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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

My Secret Obsession - Now Not So Secret

I don’t know what it is, but I am assuming it’s the thought of knowing this is our LAST baby. I’m not talking about the excitement of never having to be pregnant again, or never having to endure childbirth again (both perks, but worth repeating). I’m talking about the excitement and joy of knowing my family is soon to be complete! I no longer will have to plan thinking “this is only temporary since there will be another baby/kid to add to the mix”.

For example, the kids room. I had no theme or color scheme really. Some bright bold colors for the girls, and they did have matching blankets (made by Grandma Shirley), but nothing “special”. I never went all out to get matching curtains and laundry baskets. I never even had matching furniture! I didn’t want to spend a ton of money on these things only to have another child added to the room and have things not match.

This being said I have a slight obsession with “making it right” this time. NOT because it’s our first and only boy which some think to be the cause, but because this is it! I can plan and decorate and know that it won’t change (Lord willing! ::says prayer::) It took me forever to find a cute matching set of bed linens (See Picture of bedding in "Just an Update" from Feb. 2010). My dad also built the girls a bed so I could get “matching” furniture without having to find a bunch of pieces that were different styles to fit in one room. I’m just so excited now to see it all together! My mom says I’m “nesting”, but I really don’t think that’s it. I don’t feel like I need to clean or get organized. I just want it to be done. Not that “nesting” feeling, but the sense of accomplishment. The idea of knowing their room will be complete and nice for ALL of them. Something to feel proud of.

I know it’s lame to get embarrassed by how the kids room looks, but I am! It embarrasses me to show people their room (not for the toys on the floor, which just comes from having kids) but the mismatched furniture and bedding. I feel like it screams “these are all cheap things or hand-me-downs”. It makes me feel like I can’t provide for my kids. I know its lame, but still how I feel.

I want it to be done so when people come to visit pre-Elijah’s birth they can see that we CAN provide and take care of them. This is also probably linked to the fact that we can’t afford to live on our own and live in garage turned apartment at my parent’s house. I feel like people look down on us for that. I think the kids room is my attempt to show we can do it! Even if we can’t afford our own place yet, we can still care for our children and provide for their needs.

Is that crazy? I know the feelings are all superficial, but I just don’t want to be judged anymore for our circumstance and I just hope this helps.

So I will continue to obsess and get excited for all the things on my registry I can’t wait to be gifted to me OR buy myself after the showers are over!

1 comment:

  1. Raych, I want you to know that Tracy and I do not judge you for living in your parents garage or having hand-me-downs.

    We pray for Justin and you to be blessed by God with good jobs, a satisfying lifestyle and wisdom to manage your money. We want you to be happy. I am continually impressed by how well you handle the situation you are in and the positive outlook you maintain.

    The fact that accept and use hand-me-downs is something we respect you for. You are living within your means, making use of free stuff, an dnot getting wrapped up in the material aspects of life. Spending less allows us to have more money for God's work. I aim to do the same thing, no matter how much money I have.

    It is also fun to have nice things, so don't feel bad about that either.

    We love you, Davis clan!