Mommy's Smile

First of all there are things I want to tell you and show you, but there’s drama with my camera.  According to amazon this drama will be resolved by August 27^th – August 30^th when my USB cable arrives.  So until then:

1. Sorry Buck and Jen for not posting the video yet of the kids opening your gift.  It is coming and they were VERY excited.

2. Sorry to you all for not seeing my kids doing their thing on the gymnastic apparatuses (that word would be cooler if it were apparati) and tutu and tap shoes.   It is coming though.

So instead you get to hear about what is happening tomorrow.  TOMORROW! How in the world did this happen?!

I am blessed to have friends in my life that are in a variety of stages of their lives.  Stages we have not yet been in, stages we are in, and stages we have passed.  I got to hold baby Austin on Sunday and remember the bliss it is to have a baby.  Dear Lord we know it’s not easy most of the time, but then you look at your kids running a muck and realize that an infant isn’t that bad.  Easier in some ways then the rambunctious toddlers and preschoolers running around and in other ways more difficult.

On the way to work this morning it actually hit me though.  Nearly 6 years ago I sat holding my first baby.  My Taylor.  Full of fear of what being a parent would look like.  Full of the anxiety of worrying if I could be a good mom.  Full of joy that this little 7 pound 7 ounce little human being was part of me and I got to be there to watch her experience life.

Then I did not know or realize how much she would change my life and not only was I shaping her she was shaping me!

So today I am writing her a letter that I am sharing with you.  That someday I will share with her.

Taylor,

You are mommy’s smile.  You make me laugh every day.  I get to sit and listen to your little mind form complex ideas and start connecting your thoughts to life and reality.  In you I see a joy for life and love.  Your desire to know more and to learn amazes me.  You remember everything (which gets me in trouble sometimes!).

Every night you ask to cuddle with me as I whisper in your ear “will you always cuddle with me, even when you are all grown up” and with a smile on your face you look at me with your beautiful blue eyes and with complete certainty tell me “Yes”.  I know it’s not true, but for now you “know” that it is.

You are overdramatic, over sensitive, super bright, and full of love.  You start Kindergarten tomorrow and I am so proud of you!  You are scared about what will happen, but you are trying to be brave.  Sometimes I wish you were still my baby girl because you are growing so fast! Where did all the time go?

You have taught mommy so much and although I am excited for you to experience your next adventure in life I am also sad.  I’m sad that tonight will be my last night kissing my baby good night.  Tomorrow you will wake up being a “big kid” and although the change will not be obvious overnight the change has still begun.  As you grow bigger and smarter remember this from one of our favorite books to read:

I’ll love you forever

I’ll like you for always

As long as I’m living

My baby you’ll be

I pray for you daily.  I love you unconditionally. I’ll cherish you forever.  Mommy loves you baby!

P.S. This is what happens when Taylor finds my camera: