There are those moments, those things that make you think. I like those moments and things even if the thoughts that come with it are tough.
I’ve been reading something lately that has gotten me thinking. And it’s been tough thoughts. And here are the 3 things that are standing out for me (well there is a 4th, but that gets its own blog a little later):
1. My Time with the Lord
Have my “affections” for my savior been merely words? All my life I’ve heard and been taught “going to church doesn’t make you saved”. I know this truth and I do not doubt my salvation. I do, however, doubt my commitment. What actions in my life am I taking to express my love and worship to Him? I need to engage with him more then a prayer with the kids before bed or listening to a pastor on Sunday and Wednesday. I need to be active in my faith. I don’t know what that means for me yet, but I know I am lacking in this area and for a person who has been in church all her life this is an embarrassing and humbling realization.
2. My Attitude with my Kids
I love my children and do so much to make things “good” for them. So much so that so many times I am just exhausted – physically and emotionally. I try so hard to do all the things for/with them that a stay at home mom does while still working full time. And I have to admit to myself that I can’t. I have to accept the fact that I am a working mom and that is ok (I don’t believe it yet, but I’m trying). I have to convince myself my kids will turn out ok even if they don’t get the “stay at home mom things” I think they are missing out on.
Don’t hear this as a negative against Justin he’s a great daddy it’s just not his cup o’ tea to do the “normal” stay at home parent kind of things. And it’s not like they have a lot of stay at home dad groups like the do for the moms so he’s pretty much on his own.
In trying so hard to fill 2 roles I’m just wearing myself out and missing the joy in actually doing things with them. I try to be intentional about doing things with them (as you all know), but I find myself often missing the enjoyment of those moments and rather just getting through it to “check something off my list”.
3. My Consistency with my Home
The condition of my home reflects the condition of my mood. The messier things are the more stressed and irritable I am. The cleaner things are the more relaxed I am. In my reading I came across something that we’ve all heard “an object in motion stays in motion and an object at rest stays at rest”. This was used in context of parents getting things done. It’s much easier to keep doing something then it is to start/stop. With this in mind I’ve deiced to the first 10 – 15 minutes when I get home from work (already in “motion”) I will work with the kids to “tidy up” their rooms and the living room. It gets done quickly and I can start my time home with my family with much less stress to “enjoy” them (see above) and remove the burden/expectation from Justin to have to get it done before I get home.
So there you have it have. My 3 confessions. Full of guilt. Full of embarrassment. Full of shame. Full of hope that admitting them is the first step to making it better.
Oh and on a lighter note. As opposed to the very “rough” February we had (you can find that here) March has been a much better month for the
’. My kids are back to normal (well as normal as they can be with parents like us). Davis