce these principles I was all over it! As the kids get older, their accounts evolve and the tools they are offered change to meet their age/maturity.

The real point of this blog though? To show you Tay’s pure excitement as she received her very own debit card. Linked to her very own checking account that she can deposit money into.  She got her very own Online Banking account so she can keep track of what she is spending and very soon we will start her very own budget.

There is something pretty darn cool about seeing your kid take responsibility for managing her money the right way.