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Thursday, June 2, 2016

The Twin Story (Part 7)

Now to wrap up this 7-part series about the twins with a little Q&A:

What happened to the babies?
The babies did great! They went home around Thanksgiving and are now really home in Singapore.

Was it hard to give them up?
I don’t like that question. I never had anything to give up.  They were never mine.  I was merely babysitting.  The hardest part about this surrogacy in particular was knowing the babies were “alone” for 2 days.  Their parents weren’t in the US yet and I wasn’t allowed to see them.  So they were in the NICU…alone (obviously they had amazing nurses/doctors caring for them).  Once the parents were there that “instinct” to take care of them was gone – they were “home” in the arms of their parents and that is all I needed to know.

Did you pump for the babies?
Yes, I did.  I found out that delivering early is NOT good for milk production.  I struggled a LOT and had several clogged milk ducts (lots of pain).  I sadly had to stop after about 2 months because my supply was horrible (and so was the pain).

Can we see pictures?
No.  The family asked that I do not share pictures.  

Have you heard from the parents?
No.  The parents have not kept in contact.  I have sent messages a few times, but they have not responded since around Christmas.  I saw them a couple of times post-delivery when I was handing off milk, but overall this family seems to want their space/privacy.

Is that hard for you?
It’s complicated.  I’ve always said I would love to keep in contact, but I understand if they didn’t want to.  So I’m ok with the lack of contact.  The hard part has been the feeling of disappointment.  The family seemed very involved until I delivered.  They always said they wanted to stay in contact after delivery so (although I tried not to) I took it personally that they changed their mind.  Like I “failed” at my job of surrogate so they no longer wanted me involved.

Are you going to do it again?
I said if I had to have a C-Section that I would be done.  HOWEVER, there’s this pull I can’t explain.  Little things like reading an article about a family struggling with infertility.  THIS BREAKS MY HEART!  I want so badly to help these people grow their families.  I will never really know their pain, but there is this part of me that wants to help them any way I can.  So will I do it again? I actually don’t know yet.  My family is supportive of the choice to do it again, but there are still lots of things to consider.   The choice has not been made yet.  If I do there will be some changes: only singleton (no twins), only for a family who does not already have children (unless my first IP wanted more, I’d do it for them again in a heartbeat), my doctor would have to tell me that it is OK to do a VBAC (vaginal delivery after C Section), finding IP that would be willing to work with a surrogate that delivered pre-term (I think this will be the hardest part).

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