1 Day To Go = Today Is That One Day

So, you guys, I'm not a very secretive person. Especially with Surrogacy. It is so unknown to most that I want to give all the details and craziness that comes with it.  I want to be approachable and honest so people are comfortable asking questions so they understand it all.

I hope that's how it all comes across.

All day today I've been extra nauseous.

Is it because I'm pregnant? Is it because I'm nervous? Is it because I'm stuffed full of more hormones than a Turkey? Maybe all 3?

Waiting is the worst! And can you imagine my poor IP. 13 hours ahead and unable to sleep with the anticipation. Today dragged on.

Then the phone call came.

You take the first few seconds to try and read the nurses voice. Does she have good news or bad? How can that 10 seconds it takes her to introduce who she is feel like minutes?  How is she so good about staying calm so her voice gives no indication of results?

Then the butterflies kick into high gear - my nausea can't handle this. Will I puke on that VPs shoes as he passes me? Who knows? No guarantees.

Then, finally, after what seemed like forever she gave me the news. I'll summarize the texts between Justin and me for the news:

Me: I'm pregnant with somebody else's Baby!
Justin: HUZZAH!

For like a good hour I panicked at my 767 number though.  Wasn't my singleton at 500?  Wasn't my twins at 850, what is a number in-between mean? Could it be twins?!

So, super scientific like I looked found my old blog announcing my results. Not helpful. I didn't include the numbers for most of the 1st tests. HOWEVER, I did post them last time. Last time they were 733 (with 1 baby - this baby's older sister). I'll take it!

I'm pregnant. I still think I'm going to puke. But at least there is only one kid in there.

1 Day To Go - A Family Is Born

Mom 1 and Mom 3 had tried for years to have children of their own. They had lost babies and struggled to get pregnant. Just meeting them and hearing their stories broke my heart. I didn't know I could ache that way for a woman I had just met. But I did. And I wanted to help them have the family the yearned for.

Then there is this moment in the delivery room. Labor sucks. It always does. The room's full of controlled chaos as a baby enters the world. Then those beautiful baby girls I carried for 9 months entered the world. The doctors (or maybe nurses I actually don't remember) hands that little girl to her mother.

Sure, I've had my own babies that I love. But when they were handed to me for the first time I was IN that moment, not watching that moment.  Now here I am watching it. Here I am seeing this woman I've grown to love hold her baby for the first time. The baby she's waited years for. Suffered tremendous loss for. Being there for that moment is indescribable.

I cried.

This is what makes it all worth it friends. Every shot, every night of heartburn, every moment of nausea, every craving, every contraction.

2 Days To Go - I'm Home

I think I mentioned before that the hospital was out of rooms after my first surrogacy so mom and baby stayed in the room with me.  Just the 3 of us. Justin was home with our kids, after all, I didn't need "support"...I had no baby to care for. I just got to sleep (so I thought).

However, I spent 2 days helping mom care for baby.  I didn't realize how draining that was.  I was being the support (which I really didn't mind), but doing it while my body was recovering from labor. My body was tired. I was emotionally drained.

So when I got home I was on edge. I felt emotions ready to creep out and I fought it. I don't cry.

Then I saw a small mess in the corner of the room. For some reason, that was it.

I cried.

3 Days To Go - I Cried

I'm not really a crier. I mean I cry, but not very often.  I cry ANY time I see a sad Daddy/Daughter moment (I'm a Daddy's girl), like Armageddon.every.single.time.

Then there's things like my wedding where Justin did something amazingly sweet and nearly every woman in the room was crying. I wasn't. Justin hold it against me to this day.

However, there are moments in surrogacy that have made me cry. Granted some of those moments were due to being stuffed full of extra hormones. I have 3 particular stories to share. So with 3 days to go you get 1 a day :)

This Isn't How It Was Supposed To Be
With surrogacy #2 I went in for my 24 week - routine check up.  The doctor noticed something she didn't like on the ultrasound. My cervix was beginning to shorten. She asked if I had noticed any contractions. I hadn't. She wanted to keep me for an hour or so to monitor to.  I was having contractions. 1 night in the hospital to see how bad it was.

1 night turned into 1 week. 1 week turned into "you'll be here until delivery". So here I was. 45 minutes from home. From my family.  3 weeks passed. I missed them, but facetime is magic and my amazing mother-in-law was staying with my family helping fill that mom sized gap at home.  I was OK.

Then the first day of school came. I had never missed dropping the kids off. That sucked. I barely held it together. That same day they did my gestational diabetes test. I failed. I barely held it together. That same day the nurse came in to do the blood sugar test before my meal for the first time. The small prick on my finger was enough. That small prick of pain opened the flood gates.

