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Friday, April 16, 2010

Just a Mom and Wife

Do you ever feel like you’ve blended in to the “background” and the things you do and give become standard so you become just a Mom and Wife?

We’ve settled into this routine (routing is VERY good!) and the more things become routine the less I feel noticed. I’m not saying I expect some kind of recognition for everything that I do, I mean really it IS my job to take care of my family and I enjoy it.

Now it is very important to point out to all you children, husbands, and fathers that this “joy” that comes from taking care of your family does not mean you necessarily enjoy the tasks… I hate laundry, I despise dishes, vacuuming is annoying, cooking is tiresome, grocery shopping (although followed by the word shopping) does not make it fun.

I do not like doing these things at all, but I do them. I work a full day and come home to do these things because I like to know that my family is taken care of. There is something satisfying about knowing the meal my family is eating was made by me or that my house is clean and is a ‘home’ because it is cared for. This is not to be mistaken with a joy in the actual chore, but the result of the chore.

All this being said, our routine is going well. Things are running smoothly, but I feel lost in the hustle. I feel like I’ve just become Mom and Wife with these expectations to do all these things like it’s my “job”. The only reason I’m around is do these things for my family. Over this last week I’ve felt less and less like me and more and more like I’m just following the motions. The things are getting done so there are no complaints, but there is also no acknowledgement.

I try to let some of the ‘chores’ go so I have more free time to just play and goof around, but most of the time this means things don’t get done in a way or in a time that I feel is acceptable (I know I need to let that part go) so then it stresses me out. It is stressful to me to see a pile of dishes on the counter, or to not be able to relax on the couch because there is load of laundry that needs to be folded. So if I try to let go of some of these ‘chores’ that are having me feel so trapped right now, I can’t really relax or enjoy my free time because I know these things aren’t done.

Like I said earlier, I’m not looking for recognition for every little thing I do, I just want to know that these things, that I am appreciated and that my family is thankful for these things every once in awhile. Not a forced Mother’s Day card or something, but a random, unexpected, just because we love you something. A picture painted by the girls with my husband, a flower, a dinner made before I get home. Little things like this occasionally just help me feel like more then just the title of “Mom” and “Wife”.

I think it may have just been an overemotional pregnancy kind of week though. I could be over all of this by Monday :)

2 comments:

  1. I know how you feel. Keep up the good work. Sometimes I imagine that one day in heaven God will show our babies videos (or something more high-tech and God-like) of us singing them to sleep, rocking them endlessly, cleaning their rooms, giving them baths, wiping their tears, taking care of them when they are sick, cooking them endless meals etc. Even if they never know all the work you do, God sees every selfless act! You're a great mom!!!

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  2. Sometimes I think you are in my head! I totally agree with you. I hope this doesn't sound bad, but I take comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who doesn't find "joy" in every aspect of motherhood. FYI: from an outsiders perspective, I think you're doing an "amazing" job and remember they won't be this age forever! Love you!

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