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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Problems With My Locks

Hair.  I have issues with mine on a regular basis.

There is an embarrassing story coming (so just hold out until the bottom…or skip to the bottom)
When I was young I hated the color.  It was red and I hated that I stood out and people always made comments on my hair color.  I hated that in 1st grade we learned about bar graphs and when we did hair color the teacher forgot to put “red” as an option so I was left off the list.  I died it once only to find out you can’t use “temporary” dye on red hair since it just absorbs the color so I had odd brayish (brown and gray) hair for like a year.  I like the color now, but Jordan is not convinced I’m a redhead.  She insists that it is brown.
The length is an issue.  I prefer a nice short cut.  It’s quick and easy to take care of.  But when the wind blows you can’t put it in a ponytail…and that sucks, because like my feet (see here), my face is opposed to being touched.  Long hair can get heavy (despite what Paul says) and having it up all day gives me a headache.  It takes 20x longer to brush and wash and dry.  But my hubby prefers it long, and now that I’ve had it long for so long I’m sure I’d hate having short hair.
The real reason I’m writing today is the perception of hair.  Hair is what makes you look fresh and clean or like you haven’t showered in a week.  Hair is what makes you look put together or like you don’t own a brush or maybe you enjoy the nest forming on the back of your head because you want a place for hummingbirds to feel welcome.  I have no idea why a hummingbird was my bird of choice.
So I’ve heard of this “No Poo” thing…where you don’t use shampoo and conditioner because according to people out here somewhere shampoo strips your hair of natural oils and destroys it (or something like that)…so like 6 months ago I gave it a shot.  HORRIBLE idea.  My hair was a greasy mess, like I just dipped my head in bowl of old KFC fryer oil.  The vinegar and baking soda are supposed to “wash” your hair.  LIES I tell you! I tried it for 2 weeks and it was the nastiest thing I’d ever done.
THEN to fix the problem I had created I went and bought a nice expensive “salon quality” shampoo and all that did was leave my hair feeling like it was caked in melted wax.  I spent a lot of money on it, so I had to use it all (because I’m cheap like that) so for the last 4-5 months on the days I washed my hair…it was gross…the days I just rinsed with water my hair looked awesome…so I knew it was the horrible shampoo. 
All that to say the last few months my hair has been a nasty nightmare.  So when somebody pulled me aside at work today to make a comment on how sometimes it looked like I didn’t bathe because my hair looked sort of dirty I sort of freaked out internally.  First I thought HOW EMBARRASSING.  I thanked them for “letting me know” because really they were doing it to try and help me and did not mean it in a bad way.  I fought the urge to tell them WHY my hair had been like a greasy KFC candle because I didn’t NEED to justify my horrible hair.
Instead I blog my justifications so I feel a little better about myself.  I do shower, I swear.  I just had a couple failed experiments with my red locks.
However, rest assured that the awful shampoo is gone (only because Taylor dumped out half of the bottle to make a very expensive bubble bath) and I am back to my normal shampoo so I have shiny (not oily) and bouncy (not waxy) hair once more that actually looks better after shampooing instead of worse.
What lesson did I learn? Don’t experiment with your hair when you still have to actually show up to work looking professional.


And proof I have red hair and an excuse to show you one of my favorite pictures of all time.

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