I didn't cry. I sobbed.

The nurse was amazing, she had been there for my 3 weeks and just held my hand. She smiled and said, "It's about time. Nobody gets stuck on hospital bed rest without a breakdown, you made it longer than most"

ALSO a week later I had an ultrasound to check things out. Baby A was still head down (which meant when I did deliver I didn't need a c-section so that was great news) and my cervix was holding steady.  A day or so later, my water broke. The doctor checked to make sure and the look she gave me... I knew it wasn't good. I knew it was my water and that babies were being delivered today (27 weeks 5 days).  However, it was more than that. "Rachael, I see feet. We need to take you in for c-section fast. Call whoever you need, we'll do it in 1 hour".

I called Justin. I cried.

4 Days To Go - Eli Wants All The Babies

It is very important that my kids understand what is going on with each surrogacy. When we started, the kids were 4-7 years old. So the extent they understood was much different than now at 9-12.

At the time, Justin was watching one of our friend's kids about once a week (which was a huge help). We started the conversation with something like this.

You know how Matt and Kim bring Sophie to our house? We play with her for awhile, take care of her, love her, and then she goes back home with her mom and dad.  Sophie belongs to Matt and Kim, not us. Just like the baby they will be putting in my tummy.  The baby was made by [Mom's Name] and [Dad's Name], but [Mom's Name]'s tummy doesn't work well so she can't hold her own baby there. So we are going to put the baby in my tummy and let it grow and take care of it and love it. Then when it is born, she'll go home with her mommy and daddy.

In a nutshell, that explains it. They know it isn't our baby (we aren't giving up their brother/sister).

Sometime around my 3rd surrogacy Eli was watching some TLC show where this family had a billion babies. I think like 4-6 of them, plus 1-2 older ones.  He decided he wanted to have that many babies. He became temporarily obsessed with how many babies he wanted to have.  So one day he was looking at my preggo belly and asked, "Mom, next time you have a baby, can it be you and daddy's baby so we can bring him home? Maybe you can have 4 (or maybe it was 6 - I don't remember) at the same time and I can help take care of them."

My response, "No way buddy! Not only is it physically impossible for us, I'm done with babies. But when you grow up and get married you can have as many as you want. Just make sure your wife knows how many you want before you get married because you'll have to agree."

He was still a little bummed, which is what prompted the adoption journey conversations. After all, we didn't want a baby, but we weren't against having another kid. 

5 Days To Go - Money Doesn't Solve All Your Problems

Sometimes, being a surrogate means working with a family who has very little understanding of how pregnancy and childbirth work.

I had one of those families.

A very wealthy family who was used to throwing money at their problems to fix them.  Who didn’t understand that you can’t pay a pregnancy to do what you want it to.

This family wanted 4 babies at the same time. So, they had 2 surrogates carrying twins.  They didn’t want to take more time away from home than needed so it was very important to them that me and the other surrogate deliver on the same exact day.  They were told several times (by doctors and the agency) that there was no way to control when the babies were born.

So, although willing, I was frustrated initially when I had to postpone the transfer day a week because they wanted us to transfer on the same day (extra week of shots). Because, they just “knew” if we transferred on the same day we’d deliver on the same day.

Then add to the situation that the other surro was a planned c-section and I was not. They started asking me to schedule my c-section the same day as the other surro.  The doctor and I reminded them repeatedly that the plan was NOT a c-section for me so a c-section would not be scheduled unless there was an emergency.  They ignored this and asked me every few weeks anyway if I could “change my mind”.

Sadly, my body was not a fan of twins and I went into labor at 27 weeks.  The babies were small and had complications (expected with such an early delivery). I was pumping for them since breast milk has so many amazing health benefits, especially for these wee ones.  HOWEVER, my body was NOT ready. It still thought it had 10+ weeks to go.  It was not ready to product enough milk for 1 baby let alone 2. Repeatedly, they offered to “pay me more” to make more milk. Despite doing every trick known to man to increase supply and pumping every 3 hours for weeks, my body just wasn’t having it. At one point the doctor told me they were shocked I was able to produce as much as I was, they would have expected less than half the volume with how early I delivered.

I finally stopped pumping because the guilt/pressure from the parents because of the unrealistic expectations they had of paying “my body” to do something it just wasn’t going to do. I felt horrible, but it forced them to seek other options that worked better for both of us anyway.

FYI, the babies are beautiful and healthy now. Well, not so much babies. They’ll be turning 4 in a few days! Despite our horrible ending to the pregnancy the parents do send me pictures every year on their birthday which is cool. However, they don’t want any picture shared online so I can’t show you here. But trust me, they’re adorable.

