Saying Goodbye to Plans

I handle change pretty well – I usually look forward to change and to see what new/exciting things will come from it.  HOWEVER, I do NOT handle change well when it is “last minute” change.  

I am a planner.  

I am an organizer.  

I enjoy spending time getting our family’s schedules and budget all lined – like a giant puzzle.  I even enjoy doing it when something negative happens – as long as I have notice.  I “need” time to get in my happy place and make all the pieces fit back together.

So in the last month or so there have been a lot of “last minute” changes that have caused waves of emotions: Excitement, Fear, Frustration, Anger, Sadness, Stress, and Compassion.

So as each of these things hit I take my moment of freaking out and have to force myself to think through how God provides for us.  I “know” he does, but nothing like being smack dab in the middle of chaos to so easily forget what you “know”.  So this is my attempt to be intentional about reminding myself how good we actually have it.  And how could I keep that to myself? All my friends, family, and maybe a random stranger or two should hear about how awesome my God is.

A last minute decision to replace my ol’ reliable car (I will miss her) with a minivan (yes…I am one of THOSE people now).  Then realizing how little I know about buying cars (I haven’t done it in over 10 years…) and suddenly needing $600 in repairs, $30 for smog check, $135 in title transfer fees, and $150 in an insurance bump (because I didn’t think about the fact for a few weeks I’d need to insure 3 cars instead of 2 until I can sell ol’ reliable).

  

Hopefully because of brand new tires, recent registration, and getting ol’ reliable detailed – all the “extra” things I have to pay for that I wasn’t expecting will be paid for by selling her (yes it is a her).

      Possible drop in family income AFTER I signed my kids up for summer camp (that we won’t be able to afford) so Justin could do homework/work without the kids in his hair.

The potential change also free up time for our family which will give Justin more time to focus on school while I take that extra time to keep the kids busy and out of his hair.  Hopefully I can get my money back for camp – if not at least we can donate back to the school for a family in need and be a blessing to them.

      Rent Increase

The increase is difficult for us since we already live on a tight budget, but because the kids are no longer attending school 30 minutes away (now just a few blocks away) we are saving just enough money in “gas” to pay for the rent increase.

      Making $23 over the “maximum income” for a price reduction on utilities and kids getting discount lunch rates at school – so now we are paying full price

But a least I got a raise in January!  Granted it is all being used up because of the above situations, but at least we are still breaking even!

       Having to tell my kids that I have to break the promise I made that they could start Sports/Gymnastics/Dance this summer for the first time after they have been begging for over a year (that we could finally afford because of the above mentioned pay increase) because of the potential drop in family income.

We’ll have more “family” time because we’ll all be less busy than if we were trying to get all of them to different places, on different days, at different times.

And through all of this I am reminded about how wonderfully God molded my husband to be EXACTLY who this crazy, stressed out, over-planning woman needed.  He is what I’m not.  He is calm, easy-going, and full of joy as the craziness hits our family.  He reminds me that things are out of my control and that I need to let go.  Instead of being pushy/outspoken and trying force me to “change” my crazy thoughts he leads me (and my family) by being available/supportive.  He approaches the chaos with a calmness that balances out my crazy.

It is important to me that you don’t read the above paragraph and think “I’m glad she has a husband that gets her through that”.  I want to ensure you read that and think “I’m glad she has a husband who leads his family the way God has instructed him and can help her focus back on God and not all the crazy”.  I mean, I love my husband, but he is only as incredible as he is submissive to God’s word and will.

On an AMAZING side note: we will be married 10 years in 42 days! And if you are an awesome human being you know why 42 is such an amazing number.