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Friday, April 12, 2013

With An Open Heart and Open Womb

I know a very brave woman who has decided to become a surrogate.  I’ve tossed the idea around a few times over the last year or so.  Done a little research to see what it takes to be surrogate or an egg donor, but it never really stuck.

Even now I’m torn. Just about a week ago I had a conversation with a friend of ours about how I could never picture myself being a surrogate. What a blessing it would be to help nurture and grow a baby for a family who can’t.  But could I handle it? Could I carry that baby for 9 months, feel it move, watch it grow, and then hand it off to never see it again?  How difficult will that moment be?

To be honest, what I am struggling with most is the payment.  1 Surrogacy is the equivalent of ¾ of my income for a year.  That’s a lot of money!  1 Surrogacy could easily cover a 10% down payment on a house for us.  The struggle then is, why would I being doing it?

It is wrong to do it for the “money”?  Would I ever actually even consider this if we were only in it for the money?  Maybe the idea of the money is just distracting me for what is deeply hidden in me that I do want be able to bless another loving GODLY couple with a chance raise a child.  Maybe that’s what is going on, but I don’t know.

I’ve spoken with Justin.  We’ve spoken to some family and friends.  We’ve decided to move forward.

Does it freak me out a little? Crap yes.  I have tons of fears floating around in my head, but there is also a sense of peace and excitement.

There are many things about me that may end up making me a horrible candidate and I could VERY easily be disqualified right away or somewhere along the way.  So having just clicked “Submit” to my surrogate application I prepare myself to wait and see.

And if you have any questions please feel free to ask. I don’t mind sharing.

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