6 Days To Go - Congratulations?

What's the fun in being a surrogate if you can't have a ridiculous sense of humor?

There's this line of amazing surrogacy t-shirts I always told myself I'd get, but never did:

- My oven, their bun
- Their Peas, my pod
- (triangle with a pregnant lady, a husband and a wife) It's complicated.

The last one is my favorite. So you get a picture!

So, one of my favorite stories was after the delivery of my first surro baby.  The baby and mom stayed in my room with me because they were out of rooms in the hospital and I didn't want the mom to have to spend her first couple days as a mom only seeing the baby in the nursery for small amounts of time. At one point, the mom asked if she could leave the baby with me for a couple of hours so she could go buy a new car and car seat that were safe for baby.

Sure, why not. I really didn't mind.

So here I was holding the baby and the nurse walks in and without really looking at me, she looks at the baby and says, congratulations! She's beautiful.

To which I respond. Thanks, I'll tell the mom you think so.

She looked up and suddenly realized that small Asian baby didn't belong to me and had a panicked look on her face.

To avoid alarms going off (literally), I let her know I was the surrogate and the mom had stepped out. I did have a wrist band that matched the baby's.  She checked. Laughed it off. And left the room.

We're still holding out hope that at this delivery one of the nurses in the room won't realize it is a surrogacy so Justin can watch the baby born then say "That's not my baby!"

However, with the mom and dad standing in the room it probably won't work.

7 Days To Go - Look At That Baby Bump!

For those of you that don't know. I have been pregnant 6 times and delivered 7 babies.

3 of those are mine, the others are not.

When doing surrogacy (IVF in general) you get this amazing experience of knowing exactly when the baby is in your belly. You get to find out your pregnant super early into your pregnancy and get blood tests and ultrasounds almost every week to check things out.

AND if you are an overly sharing kind of person, like myself, your group of people know all about it to.

BUT there's this odd thing that happens. When people know you are pregnant they make comments about your baby bump.

I get it. I love seeing my friends' growing belly (shout out to Angie right now with the cutest baby bump ever).

But, during those first few weeks...you are not seeing my belly growing with the life in there. You are just seeing past pregnancies and growing older fat.  This my friends, is not a baby bump. This is leftover chub from pregnancies past. Also, it is my love of carbs (breads, nachos, and pasta - I could live without sweets).

So my friends, if you want to comment on how cute my baby bump is. Don't. Just hand a plate of nachos and tell me you appreciate my nacho belly.  Until I'm like 4 months pregnant at least, then you tell me my baby bump is cute (and still bring me nachos).

This is my nacho bump.

8 Days To Go - Let's Talk Uterus

The awkward phase of when people start talking about your uterus like a new pair of shoes is an odd one.

When you first start the surrogacy journey they have to do a medical approval. So, a fertility doctor checks out your insides.

So, as I lay there with the doctor examining things he asks if he can take some pictures to keep for training because I have a "perfect uterus". That was an odd statement. I agreed and moved on.

Then, you start your injections and the goal is to get a uterine lining to a certain thickness. So, with every surrogacy they check it out and you get a "good to go" or a "let's wait another week".  I've been lucky and always been "good to go." This also means I have heard more than once that my uterus looks good for a transfer. I mean, that's the goal, but it still gets talked about all casual like.

Maybe this shouldn't be weird to me. I mean, at this point it isn't, but at one point it was.

However, I think the most unusual was during my transfer last week.  The Doctor does one last check before the embryo transfer. As he does, he says something about my uterus looking great. It's perfect for the transfer, but then he adds (to the nurse in the room) "She has a magic uterus. She's 3 for 3 (3 transfers 3 pregnancies)".

So, there it is. I have a magic uterus.

9 Days To Go - Jordan Doesn't Tell Her Friends

So after the embryo transfer you have to go on bed rest for a couple of days.  That meant on Thursday I was stuck on the couch and couldn't get the kids from school.

My daddy came to the rescue (Justin had a meeting at work).

Normally the kids go to an after school program until I get them after work, but since Papa was picking them up they went straight to the front gate to be picked up.

Jordan, was not a fan of the "different" after school pick up. You see, Jordan doesn't like unnecessary attention.  She tried to hide her broken arm back in the day so people wouldn't notice it and ask her about it.

So, she was not a fan of people asking her questions about why her Papa was picking her up after school. In her words...

Then I'd have to tell them my mom is on bed rest. And they'll be like OH NO is she OK? And I'd be like yeah, she just had a baby put inside her so she has to rest. And then they'll be all confused and I'll have to tell them you are a surrogate and then they won't know what a surrogate is so I'll have to explain that. That's just too much talking.